I'm very familiar with that feeling, yes. Personally I could easily love someone who has watched porn (it'd be rather hypocritical if I couldn't!) I think I'm more similar to you than I first realised; I havn't reached out to anyone in my life, only on this forum and one friend who lives on another continent. I too worry how they'll see me, I'm not sure they'd understand our struggle. But like I said, our demons are
personal and don't involve anyone else. Meh, I'm not really able to offer any advice here, just explaining how I feel so you understand you're not alone. I've found it's gotten easier with time, and with the help of this forum. Knowing that I don't need to feel guilty for the actions I've taken in my addiction, and we're working hard to better ourselves. Even if you have a slip, it's all part of recovery, and all human nature.
So yeah, you should stop beating yourself up, because you're doing well
slip ups happen to everyone! You should quit for yourself, not for anyone else. All of those things you're saying about yourself when you relapse are wrong and counter-productive. Like I said, positivity is key. And you're worthy of that positivity, because you're (from what I've seen) a lovely person, and the very fact that you beat yourself up so much about porn, and worry so much about what people think just goes to show how compassionate and conscientious you are.
I'm not sure this post contains the best advice I've ever given, but it's a tough one because you've hit so close to home with your last post. But we deserve happiness, Questions, and we deserve freedom. We can beat this thing