nothingto_seehere89
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- Thread starter nothingto_seehere89
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michael2020
Member
@djh590, I can relate to a lot of what you are feeling. When my fiancee and I have sex, i do sometimes think about porn, whether it's other women or a certain act. Usually I can bring myself back to the moment, but sometimes I don't and I do feel guilty about it. I've noticed too that I'm more likely to look up porn after having sex with her, most likely over the next few days. Or if I masturbate to thoughts of other women, again, more likely to pmo.
That's helped me be aware that I need to focus on my fiancee if I'm having sex or masturbating, because the urges will be very strong after if not. One thing that helps me get back to the moment is touch - it's one of my love languages. The touch of a human or touching her is something that pmo can never provide. It does allow me to enjoy foreplay/sex more plus it feels more intimate and real. And I'd say don't focus on her/your private parts because that can build a sexual tension, the same way edging does. I hope this makes sense and helps in some way.
That's helped me be aware that I need to focus on my fiancee if I'm having sex or masturbating, because the urges will be very strong after if not. One thing that helps me get back to the moment is touch - it's one of my love languages. The touch of a human or touching her is something that pmo can never provide. It does allow me to enjoy foreplay/sex more plus it feels more intimate and real. And I'd say don't focus on her/your private parts because that can build a sexual tension, the same way edging does. I hope this makes sense and helps in some way.
michael2020
Member
As of today it's been 26 days of me being clean. This is the second longest I've gone (longest was about 5 weeks) for the last 10 years. I've been with her for 5 years, and this has been the issue between us, especially when I've covered it up and lied to her multiple times. So I'm glad that you told her what you are going through - it's never easy to tell others, but for me it was reassuring and did lift a weight of me.
I'm proud of how far I've gone, but there's still a long way to go. But what's helped this time is essentially receiving an ultimatum from her, daily tracking and lessons via fortify, having a counselor to talk to, and bringing my thoughts back from ideas of porn to a positive person or thing in my life (i.e. anchoring). I've tried doing it myself but I always failed. So my advice is to get as much help as you can get, and don't do it alone.
I'm proud of how far I've gone, but there's still a long way to go. But what's helped this time is essentially receiving an ultimatum from her, daily tracking and lessons via fortify, having a counselor to talk to, and bringing my thoughts back from ideas of porn to a positive person or thing in my life (i.e. anchoring). I've tried doing it myself but I always failed. So my advice is to get as much help as you can get, and don't do it alone.