I'm 24, have been married for almost 2 years to the most amazing woman, and porn is ruining my marriage.
When I first started dating my wife, she told me right off the bat that she viewed porn as cheating, because if I was getting my sexual pleasure from woman on the screen, and not her, I was cheating on her.
I agreed to stop viewing porn, and focus solely on her. But it didn't last. Almost immediately I went back to watching porn online and ignoring my partners sexual desires for my own.
Three years later after I had proposed to my wife, showing my intention to marry her and make her my bride, she found the porn.
I had left it open on my cell phone, and she found it.
She took her engagement ring off and threw it at me. I was devastating, but knew I had no one to blame but myself.
During our relationship, I have struggled with getting turned on, keeping erections and having any desire to be intimate with my wife, and this has deeply affected her. Our sex life is nonexistent, and it weighs heavily on our marriage. I love this woman with all my heart, and it kills me to know that my porn addiction is ruining my marriage. I can get off on porn no problem, but when I'm intimate with my wife, it's a major toss up as to whether I'm going to keep it up or not.
I have lied about porn throughout my entire relationship, and the lying is what is costing me my marriage. I always fear though that by telling the truth, my wife would see just how much I've lied and not want to be with me anymore. I don't want to lose my wife or marriage over porn and not being able to perform in bed.
I watched a news story bout a 23 year old male who almost had the same things as me. Watched porn and could get off no problem, but couldn't be intimate with an actual person. Couldn't get it up.
This was my eureka moment, but also a sad one. I now knew what my issue was, I knew that porn had cause a form of ED for me, and that was why I couldn't perform and be intimate with my wife, but I also knew it would be a major major issue to tell my wife that the cause of my ED was porn addiction. The thing she despised the most.
I had cheated on her with multiple woman over 4 years via online porn. I ruined all the trust she had in me, all the love she gave me was wasted, all the time I spent telling her I didn't know why I was so boring in bed, I lied to her. I abused her trust and caring, destroyed my credibility with her and quite possibly the entirety of my relationship. I don't know how it can be saved from here.
But I'm not giving up. This woman is to good to give up, though I truly don't deserve her. I have abused her psyche with lying and cheating, but I can't let her go. She means the world to me, but still I have hurt her. Looking at my wedding pictures brings streams of tears to my eyes because I see how happy we were, and what I've done to destroy that happiness. I am a filthy liar, and that view she has of me I can not change easily.
I am seeking help. I am seeking treatment. I am seeking counseling and advice from professionals so that I can change, and be the better man I'm supposed to be for my wife. The provider and care giver that a man should be in a relationship, not the lying, cheating porn addict that I am.
I thank all of you for your stories and words of encouragement, it's nice to know I'm not the only one out there.
When I first started dating my wife, she told me right off the bat that she viewed porn as cheating, because if I was getting my sexual pleasure from woman on the screen, and not her, I was cheating on her.
I agreed to stop viewing porn, and focus solely on her. But it didn't last. Almost immediately I went back to watching porn online and ignoring my partners sexual desires for my own.
Three years later after I had proposed to my wife, showing my intention to marry her and make her my bride, she found the porn.
I had left it open on my cell phone, and she found it.
She took her engagement ring off and threw it at me. I was devastating, but knew I had no one to blame but myself.
During our relationship, I have struggled with getting turned on, keeping erections and having any desire to be intimate with my wife, and this has deeply affected her. Our sex life is nonexistent, and it weighs heavily on our marriage. I love this woman with all my heart, and it kills me to know that my porn addiction is ruining my marriage. I can get off on porn no problem, but when I'm intimate with my wife, it's a major toss up as to whether I'm going to keep it up or not.
I have lied about porn throughout my entire relationship, and the lying is what is costing me my marriage. I always fear though that by telling the truth, my wife would see just how much I've lied and not want to be with me anymore. I don't want to lose my wife or marriage over porn and not being able to perform in bed.
I watched a news story bout a 23 year old male who almost had the same things as me. Watched porn and could get off no problem, but couldn't be intimate with an actual person. Couldn't get it up.
This was my eureka moment, but also a sad one. I now knew what my issue was, I knew that porn had cause a form of ED for me, and that was why I couldn't perform and be intimate with my wife, but I also knew it would be a major major issue to tell my wife that the cause of my ED was porn addiction. The thing she despised the most.
I had cheated on her with multiple woman over 4 years via online porn. I ruined all the trust she had in me, all the love she gave me was wasted, all the time I spent telling her I didn't know why I was so boring in bed, I lied to her. I abused her trust and caring, destroyed my credibility with her and quite possibly the entirety of my relationship. I don't know how it can be saved from here.
But I'm not giving up. This woman is to good to give up, though I truly don't deserve her. I have abused her psyche with lying and cheating, but I can't let her go. She means the world to me, but still I have hurt her. Looking at my wedding pictures brings streams of tears to my eyes because I see how happy we were, and what I've done to destroy that happiness. I am a filthy liar, and that view she has of me I can not change easily.
I am seeking help. I am seeking treatment. I am seeking counseling and advice from professionals so that I can change, and be the better man I'm supposed to be for my wife. The provider and care giver that a man should be in a relationship, not the lying, cheating porn addict that I am.
I thank all of you for your stories and words of encouragement, it's nice to know I'm not the only one out there.