Trying to beat DE

[vispren]

Hello.

I have just discovered this place, after a month or so on PEgym.
I have been searching for answers for my DE problem for a very long time. PEgym was helpful, but wasn't  really the right place for that, because they are more about growth excercises and premature ejaculation.

I am 30, healthy, married and have a beautiful 2yo old daughter.
Have been suffering from DE my whole sexually active life. I started masturbating when I was 8 or so and as I grew up porn got me and got me hard. Haven't broke free from it, still.

As for DE, I started noticing problems as soon as I started having sex, but dismissed the problem as something that will sort itself out. It didn't. After a number of sexual encounters I noticed I wasn't able to O without jacking off, when having sex no matter what I or the girls I was with tried.

Embracing DE as something good - the ability to last forever and jackhammer away, thinking I am some kind of sex legend, did me no good, as all of my partners, sooner or later, noticed something was up and I had no explanation for them or myself.

Then I met my wife. Same things happened - even though she's insanely hot, except on very rare occasion I haven't been able to cum with her. One of the biggest mistakes I have ever made is getting her used to me masturbating after sex with her just laying there. The fact that this is exactly how I got her pregnant, hurts me like a son of a bitch. IMO, no woman ever should become pregnant like this...

Fast forward a couple of years and here I am. As my problem progressed during the years, porn became a fix I needed daily. Even if I don't jerk off I need to look at it, at least in the morning. My taste has changed and became very fetish oriented, pulling me into full blown addiction.
It became so bad, that I used to get up at 5.30 every morning before my wife wakes up, so I could check out my favorite porn sites, not masturbating every morning but browsing, looking for stuff I haven't seen before. If, however, I am not able to do this routine, I become rude to my wife and impatient with my daughter.

At this point, I am fed up with this shit, I needed something to help me out, to get back to reality, to be able to escape my habbits.

So, I am here, looking for advice and motivation to break free from porn and DE.

My plan is to stop cold turkey, not jerk off and try and better my life, for me and my wife.

I have a feeling this will be hell, but I got to get to the other side.

 

[vispren]

Also,  I am sorry if I broke any rules about posting. It's just that I needed to share as soon as possible.

 

[Cerati]

I had the same problem as you. I couldn't have an orgasm while having sex. It's definetely a consequence of porn. I quit porn a while ago and finally could eyaculate by having sex. Actually many times since that experience. I still haven't beat de ED, and still rely on Viagra for having sex. But feel like I'm advancing slowly to reaching my objective.

Bottom line, it can be cured. Just make an effort for your family and leave porn.

 

[William]

I am lucky to never have suffered PIED.  That said, I did have DE, which should be changed to could-not-cum-except-with porn, but CNCEWP is just too much.  Once I rebooted and rewired, I no longer have that problem.  Also, my erections got harder and bigger.  I am batting homers these days. 

You need to get educated.  Go the this site's home page.  On the upper right side is The Great Porn Experiment vid.  Understand your problem and it will get a lot easier to fix it.

 

[vispren]

Thanks for replies, guys.

As I said, I was looking for answers on line for a while. I found out about the nofap on reddit, Gary Wilson and YBOP and have been blown away by the ammount of info I was getting. It finally made sense.

Later, I found this place and after lurking in the dark for a while, reading,  I decided that this is the right place for me.

I will be opening a journal and try to document everything I am and will be going through.

Any advice?

 

[fugu]

I would definitely say a reboot will benefit you and it sounds like your situation is pornography caused. Delayed ejaculation is typically the precursor to a lot of other serious problems pornography can cause, so it is good that you are tackling this problem now instead of 5-10 years down the road when you potentially could have ED.

My advice is just to do a solid no porn and masturbation reboot! Your case is interesting because you are catching the physical side effects of porn early in their development - most people here are at the erectile dysfunction stage. I'm saying this because I'm really not too sure what the timeline is for someone who has DE to recover - I definitely have to believe it is much shorter than those of us who suffer ED. Most rebooters take time off from orgasm in general to rest their brain but, honestly, I don't think you need to do that because you don't have ED yet.

