Question: how is the lockdown affecting your reboot efforts?

[Andrew1973]

Hi all, One of the members mentioned in his journal recently that the forum was very quiet recently and speculated that it may be lockdown related (guys not able to get time away from family to post/engage).

It prompted a broader question for me which is ?how is the lockdown affecting your reboot efforts?? Has it made things easier, more difficult or a combination of the two? Why is this, and have you developed any new tools and strategies that you?d like to share with the group?

Let?s keep the conversation going at a challenging time and support each other - comments welcomed!

Stay Safe, sane and porn free!

 

[imsorrynotsorry]

Hello UKGuy,

Thanks for asking.
Before the lockdown came here, which was around middle of March, the strange thought of when could i relapse during lock down came up. You see, it's the same old thing. When it gets harder for me, i feel like relapsing. But somehow i found myself tiping ybop in my browser. The mechanism of reminding myself of all the good things i achieved or will achieve helped going through this time. Right now i feel very good and i'm proud that i've controlled the first impulse.

How is workin on you?

 

[doneatlast]

I HOPE that people aren't posting because they're busy with families and other things, and not because they've just gone so deep into porn in a quarantine that they have given up a reboot.  This is going to be hard on a lot of people.

I'm 2+ years clean, but if that was a smaller gap, I'd be feeling the triggers hard.  The acute loneliness and anxiety would be fertile feeding ground for a relapse.  I still feel those things, they just don't trigger porn use anymore.  I'd be watching, so, so much porn during quarantine if it happened a few years ago.

 

[Andrew1973]

I do hope you are right DoneAtLast (plus big respect for your 2+ years!)

Like you imsorrynotsorry, I made a choice to come here recently, which I'm very happy with. I've never really interacted with others on the subject properly, and I am finding the dialogue with you all a real source of strength. Aside from that, the lockdown is a bit of a help for me in the sense that one of my triggers is being left alone in the house - the fact that that is not happening right now is a real benefit. I'm a week clean now - usually make it a week or two before relapsing, but determined to use the lockdown and this forum as an extra boost to put a real streak together.

Thanks both for your thoughts - what does everyone else think?

 

[PeterParkerPizzaTime]

I keep relapsing but I?m not looking for excuses. This is all on me. It?s up to me to face my triggers and beat them. Quarantine may be tough, but it?s tough on everyone and a lot of people are still successfully living without porn.

 

[Andrew1973]

Hi PeterParkerPizzaTime - don?t be hard on yourself. You?re here - that?s a fantastic start. What are your triggers? And what?s the plan for each one to overcome it? You don?t have to tell us here necessarily, but having a plan is far more effective than just having a goal. When you fail, how do you improve on the plan. Be kind to yourself. One step at a time. Take care.

 

[doneatlast]

I keep relapsing but I?m not looking for excuses. This is all on me. It?s up to me to face my triggers and beat them. Quarantine may be tough, but it?s tough on everyone and a lot of people are still successfully living without porn.

Well, recognizing a serious stumbling block isn't making excuses, unless you decide to just give up at that point.  In fact, I think just being able to say aloud what your stumbling blocks are instantly takes a lot of their power away.

 

[imsorrynotsorry]

I'm writing you my latest challenges.
Being off P for quite some time now is making me feel more uncertain.

I do feel with every new day the urge of O'ing and am not sure how to handle it. In the past this lead me to handle the situation 'myself' without P or fantasizing, but this lead then to more often O'ing and relapsing. Sad but true. So, can someone help me find a way through this urge or will it go away at some point? It sounds strange, but is it helpful and good to forbid myself masturbating but to have sex with my GF? Thanks for understanding the strange question.

The oher problem is a result of what i described. At nights i'm experiencing dreams about sex/masturbation and then wake up with my man in my hand. I know, this will lead to uncontrolled ejaculation at some point in the night.

Thanks for any help or advice.

The good news is, i can feel i'm getting closer to morning wood which would be a big relief for me - knowing that my natural functions are coming back. Will try to hold on!

 

[ShadeTrenicin]

I'm writing you my latest challenges.
Being off P for quite some time now is making me feel more uncertain.

I do feel with every new day the urge of O'ing and am not sure how to handle it. In the past this lead me to handle the situation 'myself' without P or fantasizing, but this lead then to more often O'ing and relapsing. Sad but true. So, can someone help me find a way through this urge or will it go away at some point? It sounds strange, but is it helpful and good to forbid myself masturbating but to have sex with my GF? Thanks for understanding the strange question.

