manbearpig87
New Member
Hi all,
This is my first post ever. I have just masturbated to porn, after 3 months of no PMO, idiot, I know. But please kindly hear me out.
I have watched P and M'ed to it on a regular basis since around 13, I am now 23. I found out that I have erectile dysfunction when I was with my ex GF more than 5 years ago. Unwilling to face my issues, I blamed her and ended my relationship with her. Since then I masturbated even more frequently.
I got kicked out of college and started playing computer games everyday, ate, slept and masturbated while not gaming. This lasted for 3 years, and I did not tell my parents until they assumed that I was graduating, the time bomb had finally exploded. During this time, I developed bipolar depression, had frequent suicidal thoughts.
My parents were very disappointed, my mother also has history of depression and emotional instability, but she responded with full support and positivity, my father took a while to recover from this shock, but he also responded similarly, but he still blames himself for my failure to this day. With the love of my supportive family, last year I decided to go back to school to pursue a degree. And I also told them about my ED. We saw few doctors and found nothing wrong with me physically.
After some digging on the internet, I found this site and was convinced right away that I have PIED. And there is also another condition, I cannot masturbate while standing up. Since every time I masturbated, I have always done it on a chair or on my bed, I have never masturbated while standing up, so as soon as I get on my feet, it is like an off switch, I lost erection almost right away even with hand stimulation. I was also able to maintain erection better while I was on the bed with my exGF 5 years ago.
So I have be on the reboot program for 3+ months, and I have had wet dreams 2-3 times. Last week I saw some pics of beautiful women on facebook and had the biggest hard on in quite a while, I was so very horny, the cowpers fluid was dripping out (sorry for being so graphic), so I masturbated to oragsm in the washroom without any pixel, but relying on my fantasies while standing with a 60-70% erection since I started losing erection walking to the washroom. After that I had 4 wet dreams within 8 days, orgasm twice in one night, had to change 2 pairs of boxers! I find myself thinking about sex a lot before I go to sleep, I dont know if this is possible, but I think I am getting better at having wet dreams, there were a few times when I woke up with a hard on right before I am close to orgasm. I am starting to worry a lot about this and I am not sure if this is part of the recovery or if it damages my recovery, it certainly doesnt help my other condition because every time I had orgasm I am on my bed. Lastly, the worst of all, before I wrote this message to you all, I got horny and started looking at pictures of beautiful women, one thing led to another, I wanted to test if I can get a 100% hard on standing up while watching porn, I did and I masturbated to orgasm.
Sorry if my story is long, but I think most of the details are important.
I do have a few questions:
1. How do you stop yourself from looking at beautiful women on internet while they are everywhere (social networks, ads)? Usually, one thing leads to another, and I feel the need to masturbate again.
2. Are women in bikinis (everywhere on the internet) considered porn or soft porn?
3. Is there anyone else who cannot maintain an erection while standing up, without constant stimulation and have PIED?
4. Is my other condition curable by reboot?
Thank you very much for helping.
Sincerely,
MBP
This is my first post ever. I have just masturbated to porn, after 3 months of no PMO, idiot, I know. But please kindly hear me out.
I have watched P and M'ed to it on a regular basis since around 13, I am now 23. I found out that I have erectile dysfunction when I was with my ex GF more than 5 years ago. Unwilling to face my issues, I blamed her and ended my relationship with her. Since then I masturbated even more frequently.
I got kicked out of college and started playing computer games everyday, ate, slept and masturbated while not gaming. This lasted for 3 years, and I did not tell my parents until they assumed that I was graduating, the time bomb had finally exploded. During this time, I developed bipolar depression, had frequent suicidal thoughts.
My parents were very disappointed, my mother also has history of depression and emotional instability, but she responded with full support and positivity, my father took a while to recover from this shock, but he also responded similarly, but he still blames himself for my failure to this day. With the love of my supportive family, last year I decided to go back to school to pursue a degree. And I also told them about my ED. We saw few doctors and found nothing wrong with me physically.
After some digging on the internet, I found this site and was convinced right away that I have PIED. And there is also another condition, I cannot masturbate while standing up. Since every time I masturbated, I have always done it on a chair or on my bed, I have never masturbated while standing up, so as soon as I get on my feet, it is like an off switch, I lost erection almost right away even with hand stimulation. I was also able to maintain erection better while I was on the bed with my exGF 5 years ago.
So I have be on the reboot program for 3+ months, and I have had wet dreams 2-3 times. Last week I saw some pics of beautiful women on facebook and had the biggest hard on in quite a while, I was so very horny, the cowpers fluid was dripping out (sorry for being so graphic), so I masturbated to oragsm in the washroom without any pixel, but relying on my fantasies while standing with a 60-70% erection since I started losing erection walking to the washroom. After that I had 4 wet dreams within 8 days, orgasm twice in one night, had to change 2 pairs of boxers! I find myself thinking about sex a lot before I go to sleep, I dont know if this is possible, but I think I am getting better at having wet dreams, there were a few times when I woke up with a hard on right before I am close to orgasm. I am starting to worry a lot about this and I am not sure if this is part of the recovery or if it damages my recovery, it certainly doesnt help my other condition because every time I had orgasm I am on my bed. Lastly, the worst of all, before I wrote this message to you all, I got horny and started looking at pictures of beautiful women, one thing led to another, I wanted to test if I can get a 100% hard on standing up while watching porn, I did and I masturbated to orgasm.
Sorry if my story is long, but I think most of the details are important.
I do have a few questions:
1. How do you stop yourself from looking at beautiful women on internet while they are everywhere (social networks, ads)? Usually, one thing leads to another, and I feel the need to masturbate again.
2. Are women in bikinis (everywhere on the internet) considered porn or soft porn?
3. Is there anyone else who cannot maintain an erection while standing up, without constant stimulation and have PIED?
4. Is my other condition curable by reboot?
Thank you very much for helping.
Sincerely,
MBP