Danwithaplan
New Member
I was first exposed to porn when I was 9. From the moment I saw my first image I was hooked. There was never really a time in my life that I was "okay" with watching porn. I felt it was wrong from the start and tried my best to resist the urge to indulge. As the years went on, I quickly realized that porn was not good for me. Starting around age 14 I really began trying to quit with everything I had. It became very clear to me that I had a problem when I was unable to stop despite my best efforts. As the years went by, the depression grew stronger, the emotions got dimmer, and the addiction got deeper. When I was 21 I was on the brink of suicidal thoughts. After a major depressive episode that scared me, I went to see a wholistic medicine psychiatrist. I had my brain scanned and everything. It was crazy to have him point out the addiction right there in the pictures. He put me on a medicine/supplement routine and that helped a lot with the depression. Still, the porn problem never went away. I was able to go 82 days one time, but other than that there has been little success in the last few years. Things did get much better when I met the woman who is now my wife. I went the 82 days right when we started dating. Even after I relapsed, I ended up telling her about my problem and she has been a huge help. She convinced me to start seeing a therapist and that helped for awhile. I really thought things were getting better around the time we got married, but I could never go a substantial amount of time without a relapse. Now we've been married for 9 months and we just found out we're having a baby. I had been doing pretty good before that, but then I relapsed and was too afraid to tell my wife because of the baby. I tried to fix things on my own and it just led to more using. I went about three weeks of having multiple relapses. I finally broke down and told her. She is absolutely devestated. I have hurt her so many times already with this and I don't know how much more she can take. I have to beat this for real this time. I need a fresh start.