L
Lero
Guest
Unbreakable said:
5 weeks without PMO, but I've MOed 3 times (I don't know if this is good or bad).
The greatest challenge ever told
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5 weeks without PMO, but I've MOed 3 times (I don't know if this is good or bad).
Unbreakable
Member
We all know we can mastrubate, and most of us don't have physical injuries. They say that for heavy users, 1 year, maybe even 2 is the way to a full reboot. I wouldn't expect miracles after a little over 1 month.
Thing is, it is always tempting to check. But I believe you shouldn't do that. Let it heal on it's own. Men of the old times didn't mastrubate either. One can now understand why.
Unbreakable
Member
Had a very strong chaser effect last night after indulging in fantasies. The result was that I couldn't sleep the entire night. I spent like 6 hours in bed, wide awake. The things that were triggered felt like white fire in my head. I don't know how else to describe it.
When I woke up, I noticed I was like 1/4 erect. I was laying on the side. As I clumsily tried to get up, I managed to squeze my own penis between my legs. I can still feel it. The gods have their way in giving punishments. Hope there is no long term damage. The paranoia is setting in.
When I woke up, I noticed I was like 1/4 erect. I was laying on the side. As I clumsily tried to get up, I managed to squeze my own penis between my legs. I can still feel it. The gods have their way in giving punishments. Hope there is no long term damage. The paranoia is setting in.
Unbreakable
Member
Things are moving forward. Have pretty strong withdrawal symptoms, with shivering, shaking and mood swings.
Not good that it seems like I must have hurt my eardrum with a syringe. It just doesn't feel right. Managed to hurt my kne too. It's my health paranoia talking.
Not good that it seems like I must have hurt my eardrum with a syringe. It just doesn't feel right. Managed to hurt my kne too. It's my health paranoia talking.
The Unhappy Fapper
Member
Unbreakable said:
Unbreakable said:
Damn sorry to hear about that one man. The midnight attacks are the absolute worst as they creep up on you at your weakest moment - I've often failed in those moments. Hang in there man. And those mood swings and changes in perception of reality are also tough to deal with especially if they are recurring.
Have you got anything or any activities you can use to distract yourself?
Unbreakable
Member
Thank you. From what I read we are in very similar situation. I have my training/exercise. I use to walk pretty long distances, but last time my route was blocked by some road work, and I had to turn back. The exercise happens provided I have the energy.
I MO'd today. I got about 80% erect and it was hard to keep an erection. I should not do this often or at all, but right then and there I had to releave some of the mental pressure that has been building. My duty now is not to keep it up, and by all means, avoid any chaser effect.
One of the previous days I had a horrible experience. That is to say, I had the entire day by myself, but since I didn't have the porn, which my mind was constantly seeking, I got completely lethargic. I was unable to do anything at all, and it was a terrible feeling. Giving up on porn creates a void you have to fill with something. To me it's something physical. Training and eating, basically.
My health paranoia is still there. I fear I have a retraction in my ear drum due to an accident. I will have it checked out in three weeks time. In the meantime, I can't let the fear and anxiety dominate me.
I'm also in touch with an interesting woman. She seems to be quite interested in me, and I've told her about my condition. With that in mind, I must treat my affliction with due seriousness.
So, back in the saddle it is. One MO, nothing more.
L
Lero
Guest
Unbreakable said:
I actually suffer from something like this too. Some kind of hypochondria-like manifestations.
Unbreakable
Member
Some of it is real. Some of it is not. I have a tendency to hurt myself due to my neuroticism, and the neuroticism makes me ruminate more. I've read that neuroticism and anxiety gets worse with low serotinin, something a porn addicion deprives you of, since your body doesn't learn how to produce serotinin in a natural way. During a porn reboot, you can be hit by it all. Depression, lethargy, anxiety ... The good thing is that it will pass, given time. I'm prepared for a rough ride, but I will make it to the other side.
Unbreakable
Member
It is now the 1st of september. Autumn has begun in earnest. I've now been porn free for 14 days. During that time, I only MO'ed once. The next 14 days, I will not do it even once.
It's a long road to be healed from this evil. I will always have this addiction, and my sexual function will gradually get better. But we're talking months and years.
These 14 days will turn into 14 weeks, and then 14 months, because porn is no longer an option. I recognize this evil and what it has done to me, and I must get rid of it. It's a spiritual battle, and
I must show myself worthy.
