Hi Rick, you can recieve the best advice in the world but nothing will happen unless you change inside. I do not have a big penis, and the same goes for a lot of men. by watching hetero porn you just allow yourself to go in to the state of penis envy. No drugs, no amount of self victimisation, shame, or what ever, will ever get you to be satisfied with your self. Porn, it is often quoted, from the science and from addicts breeds shame and perpetuates being a victim. I recently (end of december 2018) ended my 5th relapse. I feel it now, that this is it,but it is largely possible with communities like this one, 'Your Brain on Porn' and so on to give me the support.
How does your partner feel I am sure that your partner would not marry a man with a small penis if they thought that that is what is most important. You are more than this and your partner must see this. I recently watched a few videos on youtube by an ex-porn actress ((at the time) Redheadredemption)) and one of her videos was about penis size. she has seen a lot of big cocks and I do not just mean mens genitalia. She made it very clear that it is what you do with it that counts, that size is not important. A lot of women feel the same with their bodies. If there is no heart connection then how she looks is not really important.
This size shaming is the same we as men judge women. I love fat women as well, but looking at porn messed with my mind.
All I can really say other than talk to your partner, as porn in any relationship is not a positive thing for the relationship. And look at it in the mirror every day for a couple of minutes untill you are happy. this will hurt and you may very well find reasons not to do this. Does it feel good to touch (gently,softly, with care and love). this is also what I would say to any woman who has vagina shame.