So my entire life I've been attracted to girls never have I ever had any feelings about guys. So anyway when I first got started pmoing it was to regular porn and girls. Evenutally I escalated to gay porn and found it to be very exciting. Used it for on and off for about 3 years. Man I wish I never came across this shit but anyway I delved deeper into it eventually fantasing about it to the point that I thought I wanted to try to try it, especially when I was so caught up in the moment. Nevertheless whenever I would finish I would be really confused and disgusted with myself, but eventually the disgust faded away a bit. I would have to finish to straight porn after to feel okay with myself. Anyway when it finally came time to have sex go figure I couldnt even get aroused go figure i thought it was just PA. Anyway what i noticed about 3months ago was that I could only get hard to gay porn and even gay fantansies would give me a raging boner. I freaked out when I realized this and promised myself never to pmo again. I was 10 weeks in and had a gay wet dream to which I freaked out and later that day I even came my pants due to the chaser effect. Anyway I was determined to get over this however a week after this I came my pants again just by a mere thought that I couldnt get out of my head. Im struggling with eliminating these thoughts, but have gotten progressively better at it. Deep down I know Im not gay but its as if my brain just wants be to give in and when I did my head starts feeling like really weird like totally imbalanced. Its almost like a sick fetish that gets me off that I imposed on myself. Im so confused to what I am going through a total identity crisis, hell I wouldnt care as long as I could have sexual attraction towards a girl like I used to. Is the road to recovery possible for me? Im so detered by this that I have I dont know what to do. Im really scared that right now and just need some positive feedback. I'm currently in college in a competetive major and cant find myself able to focus on the work and am considering taking a leave of absence for the semester to see if I can figure things out. There is one thing that Im sure about I will give this my all, theres no doubt that I know this is going to be difficult but at this point I refuse to let anything break me.