So my short term goal now is to reach the 15th of september, and not having MO'ed once. I have very little money right now, so I can't really reward myself. My self discipline must be it's own reward.
I wish luck to all my fellow souls who go through this struggle. We are good people, because we want something that is better. Let us crawl out of this pit. There is hope knowing it can be done!
It's a long road to be healed from this evil. I will always have this addiction, and my sexual function will gradually get better. But we're talking months and years.
These 14 days will turn into 14 weeks, and then 14 months, because porn is no longer an option. I recognize this evil and what it has done to me, and I must get rid of it. It's a spiritual battle, and
I must show myself worthy.
So my short term goal now is to reach the 15th of september, and not having MO'ed once. I have very little money right now, so I can't really reward myself. My self discipline must be it's own reward.
I wish luck to all my fellow souls who go through this struggle. We are good people, because we want something that is better. Let us crawl out of this pit. There is hope knowing it can be done!
Unbreakable
Member
Just received some stressful news, and discipline is lapsing. Hard times ahead, friends. Hard times ahead.
I'm a fighter. I can fight. I will fight.
I'm a fighter. I can fight. I will fight.
The Unhappy Fapper
Member
dude hang in there man! We're rooting for you! Dun give up pliz
Unbreakable
Member
I had a little glitch, I admit it. I don't even know what happened. By afterthought it was a trigger that spoke to me at the deepest level of this sickness. I'll be generous with myself and not reset the counter, as long as I'm adamant with myself now. The nature of this beast is indeed treacherous. It is your own mind making war against itself. I will let this surge of dopamine subside, and move forward. Not all progress is lost. As of now, I will avoid triggers all week, and give a report when it's done. That will be sunday the eight of september.
If I analyze myself. There was a trigger, sure. But behind that, I got some very bad news from someone. Nothing too serious, I think, but potentially bad. It is the stress and pain that makes my discipline collapse. And how do I fix that? I don't know. There will always be stressors, pain and triggers.
I deal with alcohol by avoiding it. (it is a trigger) With this ... every time I feel stressed I need to get out of the door. I must develop an awareness of myself in such regards. Just walk it off physically, instead of sitting indoors.
Unbreakable
Member
I'll be completely honest. Again it strikes me how little functionality I have. The problem doesn't seem to be physical, it happens because my brain is completely fried. Makes me think how much I must have damaged myself through the years. This is a far cry from how I functioned in my youth. The change was gradual, it snuck upon me, but when the consequenses showed themselves, they were absolute in their mercilessness. Oh well, I will do nothing but move forward.
L
Lero
Guest
Unbreakable said:
I'll be honest as well. I think that my brain is fried too. I mean, even masturbating without P fucks me up. I need time to "repair" my fucking brain and I need the absence of P, PMO and MO too.
Unbreakable
Member
As I get deeper into this, I realize it's true what they say. When you remove the negative that is porn you need to replace it with something positive. I definetly should get an entrance card to the local training center, but right now I'm completely out of money, and it's sabotaging me. Oh well, more walks then. Hope the knee gets better.
The Unhappy Fapper
Member
Unbreakable my man, are there any public park gyms near you? Or places with suspended bars and parallel bars where you can chin or dip? Here in Europe they are pretty common and i try use them when i can't find any decent gyms. Also pushups and situps are a good distraction i find.
Anyway man, i hope you're good.
Anyway man, i hope you're good.
stepbystep
Active Member
Yes, public gyms are great if you have access nearby. Otherwise, there are lots of good youtube workout videos. Keep going. You can do this!
Unbreakable
Member
Thanks guys.
Pretty high emotions. All the repressed feelings I masked with porn are coming up. Mostly sadness and a feeling of emptiness and despair. Made a 15 km walk today. Came back home and too tired to do anything. Tomorrow I won't walk, but try to do some work in front of the computer. I imagine training every other day would be a good way to go about it.
Pretty high emotions. All the repressed feelings I masked with porn are coming up. Mostly sadness and a feeling of emptiness and despair. Made a 15 km walk today. Came back home and too tired to do anything. Tomorrow I won't walk, but try to do some work in front of the computer. I imagine training every other day would be a good way to go about it.
Unbreakable
Member
I think I have a bit of an unusual reaction to the flatline. In the middle of the day I suddenly get very tired and have to sleep for like 4 hours. Must be the reward system and the dopamine thing.
Free-man2018
Active Member
You could have a low pressure blood, or acumulated stress these days?