40-Years Addicted To Video Pornography

[40-yearsOnVideoPorn]

Sure thing, Skins23. I appreciate your comments. I?ve said many times, this is the hardest thing I?ve ever done, (no pun intended. lol)

It requires our whole self be commited for the long haul. Sometimes it seems so easy, so simple. Tonight is the full moon so I?ve felt the pull or the pressure or whatever the full moon does to us to make grow horns and howl.

Start a journal and study up on the books I?ve mentioned. All of it helps. The journal holds us accountable to others for our actions. It helps us work it out with ourselves and to just be honest about it all. As you can see, I am pouring my heart out here but it helps me teach myself how to live without porn. When others tell me it?s helpful to them or touched them somehow so they kept going, that?s very rewarding for me. I?d like to think all this writing meant something to someone.

Good luck on your way. I wish you all the best.
40

 

[40-yearsOnVideoPorn]

Day 19
Stream Of Consciousness Rant

Just trying to get through the day, Day 19. I?m starting to experience the return of a bit of sexual urge. I can feel my old habits plain as day. It would be so easy to reawaken the beast and experience the rush and thrill of masturbating to porn.

But I know that?s fake now. That?s fake loser imitation sex. If I go back to it I know my brain will never heal and I?ll lose the power to change that I am gaining a little more of each day. I want to be free of porn and start a better life without it. The reboot is so hard to do, but it?s necessary.

My whole life is a fucked up mess from a lifetime of masturbating to video porn. I am completely isolated. I have no real friends. I haven?t had sex with a woman since the last time I cheated on my wife, who I havent had sex with in almost 15 years. My wife is a good person. She is just asexual. I am her opposite. She is also one hell of a great enabler.

We don?t have sex. We don?t talk about it. Never have. I can count the times I have made love to my wife of 19 years on one hand. And two of those times produced children. To her, for some reason, sex is only for procreation. Now we are old and sex is long behind us.

So what do I do now? I think #1 is get healthy and #2 is decide what I?m going to do then. Until I am healthy (pornfree) I don?t even know how I am going to feel. I just need to stop this stupid, awful habit of masturbating to porn several times a week and get some energy back.

So far it?s working. Writing this journal has been huge for me. It?s like I have a path. Like through this journal, I am reaching out of my isolated addiction and asking for help. I never want to have to report I lost control of myself and went back to porn. This is my accountability board.

I used to smoke. One day, after I had just spent the last of my money for a carton of Kools. I smoked one cigarette out of the first pack and decided I not only HAD to quit, but I WANTED to quit. So I put the pack back in the carton and put the carton on the top shelf of my closet. It stayed there undisturbed until the day I moved out, when I gave the whole carton to a guy who smoked menthols.

I never needed to rid myself of them. I never needed to clear the area so I wouldn?t smoke the available cigarettes. Their constant availability is part of my decision to stop using them. I could light one anytime I felt like it. I simply didn?t want to, so I never did. Even though, at first I had many cravings to smoke a Kool. (Because where I come from, you smoke what you are...) ((Oh yeah? Is that why you smoked so much dope?))

But I never touched cigarettes again, other than a few times, a decade or more later, when I was drunk with friends and it was fun. It was the perfect thing those few times, to light up and have a smoke with my friends while I was drinking heavily. It was fun. But I didn?t continue the habit the next day... I don?t want to be a smoker. So I?m not, even though cigarettes are within arms reach, I don?t reach for them. I worked that one out with myself and never looked back.

Alcohol was harder. But it was the same when it came to having it in the house. It?s always here. My wife drinks occasionally to help her sleep sonetimes. Half a beer or hard lemonade knocks her right out. So she uses it as a sleep aid. Otherwise, she never drinks when we go out or anywhere else. So that helps me, too.

But when I break a habit, I have to have access to it right there. I need to have someone hand me a cigarette, a whiskey, a porn video and be able to decline the invitation with casualness and detachment. THAT?s how I know I?m ready to give it up.

