Quit day, journal

[IDRick]

Hello,

I am a 65-year-old that has been married for 39 years.  I have been addicted to porn for at least 30 years, becoming worse as porn became more accessible online.  I had been viewing porn for 1 to 3 hours daily and attempting masturbating to porn most days. I have difficulty achieving erections with porn or with a partner.  When I do achieve an erection, I am not able to come to orgasm.  I am taking several medications that affect my ability to achieve erection or orgasm.  My doctor believes that my issues are age-related and due to heart, blood pressure, and depression medications.  The last depression medication appears to be a tipping point, with sexual dysfunction increasing dramatically.  The medication has been very helpful and stopping it seems like a poor choice (well, other than potential improvement in sexual function).  He prescribed Cialis but it has not improved the situation.

It is clear I need to do something about the porn + masturbation situation and hope that it will improve depression and sexual function.  I have deleted all the downloaded videos on my computer.  I am reading intently on PIED as I start this journey...  Wish me luck and the will to break this addiction!

 

[maladaptive daydreamer]

You have definitely made the right decision. I am new here myself, but I will tell you, based on some of my experiences, like bouts of furious porn use, your body is exhausted.

Believe it or not, without porn addiction, the body naturally doesn't desire that much. Plain ole vanilla sex is perfectly fine and capable of satisfying.

Right now though the porn addiction is a whip. I have experienced this many times, especially when going through long periods of stress in life. The demands of porn addiction is unlimited, but the human body is limited. Saying no is the answer! Best of luck.

 

[IDRick]

Day 2, a porn free day!  Wahoo!  Took some time to think about my triggers and where PMO happens.  I have a downstairs office that is reasonably free from interruption.  I have decided that I will focus on one thing only (like to have tv on while on the computer).  If there is a program I want to watch, I will watch or else the tv is off.  If I found tv boring I would look to see what's up on the computer including going to porn sites and FAPPING.  Second new rule, if watching tv, computer is turned off.  Third new rule. computer use is restricted to only appropriate uses such as working or recreational reading on my hobbies or sports.  Fourth rule, spend more time doing productive things such as working on my model railroad, working in the shop, cleaning, etc to reduce time spent on both computer and tv  Fifth rule, get active, go to the gym.  Need to strength my right knee in preparation to future surgery and walking is great for my heart!  These are more goals than rules but hopefully I will achieve a high degree of compliance over time.

Biggest triggers to use porn are boredom and sexual frustration.  Sex life with my wife is basically non-existent and she has not been willing to work together to improve the situation.  I clearly recognize I could be a major part of the problem and need to make some changes but we have to be able to communicate and work together.  It's not happening and get a cold shoulder/no response if try to start a conversation.  The only relief to pent up tension was porn, but I am showing all the signs of PIED.  Clearly, it was not the answer.

 

[J01]

Good job on getting going and taking preventative measures to engage in the battle.  Best wishes moving forward !

 

[IDRick]

Thanks jixu, most appreciated!

 

[IDRick]

Day 5, still clean, wahoo!  Truthfully has always been easier to not use during the work week.  I was highly tempted yesterday evening but turned my computer off and went into my train room to work.  Interestingly, my accountability partner texted shortly after to see how I was doing, thankfully I could say great, on track!  Great to have a friend that will hang in there with me, I definitely need the accountability!

I can say that this is a great time for me to start a reboot.  I was losing interest in porn.  All the videos seemed the same, used the same playbook, and seemed to totally use women...  What self-respecting woman wants a facial or be penetrated by multiple men at one time?  Besides losing interest, the PMO was also not working.  No loss to give up something that was anxiety-inducing but I know the temptations always reappear as one gets better...  Need to be every vigilant..

 

[IDRick]

Seven days clean, Wahoo!  Had some strong urges but left the office to work on my hobby, take a walk or go to the gym.  Progress but I know it is not an addiction that is easy to give up, still many more days to go to be out of the woods and hopefully have positive physical changes in the future.  I can say I have become real horn dog compared to the past, little noticable change on penis front but then not really tested either...

Wishing the best to all that are dealing with breaking this addiction!

 

[IDRick]

Stumbled a week ago.  Was pumped with a solid erection and strong ejaculation.  Next day stumbled but nothing.  Back on the wagon, clearly flatline, no libido, no night wood or morning wood.  Fatigued and very lethargic.  Day 5 of new hardcore noFAP.

 

[J01]

Hi Rick!  Hope you are still engaged in the battle!  Keep going, it is worth it.  It is always hard to get going on anything new that is important.  Take care!

 

[irvgmz]

Here I am. I am starting again. I recognize that I need to get an internet accountability partner. I want/need to be able to say I am leaving this behind.