metalheadLars
Member
Hi,
i want to share my story for the first time ever and finally stop to watch sexually stimulating content for good. For me masturbation became important early, when i was 12 a always used to masturbate after school before doing homework or play videogames. Watched first porn with 14, also the age when i could undisturbed access the internet from a computer in my room. So my school days went flying away - i smoked weed, drank a lot and went to a lot of partys. Still didn't run into any trouble at all. First Sex i had was with 18 but i could really penetrate because i had masturbated multiple times already that day. I dont know how, but when i was 19 i finally when i love with a girl and we had a functional relationship with good sex for almost 3 years. During that time i still consumed porn and started to get into more weird stuff that involved hypnosis, feminization and lot of flashing images. I felt that porn turned me on a lot then the vanilla sex with my girlfriend a got a bit worried. We broke up because she and i went abroad into different countries. First a could stay away from porn for month but later relapsed even worse, sadly i was also struggling with drug addiction and depression because i could find a new girl. I overcame those though times because i moved and met great supportive friends, however the porn topic was still on the table.
I'm now 27, in my PhD and the last 4 years i couldn't form a meaningful relationship. I tried to stay absent and sometimes manage for a couple of weeks, i sometime used porn really heavily. What i have achieved is just somehow "manage" my addiction - so i don't suffer from too much escapades, but i'm still heavily hooked. I have failed to get an erection when being with girls on just almost every girl i have been with and that is not a lot to be honest.
Apart form the serious porn problem my life is going quite well, i have been lucky with friends and family and even no fear of losing my job or run into other trouble. Although i sometimes complain about high workload and unsupportive colleagues. What's really frustrating me though is that i can't find a girl and that i feel so awfully shameful because porn fetishes that i haved asked anyone for help.
So that's why i came here. In the journal i will be brutally honest to myself about porn consumption and also substance consumption - this is somehow related for my. Main goal is to stop porn and be strong enough to never start again. Any tips, discussion and questions are really appreciated.
Cheers,
Lars
i want to share my story for the first time ever and finally stop to watch sexually stimulating content for good. For me masturbation became important early, when i was 12 a always used to masturbate after school before doing homework or play videogames. Watched first porn with 14, also the age when i could undisturbed access the internet from a computer in my room. So my school days went flying away - i smoked weed, drank a lot and went to a lot of partys. Still didn't run into any trouble at all. First Sex i had was with 18 but i could really penetrate because i had masturbated multiple times already that day. I dont know how, but when i was 19 i finally when i love with a girl and we had a functional relationship with good sex for almost 3 years. During that time i still consumed porn and started to get into more weird stuff that involved hypnosis, feminization and lot of flashing images. I felt that porn turned me on a lot then the vanilla sex with my girlfriend a got a bit worried. We broke up because she and i went abroad into different countries. First a could stay away from porn for month but later relapsed even worse, sadly i was also struggling with drug addiction and depression because i could find a new girl. I overcame those though times because i moved and met great supportive friends, however the porn topic was still on the table.
I'm now 27, in my PhD and the last 4 years i couldn't form a meaningful relationship. I tried to stay absent and sometimes manage for a couple of weeks, i sometime used porn really heavily. What i have achieved is just somehow "manage" my addiction - so i don't suffer from too much escapades, but i'm still heavily hooked. I have failed to get an erection when being with girls on just almost every girl i have been with and that is not a lot to be honest.
Apart form the serious porn problem my life is going quite well, i have been lucky with friends and family and even no fear of losing my job or run into other trouble. Although i sometimes complain about high workload and unsupportive colleagues. What's really frustrating me though is that i can't find a girl and that i feel so awfully shameful because porn fetishes that i haved asked anyone for help.
So that's why i came here. In the journal i will be brutally honest to myself about porn consumption and also substance consumption - this is somehow related for my. Main goal is to stop porn and be strong enough to never start again. Any tips, discussion and questions are really appreciated.
Cheers,
Lars