I don?t have porn blockers on my computer but I did delete all my porn from my computer successfully... without looking at any of it. (As difficult as that was.) I need to know porn is available 24/7 and that I have enough control over myself not to get triggered and reach for it. Getting triggered is the war. That?s what I need to know I am no longer falling for.

When I do get triggered I want to know access is easy, that is the real test of my balls. I want to KNOW, I have to PROVE to myself that I am not a paper warrior. This is for real. My most triggered self is no longer a problem for me, in regards to this one thing I have decided I will never do. Do I have the god damn balls to say fuck you? To say fuck you to cigarettes, fuck you to alcohol, fuck you to porn and masturbation and fuck you to sugar and bad diet? Do I? Do I really??

FUCK YOU to all those motherfucking things that betrayed me, that led me down the wrong path, that made me less of a man and ruin my life!!! FUCK YOU... THINGS... You fucking things...

I?m a fucking man and YOU are just a buncha THANGS!! So, Fuck You!

I don?t need those NASTY, FILTHY, STINKIN? pussy habits anymore. All that shit is for pussies! And I?m a man now!

I don?t need that shit, I don?t want that shit and if you put it in my face I will say FUCK YOU to both you and it. CAUSE I?M A MOTHERFUCKIN? MOTHERFUCKER, God damn it!!! And no motherfuckin pussy THANG, is gonna tell me what the fuck I?m gonna fukin? do. So fuck those bad habits. That shit is a buncha fukin? BOOOLSHIT!

Today is: FUCK YOU TO ?->
Day 19 No PMO / Day 749 No Alcohol / Day 11 No Sugar

 

[J01]

That's the spirit!  Instead of saying my life is a f upd mess you need to change that to my like was a f upd mess.  You are helping people now-your messed up days are behind you. 

 

[40-yearsOnVideoPorn]

Day 20
Healing By Connecting

When the brain is in healing there is a pause. The old paths it once ran along are no longer free to travel. As we reboot, the brain is learning, teaching itself to make new pathways and develop new synaptic connections. To do this, like anytime we learn new things, the brain has to push cellular energy into dormant territory and build new paths. This is felt by us as the heat of frustration in learning new actions and behaviors.

As we push into learning new things like training our motorskills to play a musical instrument, it can be so excruciating, so frustrating but eventually we get through it and the song starts coming together. The brain built the pathways for you, it pushed through the dormant regions of glial cells and built some new synapes there for the song to run on, so you can play it flawlessly.

But let?s take this a step further. When we used porn, we were robbing ourselves of the pathways the brain would have built for us to form connections with other people. There is another person out there who was robbed of connecting with us. They were left with nothing, where they would have had our friendship, there is only emptiness. There is a lover we never came to know, who was left lonely because we never connected with her. The porn robbed us of her love because we were unable to connect with her, so closed off at the moment when we were otherwise meant to be together.

If healing the brain is about new synapses connecting and forming new pathways, then the same holds true for you and I, in life. We grew more isolated and only wanted to be left alone with this addiction. We closed the door, turned off the light, hid in our room and blew our life-creating power into a Kleenex tissue, just as so many wasted opportunities. In time, our lives lacked luster and we became isolated in our masturbation and porn surfing habit for unproductive hours, days ...and this went on for years.

So, imagine how the brain functioned during this time, the way it wired itself up under these conditions. Imagine how this wiring configuration changes the way we think? But, if in healing from this horrible fate, the opposite is true then, in life, our new pathways are about making new connections as well. If the brain is building new pathways and new connections, then in our lives, where do these new pathways lead us?

Dr. David Perlmutter, a leader in the field of neurology, made a profound statement at the end of his interview by Tom Bilyue. (available on YouTube) Check this out:

After sharing many examples of how neuroplasticity happens in regards to our brain?s rewiring new ways of thinking:
he said, ?We presupposed that our thoughts determine our actions, but in a very real sense our actions determine our thoughts.?

