E
Electronic Husky
Guest
The definition of porn here is not actually porns that you will typically see.As i developed an very unusual fetish that i will not give detailed account(to avoid triggering myself)
I can only say that it is a fetish for a certain kind of clothes,either worn by woman or worn by man(possibly due to escalation,I am not a gay atleast I think,and I cant be excited by nude body of man either).Later on it escalated to BJ scenes with these clothes
and even several other clothes , and even more...and what can excite me at begin first simply doesnot work now...
My story:
This fetish had developed when I am 11 years old(after reading some article on internet)
But nothing happened until 15 years old,as I dont know how to masturbate and mostly hadn't overstimuli myself then(possibly due to the fetish is vague then).
On 15 years old I began to masturbate,and like the most people here I PMO daily at first , begin to up to 5 PMO session everyday on 16 years old , and in desperate search of those PMO materials
and thing goes on an on, new categories(escalation) had been developed ,and old categories just not as interesting as beginning typically after several months.
On the end of 17 I began to feel bad , and has been feeling bad since then. I tried to stop without knowledge from YBOP and begin dating with real girl,but I simply cant...It is compulsive
However my brain has wrote something down in subconsciousness to do it:
I simply CANT ORGASM when PMO with those fetish...I feel NOTHING WHEN CUM ! and coming alone with the cum is uncomfortable penis...
As a result PMO session never go beyond 1 per day or per two days...And I feel nothing after cum but anxiety and disgust,I simply cant understand what i have done...
and i dont want to cum.this discouraged me from faster escalation.
Even thouth unability to orgasm my brain still desperately wants to look at those,and i do look for materials until 48 hours ago.
And when i am not in a state of dopamine craving i simply cant be triggered as i gain nothing from cum(probably self-constraint process)
at a time i even can go through many 5 consecutive days without cum(but with a lot of fantasies , which is even more harmful than cum itself as dopamine rushed for an extended period)
Now what happened:
1.Mild to medium HOCD due to escalation to men wearing those,and/or some scenes(but i cant be excited by men themselves either)
2.Serious PIED.I can notice beautiful girls in real world,but i simply cannot be excited by them AT ALL.I can ONLY be excited by fetish scenes.
at a point i even thought that VAGINAL SEX IS BORING(even Disgusting?probably because of HOCD modified what I thought).(this further pushed HOCD)
however i cant be excited by guys in person either...
3.
-Serious social anxiety disorder
-Serious low selt-esteem and low ego
-Serious depression session once in a while that is persistent for a few weeks
-Mild but always anxiety throughout days,
-Mild general OCD
-Unable to control emotions once in a while
-Insomnia if not fapped
(A combination of unstable dopamine level and terrible feel-bad about what happened)
I can only say that it is a fetish for a certain kind of clothes,either worn by woman or worn by man(possibly due to escalation,I am not a gay atleast I think,and I cant be excited by nude body of man either).Later on it escalated to BJ scenes with these clothes
and even several other clothes , and even more...and what can excite me at begin first simply doesnot work now...
My story:
This fetish had developed when I am 11 years old(after reading some article on internet)
But nothing happened until 15 years old,as I dont know how to masturbate and mostly hadn't overstimuli myself then(possibly due to the fetish is vague then).
On 15 years old I began to masturbate,and like the most people here I PMO daily at first , begin to up to 5 PMO session everyday on 16 years old , and in desperate search of those PMO materials
and thing goes on an on, new categories(escalation) had been developed ,and old categories just not as interesting as beginning typically after several months.
On the end of 17 I began to feel bad , and has been feeling bad since then. I tried to stop without knowledge from YBOP and begin dating with real girl,but I simply cant...It is compulsive
However my brain has wrote something down in subconsciousness to do it:
I simply CANT ORGASM when PMO with those fetish...I feel NOTHING WHEN CUM ! and coming alone with the cum is uncomfortable penis...
As a result PMO session never go beyond 1 per day or per two days...And I feel nothing after cum but anxiety and disgust,I simply cant understand what i have done...
and i dont want to cum.this discouraged me from faster escalation.
Even thouth unability to orgasm my brain still desperately wants to look at those,and i do look for materials until 48 hours ago.
And when i am not in a state of dopamine craving i simply cant be triggered as i gain nothing from cum(probably self-constraint process)
at a time i even can go through many 5 consecutive days without cum(but with a lot of fantasies , which is even more harmful than cum itself as dopamine rushed for an extended period)
Now what happened:
1.Mild to medium HOCD due to escalation to men wearing those,and/or some scenes(but i cant be excited by men themselves either)
2.Serious PIED.I can notice beautiful girls in real world,but i simply cannot be excited by them AT ALL.I can ONLY be excited by fetish scenes.
at a point i even thought that VAGINAL SEX IS BORING(even Disgusting?probably because of HOCD modified what I thought).(this further pushed HOCD)
however i cant be excited by guys in person either...
3.
-Serious social anxiety disorder
-Serious low selt-esteem and low ego
-Serious depression session once in a while that is persistent for a few weeks
-Mild but always anxiety throughout days,
-Mild general OCD
-Unable to control emotions once in a while
-Insomnia if not fapped
(A combination of unstable dopamine level and terrible feel-bad about what happened)