hope2reboot
Member
Keep going cranm. You can do this!
C
cranm329
Guest
Thanks guys
2 weeks. No PM.
Going into the depressed loss reaction phase. Gotta stay strong.
2 weeks. No PM.
Going into the depressed loss reaction phase. Gotta stay strong.
hope2reboot
Member
Way to cranm! I?m also at two weeks and think I?m going through the same. Be strong, we can do this. Congrats!! As our brains reboot it?ll get easier.
C
cranm329
Guest
Thanks Hope2reboot. Real encouragement. All the best to you for the next week.
C
cranm329
Guest
Day 16: No PO
Variable libido. No urges today. Waking early with *****. Must be careful not to self pleasure and artificially get dopamine high.
Variable libido. No urges today. Waking early with *****. Must be careful not to self pleasure and artificially get dopamine high.
hope2reboot
Member
Way to go cranm! Stay diligent. I too woke up early with the same experience and thoughts. Keep going....we can do this!
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cranm329
Guest
3 weeks clean
Emotional flatline with irritability. This third reboot feels different to others. Really no interest in anything s.....l outside marriage.
Emotional flatline with irritability. This third reboot feels different to others. Really no interest in anything s.....l outside marriage.
C
cranm329
Guest
One month in:
Dead to old way of thinking and believing. Have denied, given up and destroyed the monster from the Id*. Absolutely no interest in porn (the monster) because it can no longer feed on negative emotions.
*Forbidden Planet 1950s movie.
Dead to old way of thinking and believing. Have denied, given up and destroyed the monster from the Id*. Absolutely no interest in porn (the monster) because it can no longer feed on negative emotions.
*Forbidden Planet 1950s movie.
Iloveicecream
Member
one month is excellent!!!!! awesome!!!
C
cranm329
Guest
6 weeks no PM
Getting used to being dead to P. Almost enjoying the freedom to live without addictive behaviour.
Getting used to being dead to P. Almost enjoying the freedom to live without addictive behaviour.
workinprogressUK
Well-Known Member
If you can continue to avoid and prevent negative emotions, you really have achieved something to be cherished. Wishing you a great weekend.
C
cranm329
Guest
Thanks WiPUK. Hope you've had a good one too
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cranm329
Guest
7 weeks clean.
Potential trigger today on daytime TV....nothing. Could have been watching Mickey Mouse. Continuing moment by moment assertion of my monster's death. For me, it is working. Must not be tricked by memories and mental programming.
Potential trigger today on daytime TV....nothing. Could have been watching Mickey Mouse. Continuing moment by moment assertion of my monster's death. For me, it is working. Must not be tricked by memories and mental programming.
workinprogressUK
Well-Known Member
i always admire your clarity of focus.
C
cranm329
Guest
2 months porn free.
Losing sight of the old ways and the smoking remnants of the dead monster. Still bad memories but mindfulness and living in the now deals with them. PIED gone, in fact so much so that it becomes intense and overwhelming at times. Not complaining. Amazing what the free mid 60s body can do.
Losing sight of the old ways and the smoking remnants of the dead monster. Still bad memories but mindfulness and living in the now deals with them. PIED gone, in fact so much so that it becomes intense and overwhelming at times. Not complaining. Amazing what the free mid 60s body can do.
C
cranm329
Guest
10 weeks or thereabouts. No P. Some gentle M at night. O only with marital sex. I have disconnected ('killed') the addiction (' monster') from my conscious life. Therefore only the memories remain. It is now a matter of will not emotion. What used to be triggering now has no interest or charm. I see sex and my involvement in it in a clear, unpolluted way. No more inferiority based envy. No more narcissism and selfishness. The way is open to unending freedom.
C
cranm329
Guest
Weekly report. Dealing with memories and feelings of regret relating to betraying wife's trust, lying and infidelity. Reflecting on my release from the monster's grip. In biblical terms it was demonic. I no longer accept that view of the invasive unclean spirit. I am indwelt by The Spirit who is Clean. It is Love that 'delivers' us from the 'unclean' stuff that led to PMO in the first place...a lack of love when it was needed or, worse, abuse by others.
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cranm329
Guest
Still PMO free. Lost track of how long. Sounds callous but I have also forgotten the dates when close relatives died. Part of me has died with them and doesn't want to remember. Similar to P addiction; I have died to it and it has died to me. For me, the fighting and struggling is over. Death is final and irreversible. Just some memories remain but distraction and mindfulness deal with them. I am not unaware of the pain that led to to the addiction and that many guys on here have their own psychological pain. I have spent so long (40+ years) in PMO's grip and have relapsed so many times that the only way is, metaphorically speaking, down - like in to the grave. No place for feelings of superiority or success in the afterlife. For the record, I am not promoting literal suicide.
Maybe others will find an allegorical story that will be a breakthrough for them. To repeat (in case it helps someone else) mine was the penultimate scene in the movie 'Forbidden Planet' when Dr Morbius finally faces the ( his) monster from the Id. It (he) had destroyed so much in his life and kept coming through obstacles and every human effort, like PMO had done in my life. He raises his hands in surrender and shouts " I deny you; I give you up!" and then collapses. The (his) monster simultaneously fades out of reality. That, for me, was the only way to address an (my) addiction.
I would like to see the power source (industry) of P. disappear in a flash like in the final scene in the movie. It is naive to believe that that will happen in reality. Maybe if we all can experience the true wonder and pleasure of sex as it is intended to be the industry will also fade out.
Maybe others will find an allegorical story that will be a breakthrough for them. To repeat (in case it helps someone else) mine was the penultimate scene in the movie 'Forbidden Planet' when Dr Morbius finally faces the ( his) monster from the Id. It (he) had destroyed so much in his life and kept coming through obstacles and every human effort, like PMO had done in my life. He raises his hands in surrender and shouts " I deny you; I give you up!" and then collapses. The (his) monster simultaneously fades out of reality. That, for me, was the only way to address an (my) addiction.
I would like to see the power source (industry) of P. disappear in a flash like in the final scene in the movie. It is naive to believe that that will happen in reality. Maybe if we all can experience the true wonder and pleasure of sex as it is intended to be the industry will also fade out.
C
cranm329
Guest
Just over 120 days no P. Ego mind still has memories and regrets. Anger and depression like bereavement. Apologies to anyone who has lost a loved one or friend; my emotional troubles are comparatively inconsequential. Continuing to believe, not hope, that the Id monster is dead. It is no longer 'I' who lives but the Divine who lives in me.