It was then when he went on to make this thought provoking statement, when Tom asked him the question, ?What is the one change people can make that would have the most positive impact on their health??

After a significant moment of consternation, considering the difficult question he said, ?Embrace the recognition that connection is the most powerful notion that we can leverage for our health and for our future.?

Tom inquired further, ?Connection to other people??

Dr. Permutter added, ?I?m gonna leave it open. . . Connected to our genome, connected to our microbiome, connection to our families, connection to our neighbors, connection to those who live in other countries and connection to the planet. . .?

So our healing from this awful isolation, our return to health, for us, is a journey of connection. We are taking our first step by connecting here, with each other, through the very instrument of our affliction: our computers. But this healing you and I have embraced here together is meant to be shared, extended, externalized in real life through emergence from our isolation.

We are learning how to be healthy again and our new pathways to health are the actions we take of reaching out and connecting. Healing ourselves is about connecting with something greater than ourselves, through forming new open-ended relationships with others, with our families and with the world we are a part of and alive within.


Day 20 No PMO / Day 750 No Alcohol / Day 12 No Sugar

 

[40-yearsOnVideoPorn]

Day 21 - Week Three
What Is Once Seen Can Never Be Unseen

I am having to face the revenge of the dragon today. I am getting my first taste of coming out of flatline and the return of sensitivity to my nether regions. I am also having night dreams of preparing to access porn for PMO. Of course there is accompanying day dreams of vivid pornographic detail.

@MoseY mentioned in his journal about not dwelling on the thought and thinking with the prefrontal cortex. This comment of his served as a constant reminder for me today. As soon as I got on the freeway to drive to Portland, I felt my brain?s pleasure centers light up and assume their habitual state of driving my car to the video porn arcade. I could feel the center of my brain gently glowing in anticipation of viewing porn and struggled to remind myself that the prefrontal cortext had to do the thinking. I had to use and think with the only part of my brain that was going to have enough sense to see the wisdom of common sense. So thanks, Mose.

Extinction Training

As I drive around Portland, I knew what my body was going to do. It always drives the car to the porn shop. So I let my automatic brain run its program and do the one thing I have never been able to control, driving to the porn shop, with an unlimited channel video arcade. Before I knew it I pulled up in the parking lot and parked in the same spot as I have, literally, hundreds of times before.

So here I am. Just a matter of feet from the threshold to unlimited pornography and various opportunities for orgasm. So I sat there for a minute looking at the door, tapping my forehead, thinking with my prefrontal cortex. ?If I cross that threshold, I start counting all over again. This is no longer Day 21. This is Day 0.

I looked at the ruddy complexions and the empty faces of the men coming and going through that door. I looked at their eyes as they hurried by trying to look at the ground, being anonymous. I thought about how it would feel to watch porn and have gay sex with them. My feelings of addiction were overwhelming. ?It?s right in front of you, buddy! Candyland! Let?s just go in there!?

So, I turned on the radio to a classic rock station and the David Bowie song ?Rebel, Rebel? was on. My radio will play for 20 minutes once the key is removed from the ignition. It only stops if I open the door.

I let the music speak to my soul and just remembered the days when those songs first came on my radio as an early teen. It took me back. The days when I was young in the 70?s. The days before I had ever dreamed of being the sick, addicted, perverted fat fuck I became. I let the music wash over me and alter my mood, change my brain?s current wiring configuration.


- Rebel, Rebel - David Bowie
- I hate myself for loving you - Joan Jett
- Come Sail Away - Styx
- van halen - Everybody Wants Some

I decided I wanted to read from my phone, the book ?Your Brain On Porn.?  I just happened to have it with me. ?How convenient!? I thought, while I sat in front of the porn shop feeling the sexual urges to misbehave. I searched for and read the section about Extinction Training or Exposure Response Prevention Therapy. It?s a hardcore method of blasting your bad habits to fucking hell and basically screaming FUCK YOU at them. (Which I have a bad tendecy to do, as you know.) One can experience side-effects from it, but I have been through anger management and feel I can handle the side-effects of rage and homicidal violence. (just kidding, only rage and outbursts of anger are the real side-effects ((The book even says it?s not for everybody.))

