Hi D72, and Hi to everyone here, I have just popped on for a small visit my life seems to be going very well and I am in a good place again but I still think about those times of feeling completely out of control and unloved, low self esteem, angry etc etc...
So...my advice to you D72 is a mixture of practical and how to deal with the hard yards ahead, unfortunately you cannot believe a thing he says at this point in the situation, my partner did not do counselling but I did, I did not feel it worked but it did give him a jolt that I was seriously thinking of ending our relationship, I think the people on here helped me the most to be honest, just talking it out with like minded. I locked down all my computers iPhones iPads I loaded up Covenant eyes and K9 for protection, I think even if he gets past the security, it still makes him think of what he is doing. No phones in the toilet, no passwords that you don't know, no going on technology while you are not home. No lying which is a hard one because unfortunately I think once a liar its hard to change that one. You are allowed to check his phone his history whatever it takes to feel ok again. I finally feel ok, I don't check his phone unless i ask him, I don't have covenant eyes or K9 anymore, I still have small doubts occasionally but i push them aside, I still get angry about the way there is so much soft porn all over main stream TV and the brainwashing that its ok to undermine decent relationships and loving couples, to make it seem ok to be dishonest and hang out at strip bars while your wife is sitting at home, no way not on my watch, you can bugger off and live that life full time if thats what you want... I must say this is my second relationship and you have a lot more to loose than me as far as your children and life is concerned but hey he needs to get real, he will loose it all the stupid man and for what, seconds of gratification, I feel pity for these men that can't get their life together and live in fantasy, to me I think it will get a lot worse before governments are forced to lock down that part of the internet. I can only say that to make this work he needs to be onboard with what I have said, lock those devices down...