Hello,
I'm a 36 year old sex addict. I have used sex as a means to cope with life for as long as I can remember. I hope this journal can help me in my recovery. All I know is that writing helps clarify thoughts, feelings and solidifies goals. Maybe this will also lead so some accountability. Whatever happens, I commit to being truthful about the successes and failures of this attempt.
The problem
I am addicted to sex. From a young age, I was exposed to a toxic brand of Christianity (Irish Catholic) where all sex is shameful and never to be discussed. Like most people here, as far back I can remember, I have had a problematic relationship with sex. Porn came along when I was 20 years old and just made matters worse, but the problem started way before that.
My appetite for sexual acting out has never been stronger and with ample free time and resources, I satisfy it in increasingly disturbing ways. The highs get higher, the lows get lower, the cycle of addiction and the lies I tell to maintain it get stronger. As a result, my relationship is suffering. I used to be able to maintain both worlds, a sex life with my partner and a secret sex life on the side, but in the last 12 months, I have withdrawn myself emotionally from our relationship and sex off the table.
Like all humans, sex highly stimulating - it arouses feelings of passion, pleasure and excitement. That's not ever going away. Unlike well integrated humans, I have a deep rooted belief that sex is shameful and should only be conducted in secret. The trade of for this is depression, stress and shame.
Previous attempts
Like most people here, since discovering nofap years ago, I have tried abstinence, managing streaks of 60+ days, only for it all to come crashing down resulting in months of relapse. I typically find the first two weeks easy, motivated by the despair of the previous cycle ending and the novelty/hope of new programme. Then my sexual thoughts start to take over. I eventually peek at certain apps/websites which is followed by weeks of edging, resulting in a massive relapse.
The opposite of addiction is connection and exposure to a none judgemental person reduces the shame. So I am starting therapy this month with an addiction specialist. I also focused too much on what I need to give up as part of my recovery. While immersion and analysis of my behaviour is an important part of recovery, this time I intend to spend more time focusing on the habits/activities which will replace the addiction.
Strategies
1. Deleted all apps/bookmarks/images/contacts relating to sexual acting out
2. Installed porn blocker on laptop and mobile phone with password locked in draw at work
3. Starting therapy with addiction specialist
4. Removed all social media apps on mobile and installed YouTube distraction blocker
5. Journal every day
6. Maintain a wall to chart daily progress with new habits
7. Yoga 4 mornings per week
8. Mindfulness
9. Only shower cold
10. Big breakfasts
11. Running 3x per week
12. Cycle to work
Goal
As a man, I want to avoid all forms of artificial sex, so that I can remove toxic shame from my life and have a healthy intimate relationship with my partner.
Affirmation
"I?m going to change. I have lived with compulsive sexual behaviour for too long. This addiction has impacted by self esteem, available time, finances, career and relationships. Most important, it has potential to hurt someone I love very much. Recovery is my top priority. I have a future self to run towards and a potential hell to avoid. My resolve is strong, I am going to succeed."
Impact
- Attaining this goal would make me a more authentic, present and confident man to be around, in my relationship, at work and socially because I will have healed my shame.
- I wouldn't be contributing to the misery of myself, my partner and women in general with my behaviour.
- I would save a lot of money and time not pursuing these things.
Good luck to everyone in 2019. As humans, we are capable of anything we aim at, we can defeat this.
I'm a 36 year old sex addict. I have used sex as a means to cope with life for as long as I can remember. I hope this journal can help me in my recovery. All I know is that writing helps clarify thoughts, feelings and solidifies goals. Maybe this will also lead so some accountability. Whatever happens, I commit to being truthful about the successes and failures of this attempt.
The problem
I am addicted to sex. From a young age, I was exposed to a toxic brand of Christianity (Irish Catholic) where all sex is shameful and never to be discussed. Like most people here, as far back I can remember, I have had a problematic relationship with sex. Porn came along when I was 20 years old and just made matters worse, but the problem started way before that.
My appetite for sexual acting out has never been stronger and with ample free time and resources, I satisfy it in increasingly disturbing ways. The highs get higher, the lows get lower, the cycle of addiction and the lies I tell to maintain it get stronger. As a result, my relationship is suffering. I used to be able to maintain both worlds, a sex life with my partner and a secret sex life on the side, but in the last 12 months, I have withdrawn myself emotionally from our relationship and sex off the table.
Like all humans, sex highly stimulating - it arouses feelings of passion, pleasure and excitement. That's not ever going away. Unlike well integrated humans, I have a deep rooted belief that sex is shameful and should only be conducted in secret. The trade of for this is depression, stress and shame.
Previous attempts
Like most people here, since discovering nofap years ago, I have tried abstinence, managing streaks of 60+ days, only for it all to come crashing down resulting in months of relapse. I typically find the first two weeks easy, motivated by the despair of the previous cycle ending and the novelty/hope of new programme. Then my sexual thoughts start to take over. I eventually peek at certain apps/websites which is followed by weeks of edging, resulting in a massive relapse.
The opposite of addiction is connection and exposure to a none judgemental person reduces the shame. So I am starting therapy this month with an addiction specialist. I also focused too much on what I need to give up as part of my recovery. While immersion and analysis of my behaviour is an important part of recovery, this time I intend to spend more time focusing on the habits/activities which will replace the addiction.
Strategies
1. Deleted all apps/bookmarks/images/contacts relating to sexual acting out
2. Installed porn blocker on laptop and mobile phone with password locked in draw at work
3. Starting therapy with addiction specialist
4. Removed all social media apps on mobile and installed YouTube distraction blocker
5. Journal every day
6. Maintain a wall to chart daily progress with new habits
7. Yoga 4 mornings per week
8. Mindfulness
9. Only shower cold
10. Big breakfasts
11. Running 3x per week
12. Cycle to work
Goal
As a man, I want to avoid all forms of artificial sex, so that I can remove toxic shame from my life and have a healthy intimate relationship with my partner.
Affirmation
"I?m going to change. I have lived with compulsive sexual behaviour for too long. This addiction has impacted by self esteem, available time, finances, career and relationships. Most important, it has potential to hurt someone I love very much. Recovery is my top priority. I have a future self to run towards and a potential hell to avoid. My resolve is strong, I am going to succeed."
Impact
- Attaining this goal would make me a more authentic, present and confident man to be around, in my relationship, at work and socially because I will have healed my shame.
- I wouldn't be contributing to the misery of myself, my partner and women in general with my behaviour.
- I would save a lot of money and time not pursuing these things.
Good luck to everyone in 2019. As humans, we are capable of anything we aim at, we can defeat this.