Making the path

[TheGuy]

I realise for me to be drifting to PMO I have lost sight and feeling of how bad PMO is.  How bad is PMO?
Actually, its really bad.  SERIOUSLY, PORN IS REALLY BAD.  Realise this: PORN IS REALLY BAD. It gives you a limp dick, bad sex life, no confidence, steals your valuable time and makes you feel like shit.  There is a simple acknowledgement to be made here.  Porn is an addiction and I'm an addict.  The reason why my mind is so ready to overlook the bad and pointless nature of porn is because I am an addict.  There it is.  I admit it.  I have a problem with porn.
Rocky time: Let me tell you something you already know, life isn't all sunshine and rainbows.  It will beat you to your knees and keep you there if you let it.  Not me, you, or nobody is ever going to hit as hard as life can.  But it ain't how hard you can hit, its how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward.  That's how winning is done.  Now if you know what your worth then go out and get it.  But you can't be saying I didn't get this because of that, him, her or nobody.  That's what cowards do and that ain't you.
My P addiction is my fault and it is a fault of mine.  Its important for my life that I move past this addiction. 
I can take this and I can beat this.  PMO is not an option any more for me.
Rocky revised for PMO: Let me tell you something you already know, PMO isn't all sunshine and rainbows.  You will beat your self to your knees and stay there if you keep going.  Not me, you, or nobody is ever going to hit as hard as PMO can.  But it ain't how many relapses you have, its how much learning you can do and distance you can put between relapses, and keep moving forward.  That's how winning is done.  Now if you know what your worth then go out and get it.  But you can't be saying I didn't get this because of PMO, him, her, or anything.  That's what cowards do and that ain't you.
***
I calculated how much time I spent on P over 3.5 months.  It was 8.12 days.  8.12 days jacking off? Come on! That's 1 week or 195 hours!!!  Over a decade that would work out to be 10 months of PMOing.  One day many years from now, when I'm on my death bed I don't want that to be my story, that would be really sad.  Life goes by fast man, don't waste another second on PMO.
PMO and hook up sites are not an option for me ever again.

 

[TheGuy]

I have relapsed.  However, I made it 24 days without PMO, hook up sites, M or O.
So it will have been about two months since last watching P.  I don't think in the last 5 years I've been 24 days with MO.  So I'm making really good progress.
Why did I relapse?  I got depressed, other people seemed to be unhappy and some how that made me feel bad, I allowed it to affect my self esteem.  I felt alone; like no one cares about me.  Such a silly way to think but occasionally I feel overwhelmed and that's how I feel.  I woke up one morning after a terrible sleep, with remnants of the flu and feeling bad about myself.  I said to myself, ok get up, exercise for 30 mins and go to university.  Then I laid my head on the pillow and convinced myself to stay in bed for a couple of hours thinking about hook up sites and then I went online.  36 hours later I MO once.  However, I wasted about 8 hours of my time over the last 2 days browsing hook up site profiles and making small chat.  Massive waste of time.  But if I get upset it will not change anything, I simply have to work out a way to move forward from this.  Being honest with myself is a good start.

 

[mouchas]

Hi my friend. I am sharing the whole thing with my father. Last night we had an argument, he says " I cannot believe how you cannot have command on your soul and body, are you so weak" I told him I am like a drug addict and he replied imagine your self in prison.
We all know the cause and the cure, I am failing at the application, I am staying away from porn, staying away from internet and computers but the fantasies and images related with my fetish don't go away. Right now I am relapsing again and again because of the fetish fantasies running in my mind. I hate myself so much for this.

You only have one issue ( just the porn ), you have your target ( quitting porn ), you have your weapon ( your will power and your soul ). Your game plan is clear.

If you are failing and cannot stop, Make your self tired man, for example do not have a tidy room, format your computer and tell your self that you are going to load it after. These small jobs will make you tired and keep you away from porn. Go into unnecessary job s like mending work in the house. Try to keep your hands dirty and busy. Before you fail and relapse for a few minutes you will have a small argument with your self thats the right time to say " cancel " many times from inside.

I am telling you you are lucky. I have to deal with what porn has left to me, another addiction. I have porn boosted underwear fetish, I left porn but fetish is killing. I cannot escape from my own imagination, I am so poor so weak sometimes. Every scene that I have watched comes to my mind and I have to live them with materials. It disturbs sexual my identity so much. No real relationship so far.

I am so jelaus about other guys, they always have a social network, they have libido, thay have admiration. What do I have ?.....a piece of underwear that ......I dream and I need to get.

 

[TheGuy]

Mouchas, thanks for taking the time to post a reply my friend.
You have a slightly different problem than me.  I have read a few posts similar to yours so you are not alone at all.  Other people have these problems too.  Those images will reduce, but it will take time.  If you can reduce the volume of P you watch now, that's a great start.  If you are really worried about this, it might help to talk it over with someone in person like a counsellor.  I have seen them in my life time and the right one can be helpful.
I know from your last few posts you are making awesome progress.  Take it step by step and don't belittle yourself if you take a step backward; just try to take two steps forward.  That's progress; that's how winning is done.  You have a fetish, lots of people have them.  Many people incorporate them into a healthy sex life with their partner.  But before you feel confident with that you might need to keep rebooting for a while; but you are the best judge of that.
Sorry about the argument with your dad.  He doesn't understand.  He grew up in a different time with different problems and he really put you down without understanding the organic or chemical nature.
Keep moving forward and treat your self well as you deserve to be treated.

 

[TheGuy]

Day 1 - No PMO, hook up sites, M or O.
Have been intensively upset about old family wounds last few days.  Even before relapse.  Struggling to let the past be the past.  So strange how anger leads to self destructive behaviour.  Feeling depressed.  Well, viewing hook up sites, M and O hasn't helped me at all.  Now I have my original anger and my new self directed anger and disappointment about M and Oing well I had made great progress.
At least when I didn't understand the effects of PMO I could self-medicate without knowing the badness of it.  Now I can't because I'm no longer ignorant about that; which is good because I can keep moving forward.