My stupid mistake

[rival21]

Hi Guys!

I really f'd up this time around. About a week ago,I was going about 80 days with no PMO, only 10 days to go before reaching my goal of 90 days porn free. What messed me up was I started MO without porn maybe once a week. Then, I ended up MO to sexual fantasies of women I saw in real life, movies, or in non-porn related videos on the internet. That turned into looking at the computer screen when I MO'd, then finally relapsing into my old ways. So now I'm starting over from day one. I feel extremely defeated. Now I am determined to never go back, especially now that I know what just one glance at porn would do to me. Now my goal is to COMPLETELY abstain from all orgasm. Because I know what "harmless" MO (without porn) can and will lead to. Wish me Luck!

 

[fightthefight]

Sorry to hear that rival21. It sounds like you have still made significant progress by going that long without looking at porn - even the relapse you have had can't undo all of the progress you've made. It seems like you've learnt from your mistake and know how to avoid the same errors in future. How far into the reboot did you start to MO without porn, and how quickly did it escalate to the fantasy and other things you mentioned? There seems to be a lot of guys on the forum asking whether they can MO during a reboot, but it seems from your experience that this was counterproductive.

Keep going mate - you've done great so far, and you can use this experience to actually strengthen your resolve and avoid anything similar in future.

 

[rival21]

Thank You!!! Seeing your counter makes me realize that I can get passed this addiction as I did before!Getting back to where I was before has been extremely challenging! A couple days ago I relapsed, but I am gonna be strong and fight these urges!

 

[qrayzHD]

Honestly forget about the counter, 80 days is awesome and one relapse couldn't have done that much damage. If i were you i would just act as if im back to day 60 and go from there but it's up to you ofc, good luck.

 

[rival21]

Thanks guys! I hope I'm not too ruined from that relapse. I gave it a few days and I really think I did some damage as now I am going through flatline all over again. After about 60 days Porn free during my first reboot, I had come almost completely out of flatline. I was starting to get stronger erections again and morning woods that lingered long after I left the bathroom. But now I have gone into flatline again. I think what messed me up when I relapsed is that I kept PMO'ing for days after the initial slip-up. It was like a a tornado that just swept me up and I didn't even try to fight it  :-[ But now, I am more determined than ever not to relapse again, especially now that I know that I can't "experiment" with non-porn related vids or plain MO. Maybe after I'm a few months in, I may MO (to sensation only) but thats something I don't think I'll try again anyway. 8) I just want to be confident that I can please any future women sexually. The fear of never being able to have sex again has actually strengthened my resolve to never look back, also flatline is no fun! 

 

[rival21]

Just made a week! First milestone: CONQUERED!  ;D

 

[rival21]

Hey Guys I just watched this video to help relieve sexual urges, it just may help! 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPpntRT40W8

 

[rival21]

I have tried all of my brain's rationales and now I am sure that my brain cannot be rationed with. My last semi-successful reboot, I cut out all PMO and MO  but still watched porn and other erotica. Now I am cutting them all out for good. I have made up my mind. I now realize, just because I'm sexually aroused, doesn't mean I have to "release" my urges.

 

[rival21]

I am horrified at the thought of never being able to enjoy being touched by a woman again! Porn is an evil thing in which the more I think about how it's ruined my life so far, the stronger my resolve not to relapse to it anymore!

 

[rival21]

It has been a whole week and I have no desire to watch porn at all. Now, I do have a desire to MO at times, but this is mainly due to boredom. I am determined not to enter into the new year with this terrible habit. This is one thing that I'm not willing to carry on into my future!   

 

[LS90]

Keep it going! That's the spirit.  8) Hard mode may be painful but seems to be the best way.

 

[rival21]

Thanks LS90!Determination is the best defence against relapse!

 

[rival21]

All I want, is to be able to have normal sexual desires, healthy erections, and a mutually satisfying sex-life again!  :-[

 

[qrayzHD]

That isn't too much to ask for, the great thing is we can have all of that if we are prepared to give up porn, sounds like a deal to me : )

 

[rival21]

Agreed! I would give almost anything to instantly reverse the negative affects of my porn addiction and have meaningful sex again, but I know it will take some serious determination. I think the greatest gift I can give myself this year is a strong foundation of success and progress, that I can carry on into the new year and eventually forever. I refuse to carry on this habit into the new year, this chapter of my life is over!