Triggers, some unknown

New here. I have told myself so many times that I would stop, but finding it difficult to. Trying to figure out my triggers. Some are easy, like seeing an ad for a game that is erotic and gets me wanting to look up porn or masturbate (which 90% of the time leads to porn). Other times I have trouble figuring out WHY I went for porn.  Has anyone ever been able to figure out the more spontaneous times..what is causing it?  Sometimes I don?t even feel turned on, but I stop what I am doing and look up stuff that leads to it. An almost innocent idea leads to it. Is it boredom? Frustration?  Avoidance of life?  My body feeling low and just needing that ?fix??  I am happy to say that I am working in my known triggers and paying attention is helping me to avoid them. It?s the unknown triggers or more spontaneous times that I am struggling to identify a cause. How can I avoid it if I don?t know what IT is?
 

doneatlast

Well-Known Member
Some ideas:

Some triggers are environmental.  Your "porn time" comes after dinner, before you watch TV at night.  That time of the evening is a trigger.  Maybe an evening beer goes with it.  That can be a trigger.

Some triggers are emotional.  You might think about an ex, an attractive woman at work, family problems, other insecurities, and it ups your cravings.  This was true for me in a major way.  It was only when I realized on a deep level that porn was making it worse.  We get it in our heads, but it takes a long time to understand it deep down and break that connection. 

Some triggers are deeply emotional and psychological.  I struggled (still struggle, honestly) with an acute sense of loneliness.  Sundays were hard... I'd go to Church, see the families happily spending time together, I'd go home to my lonely apartment and for months I was good at getting through every day except Sundays.

Sometimes the triggers are sheer curiosity.  My favorite porn sites of choice were message boards and cam sites.  Those two are absolutely poisonous because they potentially could have something amazing at any minute that I'm NOT looking right at it.  The idea that I could be missing something incredible (spoiler... I never was) would haunt me.

Sometimes triggers have triggers, which have their own triggers.  They exist in such a weird, long train that doesn't make much sense.  Think about Pavlov's dogs.  The experiment is over applied in pop-psychology, but the basic phenomenon is this: the bell led to food, which led to salivation.  Take out the middle thing, and they still salivate.  A bell causing salivation is a complete non-sequitir, but the association was very well trained in their brains.  In the same way, you may have had a long train of thoughts or behaviors that led up to porn, and because porn hits the brain so hard, it can create new associations that don't seem to make much sense.  Just the basic acts of your evening routine can trigger porn because of those associations.

What can help is to retrace your steps and figure out when you went into "zombie mode".  At some point you'll notice that you just seem to go through motions towards porn, and it feels almost like you're watching yourself on a screen do those things and can't control it.  If you try to modify your behaviors at those points, you'll frustrate yourself.  If you retrace your steps back far enough where you were either just starting to go into zombie mode or before you entered, then you can find behaviors you can modify.  Often they'll seem rather trivial, but that's okay.  That's how these addictions work.  Maybe you'll have to give up something else, find a different place to be at certain times, or just give yourself well timed pep talks.
 
DoneAtLast said:
Some ideas:

Some triggers are environmental.  Your "porn time" comes after dinner, before you watch TV at night.  That time of the evening is a trigger.  Maybe an evening beer goes with it.  That can be a trigger.

Some triggers are emotional.  You might think about an ex, an attractive woman at work, family problems, other insecurities, and it ups your cravings.  This was true for me in a major way.  It was only when I realized on a deep level that porn was making it worse.  We get it in our heads, but it takes a long time to understand it deep down and break that connection. 

Some triggers are deeply emotional and psychological.  I struggled (still struggle, honestly) with an acute sense of loneliness.  Sundays were hard... I'd go to Church, see the families happily spending time together, I'd go home to my lonely apartment and for months I was good at getting through every day except Sundays.

Sometimes the triggers are sheer curiosity.  My favorite porn sites of choice were message boards and cam sites.  Those two are absolutely poisonous because they potentially could have something amazing at any minute that I'm NOT looking right at it.  The idea that I could be missing something incredible (spoiler... I never was) would haunt me.

Sometimes triggers have triggers, which have their own triggers.  They exist in such a weird, long train that doesn't make much sense.  Think about Pavlov's dogs.  The experiment is over applied in pop-psychology, but the basic phenomenon is this: the bell led to food, which led to salivation.  Take out the middle thing, and they still salivate.  A bell causing salivation is a complete non-sequitir, but the association was very well trained in their brains.  In the same way, you may have had a long train of thoughts or behaviors that led up to porn, and because porn hits the brain so hard, it can create new associations that don't seem to make much sense.  Just the basic acts of your evening routine can trigger porn because of those associations.

What can help is to retrace your steps and figure out when you went into "zombie mode".  At some point you'll notice that you just seem to go through motions towards porn, and it feels almost like you're watching yourself on a screen do those things and can't control it.  If you try to modify your behaviors at those points, you'll frustrate yourself.  If you retrace your steps back far enough where you were either just starting to go into zombie mode or before you entered, then you can find behaviors you can modify.  Often they'll seem rather trivial, but that's okay.  That's how these addictions work.  Maybe you'll have to give up something else, find a different place to be at certain times, or just give yourself well timed pep talks.