So I listened to the songs, and when David Lee Roth had revved me up sufficiently to feel my ultimate sense of hard rock empowerment. My radio powered itself off at the 20 minute mark. I started up my car and drove myself home. Flipping the bird to the porn shop and tiger woods fist pumping as I left the psrking lot and hit the road.

Fuck porn. That shit is for losers.

I had a feeling of a new lighter, faster, stronger, more brilliant me emerging out of a thick fat suit of heavy, weighted blubbery mass. As if my chest was being unzipped vertically and my new self was stepping out of this sloth and rotten old suit of fat and toxic goo. I am not all the way out of it, but I can feel my new self shaking it off and fighting to get out of it like a heavy coat of an old shit-self

 

[Skins23]

Great post and well done!  I had a date tonight so I drove to meet her but she kept pushing the time back since she was an hour away and had to pick up her car or something.  First we were planning to meet at 5:45 then 6:30 then 7:30 then 8:45.  I had purchased movie tic in advance and had to cancel one movie time followed by another.  I was there and had to kill time so I went to a Barnes and noble.  After she pushed it back to 8:45 I went from irritable to angry.  I told her I was pulling the plug and that this was ridiculous.  She was apologetic but I had had enough.  I drove home and blasted some GnR.  Man never knew how therapeutic that song could be!  I followed that by paradise City and a few others.  My intention was to allow myself to feel this anger.  Had a few porn flashes in there but home now and feeling good about my decision.  I was mistreated and I don?t deserve that. 

 

[40-yearsOnVideoPorn]

Don?t call her again and find a better one. That sucks. Love GnR. A lot of self-empowerment happened through that music. (too bad drug addiction also was part of the deal for them. As it seems to be for a lot of us. Comes with the territory.)

cheers,

 

[MosesY]

I always enjoy reading your journal.

I think the addiction to porn is more subtle than cigarettes or alcohol or drugs. The other things have immediate bad side effects. If you smoke you stink and you most likely get lung cancer. Everyone knows that. If you drink and drive you get financial ruin. Plus you get drunk and eventually pass out; everyone knows that too much alcohol is a very bad thing. Everyone knows how drugs ruin lives. The body's physical dependence on these things is well documented and lots of help is available to overcome dependencies on them. Another big thing; it is socially acceptable to talk about them.

Porn is a different thing. Not very many people talk about porn. The effect on the life of an addict is hardly noticeable to most people. THe effects are not widely known, and many people figure nobody will ever know about it. I think this is why it got such a strong hold on me and is so hard to quit.

My therapist was the one that explained to me how the prefrontal cortex disconnects when you indulge in any addiction, we talked about porn and alcohol. So thanks go to Lisa.

 

[40-yearsOnVideoPorn]

Lisa is helping all of us then... lol. I probably owe you some money for part of that session.

 

[40-yearsOnVideoPorn]

Day 24
Looking Forward: A Change of Perspective

Today is first day of the rest of my life. My Hard Mode Reboot of 90-days only has 66 days left to reach that important goal. Crossing 30 days is huge for me because it will be the longest I have ever gone without an O, after that. I am thinking only of the future now and don?t want to look back to say that this is Day 24. That?s all in the past. A dirty, sick, wretched and perverted past that I would rather leave forever behind.

I like the sound of 66 Days Remaining in Phase 1 of Recovery better.

What?s Phase 2? Well, we?ll cross that bridge when we get to it.

 

[cranm329]

. 'A dirty, sick, wretched and perverted past that I would rather leave forever behind.'
The past does not define you nor do your actions. They are left behind. Forgive me for commenting. It's not a criticism as I am tempted to think the same about my past life. You have made immense progress and deserve commendation. I wish you all the best for whatever the next stage brings or means to you.

