Planning a porn free life

[bathtub]

Hey, I hope everyone is doing okay and managing an inspiring new life without porn.
I am 28 years old and I live in London with my girlfriend. My main hobbies are music, art, literature, football, and sadly recently, internet/ porn.
I am someone who has always demanded a lot from myself ever since I can remember.  Sadly my addiction to porn has lead to a lot a lack of passion, focus and  a certain feeling of apathy in pursuing these goals.

I have tried so many times to quit, sometimes making it to a 100 a days, and most recently I made it to 54. (It had left me feeling really disheartend with my chances of overcoming this habit.) However I am trying not to put as much emphasise on how far I get on my counter; I wonder whether that will distract from just quitting this thing for good; by living immersing myself in the real world.

Anyway here is my journal for today.

Sadly I used porn today, my trigger was simply feeling bored and a bit tired and lacking focus, feeling a bit depressed. I just wanted to change my mood. Luckily afterwards I decided enough was enough, and wrote a list of things i wanted to achieve today, one of them  was signing up to this forum and starting a journal. I am so grateful that I have found this place its giving me confidence i can gain some momentum without porn.

I have a good feeling I can get through this. I am busy person so I should be able to keep on the road.

All the best

 

[jkkk]

You can, we can, it must be possible.

I relate to the self-demand issue you write about. I have had this attitude to myself since ever - I'm afraid that is to some extent down to the upbringing we had. Or maybe not, who knows.

Anyway, I demand a lot from myself as well.

My insight is that this feature of character goes along with high demand towards others, life in general, but also with omnipotency - an attitude by which you think that you and you alone can influence and act upon any issues in your life where in fact our life is limited by various constrains and accepting them really is part of life. These are my problems at least - maybe you can find yourself in them.

It's good you're here!

 

[Tu 0 Seven]

I have tried so many times to quit, sometimes making it to a 100 a days, and most recently I made it to 54. (It had left me feeling really disheartend with my chances of overcoming this habit.)

However I am trying not to put as much emphasise on how far I get on my counter; I wonder whether that will distract from just quitting this thing for good; by living immersing myself in the real world.

That is a good way to approach it. I am glad you had this shift of focus.

I hope you can keep this mentality of forgetting about the counter, and focus on the real world. You state that you have a busy life, so it should not be a problem!

As someone with the same mentality, I can tell you that by time, the passion and drive you are missing right now will be coming back, though not linear. 

Good will and peace mate!

 

[bathtub]

You can, we can, it must be possible.

I relate to the self-demand issue you write about. I have had this attitude to myself since ever - I'm afraid that is to some extent down to the upbringing we had. Or maybe not, who knows.

Anyway, I demand a lot from myself as well.

My insight is that this feature of character goes along with high demand towards others, life in general, but also with omnipotency - an attitude by which you think that you and you alone can influence and act upon any issues in your life where in fact our life is limited by various constrains and accepting them really is part of life. These are my problems at least - maybe you can find yourself in them.

It's good you're here!

Thanks for the support.  Yes I intepret what you're saying in the fact perfectionism can not always be achieved and from my point of view I could be hiding from perhaps real problems/ uncomfortable feelings through always constantly needing to do and achieve things etc
However I like to think i'm just trying to be a better a person, and that being busy and reaching goals will make me happier and others around me. Porn for example takes up satisfaction that I would rather get from playing piano, or reading books; which in the long run will be far more beneficial for me.

But I think I understand what you're saying, and it's important to be aware that we're only human and not robots.

 

[bathtub]

That is a good way to approach it. I am glad you had this shift of focus.

I hope you can keep this mentality of forgetting about the counter, and focus on the real world. You state that you have a busy life, so it should not be a problem!

As someone with the same mentality, I can tell you that by time, the passion and drive you are missing right now will be coming back, though not linear. 

Good will and peace mate!

Thanks a lot mate for the support, since writing my first post, ive been really busy in pracitcing piano and making my business more secure. I just need to continue this new level of immersion in real life and hopefully porn just wont even be an option.

 

[bathtub]

Hey guys,

I haven't written on here since my first post.

Sadly I relapsed not that long after writing my first post. However I came to a simple conclusion. "when was the most the successful period you had without watching porn" and "What did you do?"  I realised it was when I had a moleskin notebook, and I was simply jotting down each day I had gone with porn. There is something about having this booklet in your pocket with you at all times. It's a physical reminder of what you have achieved and what would be at stake if you were to slip back to porn.

The second thing I did during my most successful period was replacing any porn urge I had (when on a computer) with simply checking reboot nation. Replacing that habit leads to a direct incentive to stay clean.

I have currently gone 29 days, and I'm really not struggling that much. Yes im aware of complacency, but I am very confident that this method works best for me.

Anyway my self image is held in much higher reguard so I feel my qauility of life has definitely improved. I really appreciate reading all your posts, it's such a vital part of my recovery to read relatable posts even though I dont always find the time to post.