43 and want real sex

[cranm329]

Hi Humpty
Interesting info about minerals especially zinc. I will check diet. I've found magnesium has improved muscular energy which seems to have helped with sex too. Sorry to hear about the ED situation. My wife and I have been using a new way of doing sex. Not a technique as such but it has helped both us restore sensitivity and pleasure. It has definitely helped  me with sex/P addiction and poor self esteem. Can give more details if you're interested or read some of my  other posts where I've shared this with other guys struggling with PMO and ED.

 

[Humpty]

So, I took a cialis yesterday in case my wife instigated anything and as I thought she did. It went well tbh
I was about 80% errect and although I nearly flopped mid way through I did manage to finish and she was really happy... As was I!
It was a massive relief tbh.

I genuinely don't know what causes my issue and I'm not entirely sure if it's P related but just stopping watching it after so many years was what gave me a huge urge to feel release and ultimately caused me to brave it out and see if I could make progress with my wife.

It's been hit and miss but had I have not stopped watching it I wouldn't have got anywhere so I'm that respect it has benefited me immensely.

I think that watching those images of such perfect and beautiful women do some of the things they do with such passion and desire... Well, they set a bar that my wife would never reach and so trying to achieve the same level of turn on is impossible.

As soon as her manual stimulation stops my errection vanashes in an instant. Even whilst having P in V ands really difficult to maintain and finish because my errection subsides until its just noodle.

I find myself looking and trying to wake myself up to what I am doing, how it feels and... Well, anything to push me over the edge and clearly it shouldn't be that way.
But, if taking cialis and starving myself for weeks at a time is what it takes then that's what I will have to do.
Hopefully as my confidence, and her confidence improves we will become a touch more relaxed, maybe a bit more edgy and expansive and that will help with the problem because straight up missionary is really difficult for me.
My wife's quiet large and so other positions are difficult and by the time we moved around my errection has gone and then I'm hit by the fear of failure again.

For today I'm happy, I'd very much like to have a couple more successes and that would make failure a bit easier to take knowing that for a fair portion of the time it should work out.
It makes you not want to try and that fear of failure detracts from a lot of the pleasure.

Anyway, I'll keep posting any progress but I just wanted to update because it was only 2 weeks ago I had suicidal thoughts enter my head I was in such distress with it.

Today is a good day and it's important I write these days as much as the bad days. It's important, at least to me, that I document progress as much as failure.

 

[Humpty]

Another semi successful PIV last night.

My errection turned to a noodle part way throu but somehow I managed to recover the situation and finish the job.
Once it when to noodle I found myself using my hand to support it and then fortunately I managed to recover.

Clearly it's all in my head and not a physical problem but it just shouldn't be like that.
It makes me so nervous everytime we just makes matters worse.

But, progress again so I shouldn't complain too much and I do feel that P was an instigator of all this 20+ years ago.
I'm taking cialis because without it I feel I am flatlined as well.

Just hoping that slowly and over time I make enough of a recovery and I am able to reverse some of the effects of my self abuse.

 

[olafthewise]

uhhhhh?

listen, this is a brain thing. You are stimulating the brain. Stop using images of any kind to stimulate you!
stop drugs and alcohol; this too is a brain stimulation.

Lets get something straight here; a reboot is rewiring the brain to accept different commands. Your past is full of porn and images that lead to porn, like escort sites, duh!
sex with wife is not part of reboot. Your idle time is!
Find mild things that stimulate you, like a fresh crisp apple. a good science article. a good tea drink. Candy. a sci fi movie (PG). a self help book of any kind.
get it? You got to go through the day NOT doing PMO and especially the porn image part. Rewire your day so that the daily stuff is non porn. Real sex can be weekly or more with her but concentrate on stimulating her. Good luck.

 

[Humpty]

So, I'm about week 12 and despite some success I'm still having exactly the same problem I had all those years ago.
I still can't maintain an errection.

All stopping watching porn has done for me is made me need sex but for the most part I'm not able to perform and so hurt my wife.

I've come to the conclusion that my issue isn't with porn.
I clearly can't comment on everyone else's problem but I've got the same problem I had when I was 20.
I will get errect, start having sex and then my errection will disappear and I'm left with a noodle, an upset partner and a mentally destroyed self.

 

[cranm329]

Hi Humpty. A few tips that may help and you might not have tried.
Try increasing nitrite/nitrate containing foods in your diet. It certainly helps me. Beets, arugula (rocket), celery and meat products containing sodium nitrite preservative. The latter is controversial and depends on availability/food standards in your country.
Try slow/still sex. Agree with your wife to enter about half way and then just stay still. Slight movements allowed but do not go for O. Do not worry if your erection reduces for a while. If you both hang in there (!) it will come back. Focus on the sensation rather than going for stimulation. It will help your wife too. All the best and enjoy.

 

[Humpty]

Hi,

I've been taking magnesium and zinc supplements, taking a lot of cialis and viagra etc. Nothing works.
I get hard, sometimes really hard, but as soon as we start intercourse it goes. Occasionally, because of my no PMO I am able to recover it but for the most part it happens. It hurts both of us and effects both of our lives.
At this stage I'm actually regretting giving up porn because at least then we wasn't trying to have sex and therfore I wasn't hurting us both everytime.

If you read my history in my original post you'll see if been to the doctors years ago about it, had brain scans etc etc. Tried everything.

I'm at a loss tbh

 

[cranm329]

Sounds like stress related problem. Possible performance anxiety. One of the commonest causes of selective or situational ED.

 

[olafthewise]

I think we all can guess the cause of YOUR ED but without actual medical history and your weight, diet, etc, can't determine a definite cause. But IF you had great erections before porn...Idunno.