The oher problem is a result of what i described. At nights i'm experiencing dreams about sex/masturbation and then wake up with my man in my hand. I know, this will lead to uncontrolled ejaculation at some point in the night.

Thanks for any help or advice.

The good news is, i can feel i'm getting closer to morning wood which would be a big relief for me - knowing that my natural functions are coming back. Will try to hold on!

Hey man, the thing you experience at night is out of your control. And that is okay! Don't feel bad about it, no worries man., you are only human.

Regarding us helping you, we can provide you with a place for you to always come to and post when you have urges so that you can out your feelings and with that understanding them.

If you are strong willed then 'forbidding' yourself may help, but is that the best long term approach?

The key, I think, is to understand, accept and wanting to let go, of the urges. If you forbid yourself, you might hold on for a while. But that still means that you want it. And by forbidding yourself you might add that extra bid of exitement to it. We cannot control or limit your actions. That is something that you yourself will have to do.

Therefore the main question you could ask yourself is; what will i get out of it if I (P)MO? That question will most likely lead to conclude you that the outcome is negative to you as a person.
Would you ask yourself the question; what will I get out of it if I DONT (P)MO, then the outcome will even more likely be positive, adding to your sence of accomplishment, encouraging, feeling good about yourself.

The process is tough, so very tough. I hope you manage man!

Good luck

 

[mr.slurps]

Hey Pal, It's made it easier for me.  After I finally admitted I'm an addict I was able to say, "I'll do whatever it takes" to get clean. It helped not to have any distractions. 
Also, it didn't feel good to be jacking off to porn while thousands were dying.

 

[Gambitchco]

Well, the lockdown had help be become more aware and conscious to my health and stay closer to my family. It affected me in a positive note.

 

[imsorrynotsorry]

Hello there,

thank you so much for your advice, ShadeTrenicin, mr. slurps and Gambitchco.

Thinking about forbidding and letting go helped me figure out the situation.
In my earlier trys of rebooting i always thought that 1 relapse in 90 days would be ok, because i also believed that it will never go away. I'm having trouble such a long time now. I never wanted to forbid it to me, i found that kind of schizophrenic, but it didn't helped me either or, in other words, it didn't go away. So, that will not work long time.

The new approach is letting go. It is so strange, but i'm getting sad thinking of saying goodbye to it, like saying goodbye to a good friend or even an ex girlfriend. I did that a lot in my life without looking back, but when it comes to P i don't have the strentgh to say 'see you, wish you good luck and all'. I think that's because there isn't sth comparable. After it, there is not coming a new P addiction or any addiction at all, its plain road, maybe waiting for me to turn left or right in a new road where i can find something new, healthy and sustainable.

Right now i'm good- and that is mainly because of you guys. Will hold on.

 

[Andrew1973]

Hey Imsorrynotsorry,

I like your idea of letting go, rather than fighting. There is the old saying 'what you resist just persists'.

Perhaps it's like letting go and saying 'farewell' to a friend who we've grown apart from. Someone who we used to think was really exciting and cool, but as we got to know them we realised they were unreliable, often hurt us, and wanted different things to us.

Perhaps the new healthy and sustainable future can involve many things - meeting new friends (health, hobbies, interests), helping others who have also been friendly with the 'porn friend' and are struggling to say goodbye (on here, in real life), or something completely different.

What I do know myself with certainty, is that my life is much better off without the old friend, and I am enjoying life exploring all the things I can do without wasting my time with him. Take care.

 

[mr.slurps]

Hi Imsor,  Man, I'm so glad you're not messing around with despair anymore. 
Sorry for being such a pain in the butt, but you get no slack at all on this one.
There's lots of things we can't control. Despair is not one of them.
If despair comes knocking at your door again.  Run, don't walk, the hell out of the house.

 

[imsorrynotsorry]

Hey,

That sounds great UKGuy.
I know with every day, every hour i'm feeling better, increasing my self esteem in a natural way. I hope that this makes me more confident as a person and being more balanced. I like that idea of me, and maybe i underestimated the positive effects of life without P.

Right now, i'm at the beginning of this, even though i'm around 30 days clear now and managed to control it most of the time before, but i just started with a new strategy, it is still a long long way.

