Today is the first day of the rest of my life

[GottaReboot]

I guess I should have seen this coming. 21 days and reset

The stress of unemployment combined with some other triggers and baddabing baddaboom Bob's your uncle... If there is a bright side it is that I didn't go full on hardcore porn but I did binge on a bunce of NN stuff that is close enough. Looking on the brightside I made it 21 days and in 42 years that is the absolute longest I have gone without a fix. Realizing 90 is a huge goal I am setting a new goal for myself, 22 days and each day after that is gravy.  It won't do me any good to beat myself up about this, I do that over enough things myself anyway, so I am just going to pick myself up and carry on carrying one.

 

[BigMog]

Hi GottaReboot- yep that?s a great attitude-pick yourself up and carry on. And if there?s some extra little nugget of information you can pick up from the lapse about how to reduce the chances of it happening again, then that?s even better.
I?m quietly cheering you on from the sidelines.

 

[GottaReboot]

Thanks BigMog. I'm three days in a so far so good

 

[GottaReboot]

I haven't been here for a while, but wanted to pop in to say that in a few hours I will hit day 11. So far so good. More than me posting here, I've been reading your posts as I find them reaffirming. Stay strong everyone.

 

[GottaReboot]

So I am 8 hours away from day 21 or day 43 if you don't count a small relapse looking at nonnude p at day 20 for 3 hours. Either way, I am making progress I feel. This week for the first time in a year, I've been able to get hard without looking at or thinking about porn. My PIED was pretty strong, and when I started this process I had the dreaded flatline for quite a while, but all of a sudden the little man has perked up and let me know he's still alive and kicking.

 

[J01]

Great job-glad to hear of the improvements!  Seems to make it all worthwhile.  Best wishes moving forward!

 

[GottaReboot]

Today I am on day 25 without porn but I MO this morning. To me that isn't a fail as I didn't use porn - didn't even think about it. As I mentioned in my last post my PIED seems to be going away rapidly. I woke up twice last night with wood and one thing led to another. Again, I don't consider this a fail just part of normal sexuality. My whole goal in this is to eliminate P from my life and so far I am doing very well at that given my 40+ years of using it. So I carry on, stay "clean" and add another chalk mark to the wall so to speak.

 

[jcwright]

Keep it up. Trust me it's worth

 

[J01]

Hi GR-what's new?  Likely just hunkering down like everybody else.  Keep up the battle and keep in touch if you get a spare moment-take care!

 

[GottaReboot]

Hi Jixu,

Thanks for checking in. I'm doing OK. I had a complete reset on March 10 and have been trying to get back on track. I've run across some things online and taking a glance rather than just clicking away... What I have learned though is that I have definite triggers. One is finances (being unemployed right now doesn't help that one) the other is stress/boredom (covid doesn't have that one).

I've started working out at home to keep me busy and am just trying to make it to the next day.  I hope all is well with you.

 

[J01]

Hi GR!  A pretty good report, at least the way I see it.  You've identified and focused on your triggers, your clean days greatly exceed the bad, and you are getting back on track after a stumble.  That is an encouraging example of perseverance.  I also have a short-term focus in mind-be clean today and tomorrow, that is what I am shooting for.  Take care!

 

[GottaReboot]

True True. I actually put together a little excel calendar and color in the boxes on the days I stumble in red and the good days in green. Since January when I started the green far outweighs the red and I hope to keep it that way. I like your attitude clean today, clean tomorrow. Keep up the great work Jixu

 

[joepanic]

Hey GottaReboot


    Hows the last few days been  Calender have lots of green in it?

    cheers

    Post often it helps me it helps you

 

[GottaReboot]

So I've been away from here for a while. What can I say, life got in the way. Anyhow, today is 20 days since my last relapse.  March 31 and April 1 were a bit of a binge and then I stopped, flatlined and am now starting to feel a bit more normal. This time around I don't seem to have the urges I had previously at this point so maybe I can make it further this time around. Looking at my calendar, even though I've had some slips I can honestly say that since I started this on January 17, I have a total of 86 really great days with no porn or PMO and 10 days with minor or major slips. For a guy that is 55 and has been looking at porn since he was 12, that is freaking amazing.

Stay well everyone.

 

[J01]

Nice to see you on board again with a good report! The good clean days are truly better; although a clean day doesn't make all the problems go away, it sure helps in gaining patience and clarity of mind in dealing with the difficulties that arise in the various areas of life.  Dude, take care, let's do this ! 

 

[GottaReboot]

It's been a while since I've been here. I wish I could say that it was because life took over but in reality my demons took over and I had a major relapse. I went on a downloading watching binge for about 10 days. I am back at day one, starting fresh, have deleted it all and am just going to work on getting the effing thing on track. I noticed over the past couple of weeks as this happened a bit of a personality change - easier to anger with family, more sullen, etc. So I an using that as inspiration to move forward. I prefer my kinder gentler self to the asshole that was popping out. Fingers crossed that I can find the will power to make it more than 21 days at a time this time.  Stay well everyone.

 

[J01]

Great decision to get back into the battle.  Dude, no more 10 day binges!  At any rate, what really matters?  What matters is today, right now, and focusing on being clean tomorrow as well.  Start racking up the clean time again and the anger and ahole stuff will diminish. Life is hard, and it can be even harder when you are responsible for people. Great decision to reengage; shake it off and keep moving forward.