Hmm, apart from the cuiosity one, I can see all if these as possibilities. Actually, some curiosity could be occasionally a thing for me.  Maybe I just don?t want to admit that one.

The timing is a big one. Definitely when I am by myself. Many times in the evening, but not necessarily.

Interesting that you mentioned church. I tend to have trouble after church as well. Or immediately before. I haven?t pinpointed exactly what it is in the days surrounding church that triggers me.

Interesting idea about the train of thought leading to it so it isn?t necessarily one thing. And sometimes I wonder if it could be a few small triggers that, by themselves is ok, togethet is not.

The zombie mode analogy is spot on. I read something about that somewhere. Where there are 2 steps that you can catch yourself and avoid it, but after a certain point it is almost impossible.

Thank you so very much!  I will re read this and think about it some more. And look at how to modify some of my behaviors to see if I can prevent some of these triggers.
 

doneatlast

Well-Known Member
Yeah, figuring them out is never obvious, and requires a lot of self reflection.  I find having a good disposition after a relapse and saying "okay, here I am... how did I get here?" instead of just beating yourself up helps a lot.  If you learn something, then there is no need to beat yourself up.  Easier said than done because that can be such a dark, weird time, but it really does help.

It even goes in the direction of self reflection and even self analysis, especially with the Church thing.  For me it was that mix of loneliness, social anxiety and maybe seeing people I liked but wasn't brave enough to talk to that made it worse.  I found that I did a lot of emotional unpacking as I rebooted, and gained an awful lot from it besides quitting porn (as if that wasn't already huge!).
 
Good point about having a more positive disposition after a relapse. Beating myself up over it doesn?t help.  And the important part is to learn something so I don?t fall for that particular trigger again.  Or so that I can gradually kearn to avoid it. I think for me, as embarrasing as it might seem, the forgiveness that comes along with it may make it harder for me to stay away from it. Not that I am looking to sin before or after church. But I think there may be some complex issues surrounding it for me. Maybe I figure I?m not good enuf for forgiveness so what?s the point. Not sure.  Or that fact that I know I will have communion the next day if I do get carried away. Although I think for me, it is after church that is the worst, or even Monday?s which seems to go along with more isolation for me when everyone goes back to work (but me) that I tend to relapse.

Loneliness, social isolation and social anxiety, and some general sadness that seems to surround church for me may play into things. I am definitely finding that it is just not as simple as having enuf willpower to refrain, but that there are definite reasons driving me toward it that I need to address.  And lots of feelings of self disgust may play a role (as a women viewing porn, things get a bit complicated in that area).  And to have something positive to want to do more than porn, i think, will help a lot.

You have a lot of good insight, thank you so much for sharing!!  I feel like I am slowly gaining more insight into what I need to look at in myself in order to beat this.

 

doneatlast

Well-Known Member
MustardSeedFaith said:
Good point about having a more positive disposition after a relapse. Beating myself up over it doesn?t help.  And the important part is to learn something so I don?t fall for that particular trigger again.  Or so that I can gradually kearn to avoid it. I think for me, as embarrasing as it might seem, the forgiveness that comes along with it may make it harder for me to stay away from it. Not that I am looking to sin before or after church. But I think there may be some complex issues surrounding it for me. Maybe I figure I?m not good enuf for forgiveness so what?s the point. Not sure.  Or that fact that I know I will have communion the next day if I do get carried away. Although I think for me, it is after church that is the worst, or even Monday?s which seems to go along with more isolation for me when everyone goes back to work (but me) that I tend to relapse.

Loneliness, social isolation and social anxiety, and some general sadness that seems to surround church for me may play into things. I am definitely finding that it is just not as simple as having enuf willpower to refrain, but that there are definite reasons driving me toward it that I need to address.  And lots of feelings of self disgust may play a role (as a women viewing porn, things get a bit complicated in that area).  And to have something positive to want to do more than porn, i think, will help a lot.

You have a lot of good insight, thank you so much for sharing!!  I feel like I am slowly gaining more insight into what I need to look at in myself in order to beat this.

What denomination?  I ask because if you're Catholic, the sacrament of reconciliation is a very valuable resource.  Also, would changing parishes/service times make things less risky?
 
I'm not catholic, but am Christian.  Slowly learning more triggers but some are still eluding me.  Sometimes I find myself already enmeshed without realizing how I got there.  A work in progress I suppose.
 
It can maybe also help to think of triggers not as an external response, but actually as an internal response.

After all, why do certain things trigger some people, but not others at all? Ultimately, it comes down to our beliefs, and even our mood in that particular moment.

Like, when I'm feeling really balanced and in control nothing triggers me, but when my mental health is off then everything does. So really, I think it's more about being balanced more-often than we're unbalanced. Certainly meditation is the main thing I do which helps me.
 
Good point. There are some times when nothing triggers me. It is so nice. Need to really delve into some of these things. I did a simple meditation (more of a in the moment thing, can?t remember the bame) where you lay attention to listening...for 3 sounds nearby.  Then you notice 3 things you see and describe them etc (using different senses). Really helps sometimes.
 
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