Time to put the pen to paper

C

CB

Active Member
Thanks Rich! I?m keeping at it, had dreams of pmo last night. Been feeling easily irritated and grumpy today. Day 28 right now, looking forward to meet up with my girlfriend and a couple of friends.
 
C

CB

Active Member
Day 29

Have been getting urges more frequently last couple days. Just keeping going. Hope it will pass soon.
 
C

CB

Active Member
Day 30

I get pictures in my mind of things I?ve been watching and yesterday went in to have a peek at some pics on google. I stopped myself, I?ve had the feightening thought of not ever using pmo again, that?s the only way to go. It?s not about doing 30-60-90 days, it?s about not coming back again to pmo. It?s great goals but I think I need to get familiar with the thought ?for the rest of my life?.
That?s scary right now, but as these days goes it will probably fade, the fright of letting go.
Relapsing is part of recovery, as long as we don?t give up when we?ve had one relapse. I?ve done so multiple times before. But at last if I can stay strong and just keep away, it will slowly go away.
Got to keep myself busy, and do things instead of peeking on my phone.
 
C

changemylife

Guest
CB said:
Day 30

I get pictures in my mind of things I?ve been watching and yesterday went in to have a peek at some pics on google. I stopped myself, I?ve had the feightening thought of not ever using pmo again, that?s the only way to go. It?s not about doing 30-60-90 days, it?s about not coming back again to pmo. It?s great goals but I think I need to get familiar with the thought ?for the rest of my life?.
That?s scary right now, but as these days goes it will probably fade, the fright of letting go.
Relapsing is part of recovery, as long as we don?t give up when we?ve had one relapse. I?ve done so multiple times before. But at last if I can stay strong and just keep away, it will slowly go away.
Got to keep myself busy, and do things instead of peeking on my phone.
Click to expand...

The idea of quitting PMO for the rest of your life could definitely feel "scary", "sad" etc. Because pleasure is awesome. That's how we are made, to love pleasure. PMO is a big pleasure. As YBOP says, sex is the greatest natural reward we could get when you think about all the things we could do to experience pleasure without external substances. PMO is an artificial thing that we use thinking it's like sex. "Of course, I arouse myself then I masturbate and I come, isn't it like sex?" Of course it's not the same thing. We gotta understand that we don't need this, it's artificial, it's like eating plastic apples with apple taste. We need to look for the real apples. With time, the sadness of giving up such big pleasure should fade. 
 
C

CB

Active Member
That?s a good explanation, thanks changemylife!

Day 31 in the books here, this is crazy, never gone this long without pmo. Today as the latest days I?ve been feeling easily irritated and angry. Definitely feels like this is because I can?t calm myself with pmo.
 
C

changemylife

Guest
CB said:
That?s a good explanation, thanks changemylife!

Day 31 in the books here, this is crazy, never gone this long without pmo. Today as the latest days I?ve been feeling easily irritated and angry. Definitely feels like this is because I can?t calm myself with pmo.
Click to expand...

31 days! That's outstanding progress so far! Maybe those are withdrawal symptoms?
 
C

CB

Active Member
Day 32

Yeah definitely think these feelings are withdrawal symptoms more or less.
I constantly find myself venturing in my mind with fantasies and flashbacks.
It?s like my brain goes all in trying to get me pmo.
 
C

CB

Active Member
Day 34

I have been extremely moody, getting really angry about minor things last couple days. Got a long way to go, but it?s absolutely been a rollercoaster so far, didn?t expect anything else either. I need to really keep myself togheter when my girlfriend will be away on vacation for 3 weeks. That?s going to be a challenge, I just need to prove myself I can do it.
 
C

CB

Active Member
Day 35

Didn?t sleep really well but have been a calm and collected day though. Find myself looking at other women when with my girlfriend though. Or looking at women in general more, fantasizing. I feel like it?s some sort of edging behavior.
 
C

CB

Active Member
Day 36

I still get temptations of going on the internet and look at different girls. Well as long as I can stop myself, it will get weaker and weaker but it will take some time.
 
C

CB

Active Member
Day 37

Feeling a lot more temptations and fantasizing more since we are hung over from last nights dinner party. This wednesday I?ll be alone for 3 weeks, just got to prove to myself that I can make it on my own home alone.
 
C

CB

Active Member
Day 38

Almost 40, can?t believe that. Never gone without pmo for this long for the last 20 years. I should feel happy about myself, but it still is a burden right now. No dreams about pmo or anything related the last couple of nights.
Urges haven?t been as strong today.
 
C

CB

Active Member
Thanks!

Day 39
Today I?ve felt a little low, not so many urges. Had sex with my girlfriend yesterday, felt really good but I?m thinking too much resulting in some kind of anxiety where I over analyze or check my emotions. I know it?s great but I need to alow myself that everything doesn?t have to be perfect everytime. I can?t be on top everyday.
I think my thinking patterns has been a little black/white.
Keeping on fighting.
 
C

CB

Active Member
Day 40

Ever since my girlfriend left home for vacation, I?ve been getting this urge to pmo. Heightened anxiety and feeling stressed. I just need to prove that today can be like yesterday, If I could keep away then there?s no difference, but the urge is stronger.
 
C

CB

Active Member
Day 41

I did it yesterday, home alone without pmo.
Urges got stronger, but I don?t want to give in to them.
It?s just, all the years I?ve been thinking about quitting. But I was scared to quit..
I need to constantly remind myself about why.. I believe 90 days is a good start.
But I need to stay away for the rest of my life.. It?s a great goal. Hey one week is a great goal when your down there.. We all know that. I?m going to have to keep fighting this for the rest of my life now. Feels good to come here and write, thanks to everyone on here!
I won?t let my guard down
 
C

CB

Active Member
Day 42

Got urges, and they feel stronger now during the weekend. If I can stay busy they calm down, and it?s easier to handle. Get these pictures of things I?ve watched and fantasies.
I?ll keep myself busy.
 
C

CB

Active Member
Day 44

When I was drunk and got to bed I went on to some sites and watched a few pictures, did the same when I woke up. But have stopped myself.
 
C

CB

Active Member
44 days and I relapsed. I can?t believe myself...
Need to restart this.. not happy with myself right now. All those days and weeks with the dizziness, anxiety, crying spells and so on.. and I come home drunk and go on pmo..

I?m doing this for myself and for the relationship I?m in, I?m not going to let this ever be a part of my anymore.. I know relapsing happens but I mean 44 days, I?ve never gone so far before.

I?m going to need help, like professionally.
 
Pete McVries

Pete McVries

Active Member
Stop drinking while rebooting. All my relapses happened when I was drunk. I get ultra horny while being hungover. Don't drink!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top