DAY 22 - COMPLETED
A bit of a weird day for me, really. Came to a few realisations, as outlined below.
Actually made the conscious decision that I need to leave my job, and find something better for the sake of my sanity. I've been discussing this with a fellow colleague. We feel completely micromanaged, and unable to do anything with freedom. Even down to the words we say to people. My colleague has already broken down at work, and after a talk with the manager, felt glad it was out of her system, but nothing's changed. I thought that with Nofap, my feelings toward the job may have improved, that perhaps the constant negative feelings toward my job may have been as a result of masturbating all of the time. However, I've come to recognise that my negative feelings towards that job have been amplified. I even said to my colleague that if I was sacked tomorrow, I wouldn't care. A lot of people have been laid off across the country due to Covid-19, and I could put it down to that. I have significant savings, and want to reinvent myself. I do feel that I deserve so much better. The company has treated us like rubbish throughout lockdown. I've been classed as a key worker, and had no PPE for weeks, and manager/regional manager constantly on our backs every shift about not hitting targets, not saying things right, not offering millions of products to customers, forcing us to ask customers what they want before entering the store. Now non-essential services are open, we were led to believe that was over, but nope, we still have to do it. This isn't because of customer safety. This is because of a KPI that measures how many people come into the store and the number of transactions made. So the less shopping browsers, and the more actualy buyers, the more impressive it appears, as it looks as though we've persuaded most people to buy things, but the reality is we've turned them away before they can enter.
Also made a decision on the nootropics. I'm going to finish my current batch, which should finish on Day 60, and the rest on Day 90, and that's it. I won't purchase another batch and try to ween off them. Since different products will finish at different points between Days 60-90, I feel that'd be a sort of weening off period anyway.
My overall feeling today is I deserve a better life. I feel angry at the rubbish around me. I want to get rid of it, sweep it away, and become a new man.
Better times will come, you just have to teach your brains and body that there's more good things in life than PMO.