GooseTrader
Member
Hey guys, I'm back to this forum after a few years of being away, and this will be my 4th REAL commitment to rebooting. I just turned 30 in December, and I've had a couple of streaks of 30-60 days but I always end up getting pulled back in. Fortunately, the days of PMOing 3+ times per day every day like I did in high school and college are over, and now sometimes I wont give in for 7-10 days, then I'll do it 3-5 times in two days, or I might consistently do it once every 2nd or 3rd day for a month at a time.
I'm not going to share the long version of my story in this first post, I will sprinkle it out as I go, but here's a general overview:
Very lonely childhood, loving but emotionally unavailable parents. had basically no supervision really ever, and got my own computer in my room when I was 13(which was of course a bad idea)
started PMOing at 12, for the next 8 years I was a consistent 3+ times(sometimes up to 6-8x on weekends) a day every. single. day. did a ton of edging at night.
Had PIED with a dozen different women from 16-21, didnt lose my virginity until first 30 day streak at 21.
Developed HOCD due to porn escalation, actually hooked up with 1 male and 3 trans women when I've been at my lowest points. I'm a straight man, who when depressed, porn use increases drastically, and that shift in sexuality starts to occur. I've found there's such a direct correlation between depression, porn use, and how aroused I get by degradation and humiliation, and homosexual behavior.
Got married to an amazing woman at 25, cheated on her with a girl I worked with, and my wife finally divorced me in July of last year and has completely moved on from me, even though I wanted SO BAD to try to fix our marriage.
Actually performed as a cam model, MOing for gay men on webcam for money, which I kept in house and used to interact with other women on the website. I did this during the late stages of my marriage, after the porn use started to become heavy again, but before I cheated on her. After self-reflecting on this, it just goes to show how much I loved the ATTENTION I got.
and here I am today
I'm moving 2 hours away from the city I live in where EVERYTHING reminds me of my ex-wife and the shame from my divorce. I'm starting graduate school in May. I have a girlfriend right now who has dealt with addictions before, but she knows EVERYTHING about my story, and shes willing to help me through this process, and might move with me in a couple of months.
I'm currently on Day 5 of no PMO. I guess you could say I'm doing hard mode right now, but we are planning a vacation trip in three weeks, where we are planning to have sex, then we will again when her birthday comes around a few weeks later, but then nothing else until I move, and even though I would love to make it a one month thing for the next year or so as I continue to focus on my own personal recovery, then LONG TERM I would eventually like to follow the Taoist philosophy of only ejaculating every 7-14 days. Of course, all this depends on how everything goes, but I'm actually EXCITED about this process again.
I'm not going to share the long version of my story in this first post, I will sprinkle it out as I go, but here's a general overview:
Very lonely childhood, loving but emotionally unavailable parents. had basically no supervision really ever, and got my own computer in my room when I was 13(which was of course a bad idea)
started PMOing at 12, for the next 8 years I was a consistent 3+ times(sometimes up to 6-8x on weekends) a day every. single. day. did a ton of edging at night.
Had PIED with a dozen different women from 16-21, didnt lose my virginity until first 30 day streak at 21.
Developed HOCD due to porn escalation, actually hooked up with 1 male and 3 trans women when I've been at my lowest points. I'm a straight man, who when depressed, porn use increases drastically, and that shift in sexuality starts to occur. I've found there's such a direct correlation between depression, porn use, and how aroused I get by degradation and humiliation, and homosexual behavior.
Got married to an amazing woman at 25, cheated on her with a girl I worked with, and my wife finally divorced me in July of last year and has completely moved on from me, even though I wanted SO BAD to try to fix our marriage.
Actually performed as a cam model, MOing for gay men on webcam for money, which I kept in house and used to interact with other women on the website. I did this during the late stages of my marriage, after the porn use started to become heavy again, but before I cheated on her. After self-reflecting on this, it just goes to show how much I loved the ATTENTION I got.
and here I am today
I'm moving 2 hours away from the city I live in where EVERYTHING reminds me of my ex-wife and the shame from my divorce. I'm starting graduate school in May. I have a girlfriend right now who has dealt with addictions before, but she knows EVERYTHING about my story, and shes willing to help me through this process, and might move with me in a couple of months.
I'm currently on Day 5 of no PMO. I guess you could say I'm doing hard mode right now, but we are planning a vacation trip in three weeks, where we are planning to have sex, then we will again when her birthday comes around a few weeks later, but then nothing else until I move, and even though I would love to make it a one month thing for the next year or so as I continue to focus on my own personal recovery, then LONG TERM I would eventually like to follow the Taoist philosophy of only ejaculating every 7-14 days. Of course, all this depends on how everything goes, but I'm actually EXCITED about this process again.