Stay save
Imsor

 

[mr.slurps]

Hi I'msorry, Good going on 30, for me that's a milestone b/c I break it into thirds.
Also thanks for mentioning underestimating the positive effects. That's a biggie for me b/c it's so darn hard to pin down. But if you and other folks say theyre feeling it, I'm not going to quibble. (I know it ain't science.)
You mentioned starting a new strategy. Feel free to share. Nothing in this journey sounds goofy though for me cold showers had no attraction whatsoever. hahaha

 

[imsorrynotsorry]

Hey mr.slurps,

for me it was crucial to manage some days without PMO. If you are able to manage this, i think this is a great thing. I was just happy to have a normal day like a normal human being (because earlier i was a daily PMO user). Start with that, i would advice you.

Although i think everyone needs his own strategy in the end i will share you my thoughts.
My earlier efforts were just "stopping PMO for 90 days", with a thought in the back of my head that i will reward myself with PMO. Contradictory in a way. And for other efforts i told myself that i don't want to be too hard on myself, one or two times in 90days can't be that bad. So, we all know where that ended up.

In one thread of William in the forum i?ve read:

You see, Gentlemen, there are two types of guys here.  I only have something to say for one type.  The first type is the guy who understands porn is a problem for him, but who wants to control it, to cut back, but, to keep it in his life.  That type is an alcoholic who likes to keep a bottle in the house, even if it is not opened, and is on the top shelf pushed way back.  He is an alcoholic in denial, and sooner or later, he is going on a binge.  The first type suffers from hubris and arrogance, and ignorance. The second type is the guy who has accepted porn controls him, that he cannot control porn, but that porn has come to control him.  The second type will overcome his porn addiction through humility, knowledge, and suffering--the suffering is only for a relatively short time.  Knowing he cannot keep porn in his life and control it, he has committed to deleting it from his life, and thus controlling his life again.

I'm willing that this time it?ll be forever, with everything that comes with it. I have the feeling that this is more than i?ve expected, because it will not only change my habit with PMO, it will change a lot more. Maybe it is like 'i just want to quit porn' and in the end i have to change my whole life, my view and thoughts about myself. And maybe i?ve thought that im better than other guys and now i'm realizing that this thought is completely out of place. It?s not about being better, if you want to be healthy. We'll see.

Cold showering helped me, by the way. I'm using it since 10 years (not the whole year though, it?s too cold in winter) for improving my willpower. Back then i was doing yoga and the teacher told me, hold on to cold showering for 40 days to strengthen your will. It lasted until today. So, maybe you can try with other things to strengthen your willpower for a period of 40 days.
In other words cold showering tells you 'you can do something that one wouldn't do voluntarily, even though you know it has positive effects on the body'. You can search for the effects by yourself, but the sense is a bit the same with PMO, right?

Stay save,
Imsor

 

[mr.slurps]

Hi I'mnot,  You said two things that really resonated w/ me.
I think I've had the hidden (from myself) idea that quitting porn is a means to get laid.  In other words part of me hasn't really accepted that the porn is the problem in and of itself.
The other thing is that I know I need more humility.  I've seen that porn is a big part of who I am and giving up that part of me seems like giving away a loved one.(That sounds downright weird.)
BTW I realized I mixed you up before and thus all the stuff re despair. Sorry for the blunder.
Right now I'm the alcoholic that keeps the booze and takes a nip every day. (Edging)

 

[imsorrynotsorry]

Glad to support!

The other thing is that I know I need more humility.  I've seen that porn is a big part of who I am and giving up that part of me seems like giving away a loved one.(That sounds downright weird.)

To me, it?s not. Like i said in an earlier post, thinking of letting it go makes me truly sad aswell. And when i think about it, i have to take a deep breath and repeat to myself 'it?s over'. Like: 'we had our good times P, but since i'm aware of all the addictive parts you haven't told me about, it?s half the fun'. And as long this awareness is growing, it gets harder for P to come back.

Nevermind the blunder, we?re alright.

Sadly that bottle is never empty, but you know this. Do you know what it needs to stop the edging?

 

[mr.slurps]

Hi Imsor.  You made me think of something I learned about weight loss.  It doesn't happen at the gym.  It happens at the grocery store. If I put the icecream in my cart, I'll end up eating it, no matter how much willpower I demonstrate.
That's what it's like w/ me and edging right now. I keep putting it in the cart.
So, what I have to do is the same thing. I've been  blocking everything and that will make a difference eventually I think. But right now I'm such a junkie I'll even lie to myself.
How are you?