C
changing-mind
Guest
Well, this is my journal. I don't really know how to begin so I guess I'll start at the beginning.
I began to masturbate and watch porn about 2 years ago, when I was 14. I'd heard guys talking about it in school so I was curious and I was starting to revise for my GCSEs as well so I guess I was stressed too. I didn't really see anything wrong with it at first but as time went on I realized that it wasn't right. I tried to quit many times but just ended up depressed by my constant failures. A bit under a year ago I considered suicide as a solution. I told my parents and my youth leader in church about it immediately because I then became scared and things were better for about a week, longer than I had ever gone before.
Then I relapsed. I fell into a cycle of getting stressed, masturbating, feeling guilty, swearing not to do it again and then doing the same thing a couple of days later. I would keep this secret, despite admitting to it earlier, and occasionally trying something new, like applocking software on my phone, which didn't work because I knew the password.
Now I'm done. After I masturbated tonight I realized that I had done it for 6 consecutive days, maybe more. I want to do something about it and am determined not to slip up. That's why this journal is called changing my mind- because I'm going to change no matter what.
I began to masturbate and watch porn about 2 years ago, when I was 14. I'd heard guys talking about it in school so I was curious and I was starting to revise for my GCSEs as well so I guess I was stressed too. I didn't really see anything wrong with it at first but as time went on I realized that it wasn't right. I tried to quit many times but just ended up depressed by my constant failures. A bit under a year ago I considered suicide as a solution. I told my parents and my youth leader in church about it immediately because I then became scared and things were better for about a week, longer than I had ever gone before.
Then I relapsed. I fell into a cycle of getting stressed, masturbating, feeling guilty, swearing not to do it again and then doing the same thing a couple of days later. I would keep this secret, despite admitting to it earlier, and occasionally trying something new, like applocking software on my phone, which didn't work because I knew the password.
Now I'm done. After I masturbated tonight I realized that I had done it for 6 consecutive days, maybe more. I want to do something about it and am determined not to slip up. That's why this journal is called changing my mind- because I'm going to change no matter what.