 

[40-yearsOnVideoPorn]

Acceptance Without End

Being.
Simply being.
Just sitting present in the moment.
Breathing, in... and out.
Being completely open to experiencing
Fully, the feelings I?m experiencing right now.
Continually remaining present and ready
to accept whatever is naturally occuring in each moment.

Both the comfortable and extremely uncomfortable are accepted
Equally and experienced without resistance.
Opening myself up as wide as I can go,
Reaching outward with my heart as far as I can feel
to everything that is.

Without thought I listen
to everything in the world surrounding where I am.
The breeze, the rustle of the leaves, the singular tone of a distant bell.
Shadows creep across the deep green hills as birds are scratching in the eves.
A singular wave of sound, barely audible, glides across the empty space between.
A tone of all-pervading resonance abides. 

This barren, aching mind, singular, complete
In focused intent and yet spherically aware.
The 90-millicycle hum of the world going about its business
and a universal symmetry dances
across the shores within the sum of this vast and semi-conscious dream.
All complete in totality
Everything that I see, feel, hear and experience,
Embraced a thousand times without resistance.
Acceptance without end.
All as I sit alone in silence... listening

40
03-26-2019

 

[40-yearsOnVideoPorn]

I have reached the length of my all-time record today. 30-days. Last time I held out this long, was about 20 years ago. It was excruciating and I had private counselling going on and a break up, working 40 hours a week and taking 15 college credits...

Now it seems like I?m not even doing anything. Just sitting here feeling perfectly fine. I feel very balanced.

760 days No Alcohol
23 days No Sugar
and:
30 days No PMO

And I feel like a normal person.

I started the Plant Paradox diet about 1 week after I started no PMO. I did Phase 1 cleanse for 6 days instead of 3 days. By the end of the cleanse, all my sugar cravings melted away and my PMO urges and anxiety greatly reduced to a very managable level. Today, I am tying my all-time white knuckle record and I feel completly calm and in control.

I am convinced our gut microbiome is the most important thing we can focus on and get right, if we want to help the body right itself. Focusing on learning and living by the Plant Paradox diet, to the letter, has been both, 1) a nice distraction from PMO and 2) a root cause rebalancing of my body?s chemistry issues. All my strong urges of all kinds are highly managable now.

My sugar cravings were gut-wrenching only a couple weeks ago. I felt like I would die if I didn?t have something. Now I never have any sugar cravings at all. PMO urges, when they do happen, are very manageable, not so intense. I have morning wood, increased sensitivity again, but now I don?t want to masturbate, so I don?t. I know better now.

My whole body is more healthy and in balance with itself now. Fwiw, I hardly use any toilet paper now, very little is needed. My gut is working rightly again. I?m eating right. To the degree that I?m still toxic with bad thoughts and imbalances in my system, I have the tools and the understanding now to get through it and stay on track.

I want to repair and maintain my gut because I was literally at the edge of esophugus cancer from GERD. Food was sticking every day in my esophagus. It was awful. That last time it happened was so bad I thought I was going to choke out. So I changed my diet forever on that day.

The world is full of toxic shit sold as if it were awesome and good for you. I listen to Dr. Gundry, Dr. Perlmutter, Dr. Lustig and Dr. Mercola for my breakthrough information on diet and health, as well as Gary Wilson, on addictive issues. The rest of the world seems to be behind the curve on these areas of science.

So glad I found the ways that work for me and the teachers who are in the state of the art. But, I still have to be the one who stays on track. I have to eat right and think right. No one else is going to do that for me. In fact, if you listen to what the food industry tells you, or the FDA, or listen to half the guys on this forum who relapse every other week, you?ll think it?s no big deal and not take it all with deadly seriousness.

I was fortunate to have an excellent mentor when I trained for my concealed carry permit and continued lethal force training. Marty Hayes of Firearms Academy of Seattle taught his students safety but, by example, he taught a lot more. He taught inner strength and character as well as human decency. He showed everyone an example of what being a strong male role model should look like, in practice. His little comments and corrections were often his greatest wisdom for life.

