Relapsing after coming home after a night out - any suggestions?

[nmmfm]

Hi all,

I tend to relapse when coming home after a night out.  I very often automatically open my laptop to unwind / vegetate.  It's a habit.  I might go on Facebook, or YouTube, just mindlessly surf a little.  Then before I know it I'm searching for porn.

Do you guys have any tips for breaking this habit?

Thanks.

 

[FraDolcino]

Hi,

If you come home maybe just take a shower right away.
And read something like a magazine or listen to the radio
I have noticed that for me mindless browsing indeed often leads to PMO, imagine when you have maybe consumed alcohol or are extra tired.
It just seems too dangerous, relying too much on willpower. Willpower won't always suffice to not watch.
So I think that all in all just read a magazine or listen to the radio. That is often light and easy.
Good luck. You can do it!

Kind regards,

Fra Dolcino

 

[nmmfm]

Hi,

If you come home maybe just take a shower right away.
And read something like a magazine or listen to the radio
I have noticed that for me mindless browsing indeed often leads to PMO, imagine when you have maybe consumed alcohol or are extra tired.
It just seems too dangerous, relying too much on willpower. Willpower won't always suffice to not watch.
So I think that all in all just read a magazine or listen to the radio. That is often light and easy.
Good luck. You can do it!

Kind regards,

Fra Dolcino

Thanks for your kind words and advice!  Of course reading or listening to music would be great.  I actually have a night time routine that I try to stick to (brushing my teeth, meditating, planning the next day, and reading.)  The problem is that I sometimes open my laptop and start mindlessly surfing without even realising it - I am completely on autopilot.  This happens especially when I'm tired and/or drunk.  In order to make a conscious healthy choice you have to be present/mindful. (This is in fact why I have been meditating.)  I'm not sure how to break out of the autopilot or prevent it from happening in the first place.

Maybe by making it a point to put my laptop away into my bag once I'm done using it, I will be less likely to mindlessly open it.  Another idea might be to leave a note on the laptop before going out saying something like "Are you on autopilot?  Do not use!"

The more my night routine becomes a habit and the more I keep aware of this problem the less it should happen.  Something that has helped in building my night routine habit is aiming small - meditating for 5 mins rather than 10, and being OK with only reading 2 pages of a book per night if I'm low on time or energy.

EDIT:  Just came home from a night out.  I totally ignored my advice to myself and left my laptop out, ready to use, no sticky notes on it reminding me not to use it on autopilot or anything.  But I did use Cold Turkey to block Facebook, YouTube and other distracting websites for the night before going out.  Sure enough I attempted to go on Facebook when I got home, forgetting that I had blocked it, and got faced with the block.  I smiled and thanked myself.  If I hadn't blocked it I would have probably ended up relapsing out of mindlessness.  Not today!

 

[doneatlast]

The short answer: to quit porn, you'll have to quit some other stuff too, even if those things on their own are harmless.

When we're at the edge of relapsing we're in full blown "zombie mode" and have no control.  We put ourselves into zombie mode by following certain patterns of behavior.  It could be routines, it could be thoughts, it could just be the course of our day.  The further back from zombie mode you are, the more control you have.  How far back do you need to turn the clock to a point where you can say "I am in control, and I'm going to behave differently"?  Maybe after a night out, you decide "no computer until the next day" and find another way to unwind.  If that is too much, maybe you limit your nights out.  Maybe there is something about the night out that is triggering... maybe seeing attractive women out and about makes you feel anxious and lonely, and you react by looking at different facebook and instagram profiles, and ultimately hit up the porn.  The more you break down this chain reaction, the more solutions will reveal themselves. 

It seems like you've already found a few answers, but it is worth pondering it as you move forward.

I like what you say about "aiming small".  Many rebooters get overly ambitious with what they'll do with their non-porn time, and fail to realize that they just won't have the mental or emotional energy to sustain ambitious activities like learning an instrument or learning a language.  I like the idea of easy reading... even if it means young adult fiction or a Calvin and Hobbes book.  It will absorb you, but demand little of you.

 

[Elvis on Velvet]

Hi all,

I tend to relapse when coming home after a night out.  I very often automatically open my laptop to unwind / vegetate.  It's a habit.  I might go on Facebook, or YouTube, just mindlessly surf a little.  Then before I know it I'm searching for porn.

Do you guys have any tips for breaking this habit?

Thanks.

I had similar triggers, although my porn use was more frequent in the time before I went to sleep.  I would lay in bed surfing porn on my phone, often with my wife sleeping next to me.  When I committed to recovery, I started putting my phone in another room before I got into bed.  When that proved to be not completely foolproof, I started turning it off and putting it in my car in the garage.  That's been pretty effective.  It's just too much of a pain to go out there, open the car, turn on the phone, and bring it back with me.  I realized a lot of my porn use was due to the convenience of having it right next to me and a few taps away on my phone.  Not sure what devices you're using, but if turning them off and putting them in a different room is an option, you should consider it.

Good luck!