Keep us posted!

 

[vispren]

I would definitely say a reboot will benefit you and it sounds like your situation is pornography caused. Delayed ejaculation is typically the precursor to a lot of other serious problems pornography can cause, so it is good that you are tackling this problem now instead of 5-10 years down the road when you potentially could have ED.

My advice is just to do a solid no porn and masturbation reboot! Your case is interesting because you are catching the physical side effects of porn early in their development - most people here are at the erectile dysfunction stage. I'm saying this because I'm really not too sure what the timeline is for someone who has DE to recover - I definitely have to believe it is much shorter than those of us who suffer ED. Most rebooters take time off from orgasm in general to rest their brain but, honestly, I don't think you need to do that because you don't have ED yet.

Keep us posted!

Thank you and for the reply.

The thought about my years long DE problem as an intro to more (imo) serious stuff like ED, scares me and motivates me even more to remain steadfast.

I am trying to retrain my brain to get rewards only when I'm with my wife. I deserve it and she definetly deserves it.
Also, a lot of self control needs to be included, because I don't want to get "fetishy" with her, at all for the timebeing.

The reason for wanting to tame my (foot) fetish is simple:
I have been into it for to long and it is what has been fueling my porn addiction, mostly. She doesen't really have a problem with that, but it does nothing for her, sexually. I don't want to get rid of it entirely as I believe everyone has that one "thing"  they love when it comes to sex and it can be a bonus or a way to spice things up in bed, on occasion. Hers for example, is to just pull down her clothes just enough for me to penetrate her. She loves that, for some reason.

The funny thing about foot fetish porn addiction is that it is much harder to abstain from. Feet are everywhere as they are not mostly considered "adult material", so no porn blockers really work (I have tried).

Maybe that is exactly how I need this to happen to me: step by step, one day at a time, no easy tricks.

I want to keep track of my progress for two reasons:

It would be nice to have everything documented for motivation and to look back at when having a rough time, as I am sure there are going to be some serious chasers and withdrawals and maybe it will help someone who is facing the same demons as I am.

 

[Brooklyn Jerry]

I was having de even though I never really thought about that. I did not cum too easily during  intercourse and took some time when getting oral. I would take myself in hand. I had noticed on some videos male strippers taking forever to cum, and having to finish with there own hands. I thought it strange a hot chick blowing them and they can't cum. I guess it's from sex to often.
As for the fetish porn, I would bet most of the girls are not really into it, they  just are n it for the cash.
  I made up my mind no  PMO ever, right now I have a SO and sex once or twice a week is fine. If I had no partner I might MO,when the need was great. But daily . Hang in and think about pleasing your wife.

 

[vispren]

I was having de even though I never really thought about that. I did not cum too easily during  intercourse and took some time when getting oral. I would take myself in hand.

Jerry, thanks for the reply.

How did you manage DE?

Delayed ejaculation is a burden I have carried for the past twelve years. Like I've said before, I was able to cum during sex sometimes, but that was very very rare.
I'm new to rebooting and could use advice from someone who had DE.

From what I have read so far,  I need to heal my dick, because apparently I was death-gripping for years and I need to heal my brain. As I said in my journal, my plan is to not fap for a month and try sex with my wife. If it works, it will only motivate me to continue with the reboot and rewiring. If it doesen't, I will try sex again later on in the reboot program.

 

[Brooklyn Jerry]

I am not an expert on any of this stuff. But it makes sense that years of stroking by  a mans grip would desensitize your penis. From what I have read as a man ages it does take more time to cum, in some cases that's a good thing. When I was younger I tried all the methods I read about to delay cuming, ( thinking about bowling or some sort of nonsense) . I did m then, but not as much as when Internet porn came about. I have found that not JO for a few weeks worked for me. I do believe wanting to have sex with your wife and not viewing porn will do the trick.