When asked what we should say, if someone in public should see our concealed weapon by accident, his answers were very strong and very direct. ?You keep it concealed, and under no circumstance should anyone, under any circumstance, know you have it on your person or where you have it.?

I asked if you could just let the startled person know you were licensed to carry?

His face was absolutely clear, ?DON?T... LET IT... HAPPEN.?

For him, it was final. There was no secondary option. This was tantamount to an accidental discharge. He trained us how to never let it happen. That means, never let it happen. It?s a matter of lethal force. He would always yell to us on the range before drawing our weapons, ?PAY ATTENTION. BRAIN CELLS FRONT AND CENTER!?

He was, in other words, saying what Gary Wilson teaches, to think with the prefrontal cortext. Our lives depend on it.

I relate to this when I think of PMO. I recall my mentor?s words and out of respect for his example to me, his concern in teaching me, I act with great care. I take this very seriously, as a way to demonstrate he did not waste his time in educating me. I want to show him through my actions that he reached me, that his arrows of instruction landed on their mark.

What if I feel like I might relapse? What if I have feelings in my little pussy and I want to rub it? ?Don?t let it happen.? It truly is a matter life or death for me. A life of freedom from PMO or the death of that freedom.

 

[cranm329]

Well done, 40 reaching and surpassing your record. Thanks for the firearm account. The analogy of the P weapon is strong. "Don't....let it...happen". Powerful image, message and reminder. Carrying a lethal weapon is unlawful here in the UK. I don't say that judgementally or smugly. It is totally unreal to most of the population. However, high speed, instant access and limitless P was unreal only 30 years ago. Now, nearly everyone here including preteen children has access to psychologically and relationally lethal on line material. Hope that I'm brave to tell my family to not let it happen to their children. Apologies for post piracy.

 

[Rex]

I have reached the length of my all-time record today. 30-days. Last time I held out this long, was about 20 years ago. It was excruciating and I had private counselling going on and a break up, working 40 hours a week and taking 15 college credits...

Now it seems like I?m not even doing anything. Just sitting here feeling perfectly fine. I feel very balanced.

760 days No Alcohol
23 days No Sugar
and:
30 days No PMO

And I feel like a normal person.

I started the Plant Paradox diet about 1 week after I started no PMO. I did Phase 1 cleanse for 6 days instead of 3 days. By the end of the cleanse, all my sugar cravings melted away and my PMO urges and anxiety greatly reduced to a very managable level. Today, I am tying my all-time white knuckle record and I feel completly calm and in control.

I am convinced our gut microbiome is the most important thing we can focus on and get right, if we want to help the body right itself. Focusing on learning and living by the Plant Paradox diet, to the letter, has been both, 1) a nice distraction from PMO and 2) a root cause rebalancing of my body?s chemistry issues. All my strong urges of all kinds are highly managable now.

My sugar cravings were gut-wrenching only a couple weeks ago. I felt like I would die if I didn?t have something. Now I never have any sugar cravings at all. PMO urges, when they do happen, are very manageable, not so intense. I have morning wood, increased sensitivity again, but now I don?t want to masturbate, so I don?t. I know better now.

My whole body is more healthy and in balance with itself now. Fwiw, I hardly use any toilet paper now, very little is needed. My gut is working rightly again. I?m eating right. To the degree that I?m still toxic with bad thoughts and imbalances in my system, I have the tools and the understanding now to get through it and stay on track.

I want to repair and maintain my gut because I was literally at the edge of esophugus cancer from GERD. Food was sticking every day in my esophagus. It was awful. That last time it happened was so bad I thought I was going to choke out. So I changed my diet forever on that day.

The world is full of toxic shit sold as if it were awesome and good for you. I listen to Dr. Gundry, Dr. Perlmutter, Dr. Lustig and Dr. Mercola for my breakthrough information on diet and health, as well as Gary Wilson, on addictive issues. The rest of the world seems to be behind the curve on these areas of science.

