44 years old on the brink of falling

C

Creep

Member
In one hour I?ll reach 60 days with no PMO, and 133 days in total since I started my reboot I only relapsed 1 time in which I PMO?ed 2 times. The last few days have been smooth sailing again but I know temptations will come again so I am vigilant. Still...I?m starting to believe I will finally conquer this habit.  :)
 
L

Lero

Guest
Dutchguy said:
In one hour I?ll reach 60 days with no PMO, and 133 days in total since I started my reboot I only relapsed 1 time in which I PMO?ed 2 times. The last few days have been smooth sailing again but I know temptations will come again so I am vigilant. Still...I?m starting to believe I will finally conquer this habit.  :)
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Man, this is fucking great! 60 days! The struggle pays off eventually.
 
F

Free-man2018

Active Member
Congratulations Dutchguy!
Can you tell us how do you feel?
Did you noticed any change trough these days in your recovery?
 
C

Creep

Member
75 days clean.
I surpassed my previous streak, going now for 90 days hard mode. I have to admit I have had some brief peaks at material I shouldn?t have looked at but didn?t give in.

The change that I see is I am much stronger attracted to real women, even the ones that I would have considered ?ugly? a few months back. But also my reaction to potential harmful stuff is way more heavy, which is more and more forming a risk unfortunately.

The change that I would like to see, more confidence in general and also with women, I do not feel it yet, maybe that needs more time. Also I cannot really say that my energy level is significantly higher than before, like other men seem to experience.

Anyway still hanging in there, and no willing to give in now.
 
C

Creep

Member
80 days without PMO.
Yesterday has been a very hard day, I don?t know why but urges went crazy and I did look at some stuff I should not have. With willpower I lasted until later that day when I was going to meet some friends but I was very close to a relapse. At the moment my mind is quiet again but I fear next time I won?t be able to resist  :( . Anyway, doing it day by day, and 90 days is in reach so I need to keep my strength.
I think maybe it?s not (yet) a matter of if I will relapse but when. The important thing is to get back on the horse as soon as possible and learn from every past experience.
 
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BigMog

Active Member
Good luck Dutchguy. Really hoping you can come through this difficult period. I?ve been in the same situation many times before so I know it?s challenging.
 
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Free-man2018

Active Member
It's very hard to deal with some arousal images that we can't avoid or just comes to our minds. But we have to persist in avoid them with time to one day these images don't trigger to us anymore.
Examples:
1. You're walking trough the streets and?TRIGGER: you see a giant lencery billboard. We have avoid to watch it and keep walking.
2. You're going to the beach to spend the day there, but suddenly ?TRIGGER: there are tons of girls in bikinis and others making topless.(that is a really hard situation that possibly I couldn't deal with it because cravings and urges would come to me and I would fantasize) I would read a book in the beach and enjoy of the sea and waves or leave that place soon.

I think we need time to fix the damage that porn has made. But I have to say that these examples of arousal are vanilla or very soft triggers, because I know that after these comes hard stuff and porn like it happened when I have 14. So I think it's a very dangerous circle. We have to be cautious.
 
workinprogressUK

workinprogressUK

Well-Known Member
Great work staying clean for so long. Re-focus and stay with it, my friend!
Please be prepared for the 90-day mark to have about as little importance as the 17-day mark, the 36-day mark or the leaves blowing on the wind. Chances are that you'll continue to be triggered and have tough days way beyond 90. Sounds like you're well prepared though.
 
C

Creep

Member
Yes, I realize that 90 days on it self doesn?t really mean that much. However, I need to set an horizon for myself. Without it I would surely fail.

Thanks for the support though, really appreciated from all of you guys  ;D
 
workinprogressUK

workinprogressUK

Well-Known Member
Just re-read my earlier comment and it was a pretty shitty thing to say. Sorry Dutchguy. You're doing seriously well and doing so much repair on your neural pathways by staying off P for so long. It was lame of me to sound less than encouraging. You're doing great and i wish you every success.
 
C

Creep

Member
workinprogressUK said:
Just re-read my earlier comment and it was a pretty shitty thing to say. Sorry Dutchguy. You're doing seriously well and doing so much repair on your neural pathways by staying off P for so long. It was lame of me to sound less than encouraging. You're doing great and i wish you every success.
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No, I didn?t think it was shitty at all, don?t worry. In fact it?s a good thing to point out the dangers ahead. Let?s face it, porn addiction is a pretty shitty thing so we need to keep each other sharp.

I really appreciate your comments. Thanks again for your insights.
 
W

Wallie123

New Member
Knowing your triggers, which in your case was personal stress, is the first key to stop porn. 
I read you should substitute porn with something else.  The next time you experience stress and have the urge to look at porn, try doing something else.  Good luck  :)
 
C

Creep

Member
Unfortunately I relapsed after 92 days an it is a big relapse. I PMO?d probably over 20 times in a week. Trying to come back to my senses, have been clean for 5 days, but the urges are bad. Mind is tricking me on all levels. Hope I can get out off this soon, I know urges go, but when you indulge after a long time they seem to get so much stronger
 
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