No attraction for real girls - quitting 15 years of pmo - journal

goingpublic

Member
Had no idea that M is edging, too. I thought only PM is edging.
So what I described in my last post: that was edging.

This reddit entry describes it very well: https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1tbx3b/edging_clearly_defined_putting_to_rest_the_grey/

Quoted from that link:

'''
Edging (masturbation) (v):

1. The act of masturbating without ejaculation, with or without orgasm.

2. The act of stimulating genitals to the point of pleasure and the neuro-response of dopamine release without ejaculation. Generally achieved through the act of masturbation to reach orgasm, yet ending before ejaculation.

3. The act of purposefully maintaining an erection for an excessive period of time through sexual fantasy or pornography by fondling or using external objects on oneself to induce sexual stimulation when sexual activity with a partner is not a possibility.
'''

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Current streak is at 10 days.

Had no urges so far.

Tested myself today though to touch alone. Full erection came easy. Although I had no urges, basically a total flatline feeling, it was still very easy for me to get pleasure from that.

Lately I read a journal from the group "Ages 30 - 39" from user "DepressedAndOut". The guy is kind of similar to me. No sexual experience and a long time of porn use. Apparently he is still in flatline.

I suspect that for guys with no sexual experience forceful rewiring might be the only way to get desire for real women. A reconditioning is needed very similar to changing your diet. At first you might not like the different food. But after a while you reconditioned yourself and enjoy it.

I think you can start the reconditioning as soon as you can enjoy M and MO. In the early phase of my reboot I tried to forcefull MO which took me 1,5h. Now I can MO in about 5 minutes!

I think this approach is more practical than the quite low chance approach of achieving hardmode for more than a year or even many years (altough a couple of guys have done it).

That's almost the same as the consensus of the community which is: start to rewire as soon as possible.
Since I feel no desire for kissing, the process of rewiring is going to be forcefull for me. Well, at least I'm not willing to wait for how long god knows for my desire to maybe come back.

My resolution so far is thus: if your are able to have sex (you can get and stay erect for it), do it and recondition yourself for real sex even if you don't feel like it.

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Lasty:

This post by user younggun15 titled "Urgent Reading For Those Rebooters taking a LONG Time!": http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=18477.0

In essence he says (quoted from post):

'''
A proper reboot for long rebooters is a HARD MODE REBOOT FOR MANY MANY MONTHS.

The one thing I do not appreciate about Your Brain On Porn is....

1). It says reboots should take 3 months. This is not true anymore. For hard core people with big problems - a proper reboot is 1.5 - 2 years. GET USED TO IT and ACCEPT IT.

2). It provides loose guidelines on masturbation (this leaves it open for guys who are addicts to continue to MO thinking they are still making progress).

OK. THANK GOODNESS YOU READ THIS. I AM GOING TO TELL YOU WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH YOUR REBOOT AND WHY YOU ARE NOT REBOOTING.

1. You are still fantasizing / edging.
2). You are still orgasming alone.
3). You are still watching porn.
4). You are still watching sexy girls on screen.
5). You are still reading sexual material.

YOU THINK YOU HAVE BEEN REBOOTING. You have NOT BEEN REBOOTING. YES YOU - THIS ENTIRE TIME YOU HAVE ONLY BEEN PARTIALLY REBOOTING. I have gone on here and read virtually every fucking success story. I know what it takes to win. What sucks... is that I did not figure this out 3.5 years ago when I realized I had a bad problem. I chose not to 100% focus on it. I chose my business. I chose to put my mind in other things.
'''

So, guys, let's get serious and reboot properly!
 

goingpublic

Member
13 days

The testing I did on 26th of May which I mentioned in my last post (had no urge, did M until I got an erection, than stopped) did something interesting:
The next days I had urges to MO. I didn't M or MO, but I again let my shlong hang out and try to get / get erect.
This was very pleasurable.

I mention how pleasurable it was, because I can distinctly remember a moment in my teens where I was maybe 14 to 16 years old (was 1 to 3 years into PMO) and I was on vacation where I didn't have access to porn (maybe I had some erotic pictures on my phone, but they didn't help much). I masturbated and I needed about half an hour to climax whilest not enjoying it very much.

That is a stark contrast to how it is now.

My theory is still (I think that is basically what rewiring is) that if I would have sex now, altough there is no urge or desire for that, the same thing would probably happen as with me testing myself with masturbation: that is: I would get a taste for sex and after that would maybe crave sex.

The urges got me very close to start relapsing with MO. I didn't relapse, but basically edged a lot: I enjoyed myself with my dick out getting erect without touch. I didn't use sexual fantasy, because that still doesn't do anything for my arousal (maybe just slightly).

I read from some guys on the forum that they are mostly prone to relapse in the morning after waking up. That is not the case for me. Mostly when I wake up the urges I had before sleeping vanished. Well, since I was mostly in flatline, this situation rarely ever happend.

It happend yesterday where I had urges to MO throughout almost all day. I went to bed with an urge. Woke up with almost no urge.

Let's see how urgy the next days are. Mostly after I succeded to withstand the urges they subside and don't reoccur.

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Now I also actually did nofap: I withstood the urge when it counts. That was my reminder in this day with the urge, because I often thought "I don't care, just MO, it feels good". The crucial part of nofap and recovery is of course not giving in when the urge hits or persist for a day or more. Everyone can chill out in the flatline with no urges.

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I could also see a change in my dreams recently: I dreamt about watching porn. Whilst I was feeling the intense arousal, I did not want to masturbate to it. It felt like I would have to exert willpower to start masturbating to it. I guess that is a reflection of the built up habits of withstanding the urges.

Time to be vigilant to triggers again. For me it now is just getting naked in the bathroom and after using toilet paper on my dick where I slightly jerk it to get the urine out.
 
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