So glad I found the ways that work for me and the teachers who are in the state of the art. But, I still have to be the one who stays on track. I have to eat right and think right. No one else is going to do that for me. In fact, if you listen to what the food industry tells you, or the FDA, or listen to half the guys on this forum who relapse every other week, you?ll think it?s no big deal and not take it all with deadly seriousness.

I was fortunate to have an excellent mentor when I trained for my concealed carry permit and continued lethal force training. Marty Hayes of Firearms Academy of Seattle taught his students safety but, by example, he taught a lot more. He taught inner strength and character as well as human decency. He showed everyone an example of what being a strong male role model should look like, in practice. His little comments and corrections were often his greatest wisdom for life.

When asked what we should say, if someone in public should see our concealed weapon by accident, his answers were very strong and very direct. ?You keep it concealed, and under no circumstance should anyone, under any circumstance, know you have it on your person or where you have it.?

I asked if you could just let the startled person know you were licensed to carry?

His face was absolutely clear, ?DON?T... LET IT... HAPPEN.?

For him, it was final. There was no secondary option. This was tantamount to an accidental discharge. He trained us how to never let it happen. That means, never let it happen. It?s a matter of lethal force. He would always yell to us on the range before drawing our weapons, ?PAY ATTENTION. BRAIN CELLS FRONT AND CENTER!?

He was, in other words, saying what Gary Wilson teaches, to think with the prefrontal cortext. Our lives depend on it.

I relate to this when I think of PMO. I recall my mentor?s words and out of respect for his example to me, his concern in teaching me, I act with great care. I take this very seriously, as a way to demonstrate he did not waste his time in educating me. I want to show him through my actions that he reached me, that his arrows of instruction landed on their mark.

What if I feel like I might relapse? What if I have feelings in my little pussy and I want to rub it? ?Don?t let it happen.? It truly is a matter life or death for me. A life of freedom from PMO or the death of that freedom.

40years,

Congrats on the great accomplishment of reaching 1 month!  Especially while you are also going through a body cleanse/diet change. 

You have some great words of wisdom there especially on the toxic food we eat.  I have been fighting long term Lyme disease that I have had the last decade.  I'll spare you with the list of all the symptoms, but the crippling anxiety, heart palpitations, rapid heartbeat when anxiety kicks in, and panic attacks have just brought me to my knees.  I was always a calm person who even in stressful situations remained calm and level headed but the long term Lyme has so destroyed my immune system that my adrenal glands love pumping adrenaline and cortisol at high levels.  My cortisol levels when tested a few months ago were off the charts.  Though I have always been health conscious and used to workout at the gym for years a few times a week. I was 6'3" and weighed 206 lbs and I had a lot of muscle mass at a low body fat percentage. I had a physique of a natural body builder from the 1950s or early 1960s with a 50 inch chest and 18 1/2 inch upper arms (cold).  I used to bench press 330 lbs multiple sets at 8-10 reps.  My maximum weight bench press was much higher, today even if I could get to the gym I would probably struggle to bench press the 35 to 40 lb bench press bar with no weight on it. I can't lift weights anymore, if I try to I get overheated and breakout into a panic attack with a racing heart rate.  This is because my adrenal glands are so messed up. I have the energy level of a 90 year old man.

