Journal - Quitting PMO Addiction

[maladaptive daydreamer]

Hello forum.

Just a quit post.

I have finally realized that my PMO has nothing to do with sexuality and desire for sexual relief, but is rather a massive stress coping mechanism.

I, kind of, understood this for a while now, but porn watching has never been a detrimental thing in my life, other than guilt, (apostate Christian), everything else seemed to be going good.

However recently I have been going through a very difficult time in my life, and I realized how really dependent on PMO I was for dopamine.

I am 42 and have used porn since I was 13.

The thing is, I grew up, married, had kids, overcome my massive abuse, (dad beat the shit out of me almost every day up until 16) become successful, own a business, all the while watching massive amounts of porn. I never hid it from my wife, I told her right as soon as I started dating.

However at this point I realize that my PMO is not about normal sexual relief, but about the stress relief aspect of it.

Since I am all about self betterment and stuff, I decided I no longer want to be controlled by porn.

So I am 3 days no PMO, no fantasies or anything sexual at all. Let's how it goes.

 

[jstatca]

Thanks for sharing your story. It is both inspiring and insightful. I too, feel, I PMO because of stress relief, even do it for things such as alleviating boredom or feeling slightly down/low energy.

Sharing your story helps people like me understand I'm not the only one.

Best of luck!

 

[maladaptive daydreamer]

Thank you for the response. Definitely entertainment is part of it. I will freely admit that I like porn. But not the consequences of it. Regardless I am done with it.

 

[IDRick]

Daydreamer, good luck man!  Keep up the battle!  You're amazing with a strong will, you've overcome a far more difficult issue from the past.  Good on you!  Pulling for you! 

 

[maladaptive daydreamer]

OK it's day 5, just got triggered by a stupid clothing ad. Was reading the Bible online, and a simple clothes ad scrolled by.

Saw her fake lips and it was a freaking heat flash through my body. Damn I really screwed myself up. It is 18 outside going for a walk.

 

[maladaptive daydreamer]

Well, I survived. Walked to a convince store, bought a piece of chocolate cake and ate it. Figured the dopamine from sweets might help. No idea though. This is all new to me.

Seems to have helped, either that or it was the cold. At the very least the sudden craving is gone, but the visual is still in my head. Looks like this isn't going to be easy.

 

[J01]

Weaponizing chocolate into the battle-sounds fun!  Good job defeating the urge, and keep up the good fight!

 

[maladaptive daydreamer]

Weaponizing chocolate into the battle-sounds fun!  Good job defeating the urge, and keep up the good fight!

Thank you for the encouragement.

Weird thing is after that intense craving episode, the craving for porn has decreased drastically. Which is good. As long as I don't look at anything remotely pornish. I even avoid the billboards on the highway. Lol

Also I don't know if this is related, but my mood has changed, I find myself laughing at the dumbest jokes and stuff. Has anyone ever heard of this before?

 

[warp4]

Yeah, things do get better when you start to get clean.  Triggers are the worst, especially when you are under a lot of stress.  Hang strong, it'll get better.  At least I hope it does.

 

[maladaptive daydreamer]

So not sure what happened, but last night I had crazy anxiety and a severe panic attack. Never had this before. The whole world turned dark lol. It was crazy. I am guessing my dopamine levels are low?

Luckily I was dead tired from work, so I went to bed and immediately fell asleep.

I am 9 days PMO free so far.

 

[SietchTabr]

OK it's day 5, just got triggered by a stupid clothing ad.

Keep it going!

I've been amazed in these last few years how easily my desire (to use a shorthand word) can be triggered. I honestly thought that this whole sex-drive thing was supposed to calm down as I got older, but if anything, it seems it's continually ramping up.

So, like you, the most seemingly innocuous image in a magazine, or a glancing view of a woman coming toward me ? she might be a hundred yards away! ? can be enough to set my wheels in motion.

Glad to know I'm not the only one.

 

[maladaptive daydreamer]

So it has been 20 days with no porn or mastrubation. No flatline to speak of. Something that I actually want. Just so I could take a break from sex.

Anyway, I do have sex with my wife. No ED, but a lot of delayed ejaculation.

My porn craving are a lot less, I can go on 9gag and not be triggered by the thots. Lol. I did activate the NSFW filter on the app.

Oddly enough, I miss porn. I find myself trying to rationalize that it is nothing, not a betrayal of my marriage. Although I feel that it is the opposite. Which causes crap load of panic and anxiety.

Anyway, new year resolution is not to watch porn for 2020.

 

[maladaptive daydreamer]

Day 1

I got overconfident. First day on my business trip, well crap loads of problems, which caused me stress. PMOed.

This is going to be difficult.

Still on for 2020 though.

 

[FreeMe]

You can do this!

Using porn as a coping mechanism for stress is something I have had to struggle with at times as well. It's like getting high or being intoxicated and is a place to hide from your problems. What helps me in these scenarios is going to the gym or at a minimum, going for a walk to decompress.