Compulsivity model of hypersexuality

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William

Guest
IMO you are overthinking it, and looking for a justification to PMO.  It is very simple:  for porn addicts, porn=dopamine spike=we likey...alot=over time, addiction. 

You need to quit pushing the porn button for your dopamine high and rewire to actual sex. 

May I suggest (and I know this generation of porn addicts this may sound crazy, undesirable, or both) trying actual sex when you are horny?  That is the way the software and the hardware are designed to function together. 

I know we don't talk about it too much here, but when we talk about rewiring,  it is rewiring away from porn and rewiring toward the real deal. 

I know of no model of porn addiction recovery and healing that allows any porn, as in any, as in if you are going to fix the problem you must quit pushing the porn button forever.  You won't get clean keeping porn in your life,even if just a little.  It will take years off fixing the problem if you understand this now.  Porn addiction can be overcome by starving the addiction to death, but if you feed it--even just a little--you are keeping it alive.

I speak from experience. When I first began trying to fix the problem I cut way back on PMO, say from once a day to once every 6 weeks.  But I could not beat the problem.  That phase lasted about 14 months.  I still watched porn almost daily, not much, not as much, but it was only when I realized that porn was the button I pushed for a dopamine high that I realized I had to quit pushing that button. 

I hope this helps. 
 
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venari

Member
For me, sex isn't just something I can turn on like a faucet. Most of my life so far has been marred by social phobia, especially when there's someone I fancy. And I have poor social skills.

I can't envision a situation where I could make a pickup whenever I felt horny. Ah, but I could get in a relationship... except for the fact that 90% of my life so far has been spent outside one... probably due to social phobia/poor social skills.

And my imagination isn't that great. So porn is convenient when I'm horny.

Besides, amongst all the healthy men in healthy relationships I have met, I have never come across anyone who was totally averse to porn.

Obviously, porn isn't the real thing, and PMOing feels empty afterwards for me. But I think my problem has been that I felt guilty and loserlike and dirty and whatnot, so I would actually jerk off for hours on end, telling myself I wouldn't cum (to avoid the sadness), and then of course ending up doing just that. I would then feel guilty and depressed, and PMO again (or jerk off without porn) in an attempt to 'reset' myself, or start afresh, so to speak. I would then promise myself to NEVER jerk off again, or to never PMO again. But always end up caving.

In other words, just as the paragraph on Wikipedia describes, I was using PMO to fend off anxiety (just as I would stay away from porn to fend off anxiety), instead of just enjoying porn when I was horny and then not thinking about it so much afterwards. Hell, I feel empty after real sex too, often enough. I just think it's some neurotransmitters that are depleted or whatever. But that all got much worse when I was using PMO for anxiety control, because then I would be really sensitive if I had gone without for long, and then multiple sessions would really deplete those brain chemicals.

Do you think we have different issues?
 
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SebUK

Active Member
venari said:
I may be overly optimistic right now, but I think this short paragraph pretty much explains my personal problems with PMO:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypersexuality#Compulsivity_model

I conclude that reserving PMO for when I'm actually horny (and not in the mood for gaming) would be a sensible approach.

What do you guys think?
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That model definitely fits me. I use porn compulsively to reduce my anxiety, although stupidly, it increases it as soon as I'm done. I'd also agree that it has increased my long-term anxiety. I recall when I was 19/20/21 I wasn't nearly as anxious as I am now. My social anxiety is far worse. Again, paradoxically, outwardly my confidence is much higher than when I was younger (I'm now 31) but inwardly I'm fighting a huge anxiety battle. Especially if I've recently had a relapse.

I notice that I also sometimes use junk food/chocolate and gaming to reduce my anxiety. I've recently stopped gaming which has had the unfortunate side effect of increasing my desire for my other vices i.e. porn and junk food. I've also been eating healthier and doing more exercise which has put the kibosh on using junk food/chocolate. So - my only quick and easy tool is now porn. I think that over time the exercise and fitness will replace my need for it, and it has in the past, but it also takes a while to kick in.
 
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William

Guest
@ venari and SebNZ.  Regarding anxiety.

A lot of porn users report using porn to lessen anxiety, sort of like smoking a cigarette to take the edge off.  What many do not know though is that the anxiety they are killing in a relapse is actually a mini-withdrawal.  Put another way, if you were not addicted and actively using porn, you would not have the withdrawal induced anxiety you are trying to kill by porn use.  This is a reality, a vicious cycle.  I have no anxiety now, but back when I was using porn to kill it, I had it every day and so I killed it every day, by porn use. When I finally quit, I had major anxiety attacks, which were just withdrawal symptoms, in the first 90 days, and honestly, sometimes after that.  I would say I was a full 7 months clean before they went away completely.  Am I saying it takes that long to fix the problem?  No, I say it takes about 90 days clean, no porn, no relapses, no MO, no PMO.  After that, for most, the problem is simply under control, meaning the individual is in control, not the addiction.  I used to use porn too, compulsively, but like any compulsion, you can find methods to stop it.  One of the interesting side effect for me, of stopping compulsive porn abuse, is that I no longer bite my fingernails.  That anxiety that made me do it, I simply no longer have.  It is all behind me.  It can be for you as well.

Peace.
 
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venari

Member
Hey William :)

Thanks for your kind and enlightening reply. I might try that. I'd love to be rid of my social anxiety.

:)
 
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