I have been following a detox diet which my doctor gave me the last two months, this has helped.  I eliminated sugar a couple of months back when I realized it wasn't helping and with my high cortisol levels my glucose was elevated almost to the pre-diabetic levels.  A week ago I eliminated cheese and am transitioning to partial vegan diet.  I have started eating the last week organic mixed green salads one to two times a day with lots of broccoli sprouts on them. I now snack on fruits, vegetables, and nuts.  I have really gotten sicker the last two years and weighed in at 220 lbs at my peak last summer, I would have weighed a lot more but I would use Dr Mercola's intermittent fasting program for a few days or week when I would start to hit 220 lbs and it would easy push my weight back down to around 210 lbs. I also only drink purified water or bottled Fiji water, I drink around 80 to 100 ounces of it a day, sometimes a little more.  I have gradually realized I really need to eat extremely healthy not just to help in my healing of Lyme but for the rest of my life.  Currently my weight is 188 lbs, and I'll probably just keep eating healthy and see where it drops down to.  19 years ago before I started heavy weight lifting when I went on a pure vegan diet for 1 year, my weight dropped to 170 lbs and I felt great. So thanks for the encouragement to stick with the healthy diet.

Keep up the great work fighting PMO, you are doing great!

 

[40-yearsOnVideoPorn]

hi Rex,
  Sorry to hear about the Lyme disease. If you?re hip to Dr. Mercola, I would think you would know all about Dr. Gundry?s Plant Paradox as Mercola has done several interviews with Gundry on his podcast and is a huge proponent of Gundry?s work.

  No fuckin? around: Gundry?s got the answer. His Plant Paradox diet removes all the toxic elements out of the menu and the body heals itself. The lectins and the antibiotics in commercially raised meat and eating the wrong lectin-heavy vegetables. Sugar and fruit people don?t want to believe that it?s the worst thing they can put in their mouth.

My medications started giving me low blood pressure as I adjusted to the diet and my body healed my gut. The lectins stopped getting through the gut wall lining and my whole system stabilized.

I stopped taking the prescription medicine because The Food Is The Medicine.

The bad food ruined my health and the right food saved my life.

 

[40-yearsOnVideoPorn]

Just struggling to stay focused on recovery. Hot chicks are everywhere. They look so fine. It?s hard being an old guy because young girls aren?t interested in anything I have to offer.

Masturbation to porn was always my outlet for that frustration. And I?m having to face this head on right now. I am having to face everything about how I feel, without flinching, without resistance. And I am finding this difficult, I?m struggling to cope,  more than ever today.


Day 31 No PMO
Day 761 No Alcohol
Day 24 No Sugar

 

[cranm329]

Yeah! Stay strong. It matters. YOU matter. I fully relate to what you're facing. With you 100%.

 

[Rex]

40years,

Thanks for the great info, a while back I had actually read a few articles about Gundry's diet program and watched a coupe of his videos.  On your recommendation I am going to buy his Plant Paradox book.  I am going to do his diet plan, I got nothing to lose but more weight.  Thanks again for taking the time to post this information, I am really hurting in my Lyme treatment and I am becoming more convinced that diet is the answer.

 

 

[40-yearsOnVideoPorn]

Rex, I wish you well, brother.
    First no porn and now this? You are obviously a man who thinks clearly. I commend you for this decision.

If I can offer support along your road, please feel free to ask anything. In the words of Bob Ross, ?Everbody needs a happy little friend.? I like to watch Dr. Gundry on his youtube podcast, as well. He has a wealth of video information on his youtube channel.

The Plant Paradox book should contain all the information you need to design a nice little menu for yourself. I just posted the ingredients Yes and No lists on my fridge with magnets until I was clear on what not to eat.

Getting rid of the wrong foods, the foods that cause an inflammatory response is the big one. Once you get those out, the gut heals amazingly fast.He talks about eating for your ?gut buddies - take care of them and they?ll take care of you.? and that?s the essence of the deal.

We?re creating, or fostering, our optimal gut microbiome and choosing each ingredient for this reason only. Sure we learn to eat wonderful tasting food too, but the primary focus is in what the gut needs to create its  healthiest digestive environment. Sugar, Lectins, Antibiotics, RoundUp, toxins, etc, in our foods destroys our good gut buddies and ruins our health. These simple dietary changes set everything back right, how it should be, how we?ve been for millenia before processed food was invented.

So, I am happy to hear you are starting this Plant Paradox journey! You?ll look back one day and realize this was one of those Best Decisions Of Your Life type things!