This Addiction Is Keeping Me From Enjoying Life

[shostamin93]

Hey man. I think we all know how important it is to have a strong WHY and to always remember that WHY. It's also helps to always keep in mind what pmo can do to our lives and obviously we don't want that. May I suggest reading? That's something that's really helped whenever I get urges and sexually frustrated. Whenever I have the urge, I immediately open in my phone a copy of Gary Wilson's book and instantly, I am reminded of my WHY and that stops the urges.

I also relate with the YouTube thingy. It's so hard being a gay person when all these sexy males are out there flexing. I haven't had this figure out but what I'm doing so far is blocking videos like such and marking them 'Not Interested'.

hey man thanks for your kind words. I'm gonna have to agree with you on the reading. I've been reading "cant hurt me" by David Goggins and it's all about learning how to control your mind and negative impulses. It's eye opening and exactly what I needed to read because this journey is all in the mind.

Ive been feeling much better. I've been focusing on fitness and nutrition while I read, I'm only a few pages away from finishing but I'm gonna read it all over again. I had a successful attempt at sex and a failed one last week. I don't feel too bad about it, thankfully the partner I was with is very kind and really understands what I'm going through. The last few post I was at a really low point and I'll probably be there again in the future but ill pull through. It's part of the process and I won't let it take me by surprise.

 

[shostamin93]

IM BACK!

it's been a while, need less to say I've had a few relapses. It's kinda sad that I feel like I'm back at zero even though I'm about to reach a 30 day no PMO streak. Something feels different this time. I've learned what my triggers are, and even though I come close to screwing up sometimes, Ive learned to distract myself. In the last month I've been doing alot of cardio and eating clean. I've lost 17 lbs! For a long time I was intimidated about pairing my weightloss goals with my reboot because I though it would be too much to handle, but IT ACTUALLY HELPS! There's days where I feel super anxious and jittery, or depressed and hopeless, whenever I feel this way I just go to the park and have a walk. It's so helpful! And as you can tell, loosing 17 lbs in a month its obvious I've had many days where I feel like shit, but the cardio helps. There's days that I feel absolutely fucking great! then the next day ill feel hopeless, I drive to work in silence, but I understand it's part of the process. I hate that I'm in this place but I know deep within myself that I will pull myself out of this hole. I just pray to god the journey won't be too long, I'm scared, but I'm gonna keep trying.

 

[shostamin93]

Its been a year since i been on here! and it has been a TOUGH one! So many relapses, ive gained so much weight and my mental health has never been worse, but hey, i get right the fuck up EVERYTIME!

So this is where im at, still have PIED, but something feels different now. I realized recently that this problem goes beyond a flaccid dick, it has completely suppressed the man i am suppose to be. That man is a caring loving individual that always wants to learn, laugh with loved ones, enjoy all the little things in life, but most importantly, it hasnt allowed me to become the therapist that i know i am meant to be. I dropped out of college in my mid 20s (im 29 now) and completely lost sight of my purpose. I guess in a way i always kind of knew that, but now i mourn my youth. In this mourning i realize that i really want this next chapter in my life to be what it was always suppose to be.

Right now im on day 8 of hardmode. I feel good. This has been a 2.5 year journey so far with so many failures but also some incredible progress. At the moment i feel like im at square one again, but as type that i realize that its not the case because now i have all this knowledge and experience to start moving forward again. Ive been exercising again, i just got readmitted to school where im going to finish that Bachelors i started all those years ago, i have a more clear vision of the path that i was suppose to be on all this time. Ive also been reading " your brain on porn" idk why im just reading it now! if you havent, READ THE BOOK!

Today is a good day, not sure how tomorrow will feel like, but i will continue to use the tools ive developed to continue this, IT HAS TO WORK