Hey Jason,
I've taken it very seriously and did admit I have a problem. I'm not sure if you listened to my recording or are just posting.
Anyways, here's an update on what I have been update.
My last porn viewing date was December 15th. Since then I have been learning more and more about addiction and especially porn addiction. I've read a lot of articles https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/ and watched Gabe's video's Youtube. I also went to a sexaholics anonymous group meeting near more. https://fightthenewdrug.org/ also put out a great three part documentary. The second part of that documentary was about porn on relationships and that really made me hurt knowing that I had hurt myself and my ex in what was a pretty solid relationship outside of my sexual issues which are due to years or porn viewing. A friend also purchased a great book called the Porn Trap which I have read half of. The same thing hit me when it talked about the stories of partners of porn addicts and how it affects them.
I've also uncovered the main reasons why I watched porn. This is the biggest key for me. The main reason was because growing up I had no sexual experience and used porn feel like I could get comfortable when the time came for my first experience with a women. The first few experiences didn't go well and I turned to porn even more to avoid the awkwardness. Well this went on for years and after having a few relationships that suffered due to my sexual issues from porn addiction, I went back to porn for 4 years without an experience. The other reason is I use it to avoid depression and anxiety. I'd use it to calm myself and did some in this last relationship when we had some friction due to my sexual issues or to turn myself on after feeling like bad about myself for a weeks and not being able to get turned on.
All of these things have drilled home how bad porn is and how I will never go back.
I've felt really horny of the last two weeks as well. A few dreams about my ex and going back to the great sex we did have along with fantasizing about her has gotten me really hard. I've jerked off twice the last two days just by thinking about her and was able to orgasm in 3 minutes and 1 minute using a softer different technique as described here in how to overcome death grip syndrome http://curedeathgrip.com/plan-a.htm. I know many have advised against this but I haven't been able to jerk off and reach orgasm without porn in a longggg time. I do plan to stop for awhile and just let my erections be.
Thanks for reading and and feedback or thoughts is appreciated!
