Baddest,
Hey buddy, all you gotta do is ask... help is here. We got this. This kind of addiction is understood now. I'm reaching out to you. Check it out... follow along with me for a second and let me share my thoughts with you.
Masturbation is an escape behavior. You're doing it because you have feelings you don't want to feel. Your reaching for your dick because you are afraid to feel your own feelings. In this case, you were unwilling to expereince the feelings involved in your reboot. Flatlining is part of your feelings. It's part of your experience of who you are, of being alive. You want to open yourself up to your uncomfortable and painful feelings and accept them as part of your whole self.
Right now, you are saying that you are only willing to experience the more comfortable aspects of your whole self, and the rest of yourself you are running away from. By hiding from the experience of your whole self, you are making a choice to run away into your escape behaviors. Each time you do this, you are reinforcing the mis-wiring of your sexual health. When you start to have feelings which are uncomfortable or painful, boring or dull, or sexual, you decide, you make a conscious choice to reach for the escapism of masturbation. You decide to entertain your sexual feelings and dismiss the painful and uncomfortable feelings. No one and nothing is choosing this for you. The problem is not having studied, or not having understood, why you are making these bad decisions is because of the influence of a powerfully intoxicating neurochemical reward systems your brain is lighting up when you come into contact with porn and masturbate. You are reaching for a powerful and intoxicating drug that no one other than yourself can stop you from taking. It's one of life's lessons you've run away from learning. But now the time has come and you are starting to take responsibility for your own behavior and decisions.
You need to decide what kind of man you want to be. Do you want to be the kind of man who is afraid of his own feelings, who masturbates and looks at porn to escape from having to feel his own feelings? Or do you want to be the kind of man who is worthy of admiration by successfully rebooting and and moving forward to rewire his sexual health for good? Do you want to be the kind of man who understands why this powerful intoxicant reconstructs the minds of men? All of that knowledge is avaialble to you now. Will you crack the books and read them? Will you study the subject until you are able to pass the ultimate test. Or will you avoid the discomfort and pain of putting in the effort? Will you run for the escape?
I think you are a man who is worthy of admiration. I think you know there is no escape anymore. I think you can sucessfully reboot and rewire your sexual health but you are going to need to prove you are able to accept your whole self and live with all the uncomfortable and painful feelings that come along with being a natural man. Your natural manilness can handle it but not if the masturbating boy within is always running away to hide in your escape behaviors.
I am involved in this identical dilemma, and for the last 10 days, I've chosen to face my own feelings and accept them. It's not comfortable, it can be painful, but now I know it's just an imbalance brought on by excessive Artificial Hyperstimulation. I am correcting that imbalance now, riding out a bad hangover 40-years of video pornography has given me. That's all it is... a bad hangover from a nasty drug. The pain will lessen in time if I stay off the drug.
I'm not going to touch it again. I don't have time left in my life to live that way any more.
So I am recovering now from it. I am learning to endure my painful and uncomfortable feelings and welcome my whole self into my present moment.
You can too. You will.
Cheers,
40
