So my entire life I've been attracted to girls never have I ever had any feelings about guys. So anyway when I first got started pmoing it was to regular porn and girls. Evenutally I escalated to gay porn and found it to be very exciting. Used it for on and off for about 3 years. Man I wish I never came across this shit but anyway I delved deeper into it eventually fantasing about it to the point that I thought I wanted to try to try it, especially when I was so caught up in the moment. Nevertheless whenever I would finish I would be really confused and disgusted with myself, but eventually the disgust faded away a bit. I would have to finish to straight porn after to feel okay with myself. Anyway when it finally came time to have sex go figure I couldnt even get aroused go figure i thought it was just PA. Anyway what i noticed about 3months ago was that I could only get hard to gay porn and even gay fantansies would give me a raging boner. I freaked out when I realized this and promised myself never to pmo again. I was 10 weeks in and had a gay wet dream to which I freaked out and later that day I even came my pants due to the chaser effect. Anyway I was determined to get over this however a week after this I came my pants again just by a mere thought that I couldnt get out of my head. Im struggling with eliminating these thoughts, but have gotten progressively better at it. Deep down I know Im not gay but its as if my brain just wants be to give in and when I did my head starts feeling like really weird like totally imbalanced. Its almost like a sick fetish that gets me off that I imposed on myself. Im so confused to what I am going through a total identity crisis, hell I wouldnt care as long as I could have sexual attraction towards a girl like I used to. Is the road to recovery possible for me? Im so detered by this that I have I dont know what to do. Im really scared that right now and just need some positive feedback. I'm currently in college in a competetive major and cant find myself able to focus on the work and am considering taking a leave of absence for the semester to see if I can figure things out. There is one thing that Im sure about I will give this my all, theres no doubt that I know this is going to be difficult but at this point I refuse to let anything break me.
in dire need of opinions and some positive feedback
- Thread starter datkid93
- Start date
It's incredibly common, and a good abstinence based reboot will sort it out, based on the accounts I've read. Many people, including myself have found that their porn usage will, over time, escalate to a point where we're viewing content that we find disturbing and out of character. People who have gone through a successful reboot have documented that their sexual kinks have faded over time, allowing them to enjoy normal relationships again.
First of all I'd like to mention that there's NOTHING wrong with being gay. The reason PMOing to gay porn disturbs so many rebooters is that it doesn't feel like an expression of their latent sexuality. To you, gay porn is novel, and it's shocking, and it's that value which causes dopamine highs that you're brain craves. The higher the dopamine spikes, the more you crave it, the less appealing everything else will seem, as nothing will cause such high dopamine spikes and you'll become desensitized to more tame material.
When you reboot, you give your brain a rest from sexual stimuli. No porn, no wanking, no fantasy, just avoiding sex entirely as far as possible. This will mean you're no longer pushing those buttons that cause massive dopamine releases. That's where withdrawals often come in. You're brain will throw a hissy fit and make you feel like shit so you'll give it its fix. You just have to starve it of dopamine for the reboot. Eventually you'll level out again (takes an average of 90 days, but could be quicker or longer from person to person) and your brains natural pathways will be restored. You won't be craving gay porn, or any porn for that matter, because, after the reboot your brain will have become more sensitive to the natural things that cause dopamine release. Vanilla sex in a loving relationship, a lingering glance from a pretty lady, a conversation that runs long into the night, well past a sensible cut off time...etc.
Is the road to recovery possible for you? It sure is buddy. Gotta stick at it though, it's a tough journey and it takes patience. Best of luck, datkid93!
First of all I'd like to mention that there's NOTHING wrong with being gay. The reason PMOing to gay porn disturbs so many rebooters is that it doesn't feel like an expression of their latent sexuality. To you, gay porn is novel, and it's shocking, and it's that value which causes dopamine highs that you're brain craves. The higher the dopamine spikes, the more you crave it, the less appealing everything else will seem, as nothing will cause such high dopamine spikes and you'll become desensitized to more tame material.
When you reboot, you give your brain a rest from sexual stimuli. No porn, no wanking, no fantasy, just avoiding sex entirely as far as possible. This will mean you're no longer pushing those buttons that cause massive dopamine releases. That's where withdrawals often come in. You're brain will throw a hissy fit and make you feel like shit so you'll give it its fix. You just have to starve it of dopamine for the reboot. Eventually you'll level out again (takes an average of 90 days, but could be quicker or longer from person to person) and your brains natural pathways will be restored. You won't be craving gay porn, or any porn for that matter, because, after the reboot your brain will have become more sensitive to the natural things that cause dopamine release. Vanilla sex in a loving relationship, a lingering glance from a pretty lady, a conversation that runs long into the night, well past a sensible cut off time...etc.
Is the road to recovery possible for you? It sure is buddy. Gotta stick at it though, it's a tough journey and it takes patience. Best of luck, datkid93!
TheBadger
Member
I second everything Promise just said. He has hit the nail exactly on the head!
I don't think porn has turned you gay, your brain has just responded to the shock of your abstinence and will do everything to get you to think about the content you used to view. With time the wet dreams will stop being so similar to the porn you have watched. Its all about the dopamine; gay porn is shocking and causes you to become anxious which in turn jacks up your dopamine levels higher than the levels they were when watching straight porn- this is due to the added anxiety. Many people escalate in different ways so don't worry about it, your brain will eventually return to the natural way that you know it should be. Just give it time and patience.
I'm certain you will get through this!
I don't think porn has turned you gay, your brain has just responded to the shock of your abstinence and will do everything to get you to think about the content you used to view. With time the wet dreams will stop being so similar to the porn you have watched. Its all about the dopamine; gay porn is shocking and causes you to become anxious which in turn jacks up your dopamine levels higher than the levels they were when watching straight porn- this is due to the added anxiety. Many people escalate in different ways so don't worry about it, your brain will eventually return to the natural way that you know it should be. Just give it time and patience.
I'm certain you will get through this!
As I've said on other threads in this forum, SAA is another great tool for people fighting sex/porn addiction. When I first confronted my porn addiction I discovered this forum. For some, this forum is all the support they need to recover. For me, I needed more. I was very nervous going into my first sex addicts anonymous meeting but I'm thankful I went. I've been to 3 meetings and it is great to be face to face listening to others share their stories of addiction and recovery. It's face time you don't really get on this forum.