something i've come to realise is that when i do quit porn... i don't stop myself from getting those sexual induced dopamine shots. I find myself constantly glancing at girls in public... especially in the summer of course, in a creepy way. That has often resulted to me later masturbating then doing it to porn/digital material. I feel like i haven't just got a porn addiction its almost a hypersexual addiction. This isn't just about not looking at porn, its not oversexualising my behaviour. God this sucks, 5 years ive been at it. im guessing to most they dont have this issue. But in hindsight its something ive struggled with, i dont want to be a creep.
porn/sexual addiction - checking out women
- Thread starter Stevew
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doneatlast
Well-Known Member
I'd say most DO have that issue, actually. It doesn't get talked about enough because many people quitting porn want to make it seem simpler or don't want to think too much about sexuality or how they might change, but it is most definitely out there.
When we develop and addiction to porn and take away the porn, the porn brain keeps looking for ways to get its fix. For example, lots of guys end up spending hours looking at social media or some PG thing related to a fetish or whatever because their brain is so desperate for it. It definitely helps to pay attention and be ready for the weird ways that your brain is going to try to get something resembling porn.
One common thing among porn addicts is to see an attractive woman in public, say to himself "that woman has a really hot [blank]", and then go home and find porn with women with a really hot [blank]. So, seeing an attractive woman in public becomes the first domino falling in a porn activity, and the porn addict gets to go home and masturbate to whatever they saw. In other words, a trigger. Take the porn away from the scenario but leave in the attractive women and naturally those women are going to going to stir some very strange reactions in the recovering porn addict. Eventually once the brain is starved of the ability to go home and masturbate to what he's seeing in the mini skirt at Starbucks, the association goes away. Yeah, the women will still be beautiful, but different women will have different levels of beauty to you, and your sense of their beauty will be more holistic. What I mean by that is that a beautiful woman will simply be beautiful... not a combination of a really nice [blank] and set of [blank], like some set of porn like attributes put together like a Mr. Potato Head. Body parts isolated from the whole person are less interesting than the whole person to someone who is recovered to porn, even if the individual body parts themselves aren't interesting enough to stimulate the porn addicted version of the same person. In my experience, seeing a beautiful woman during my porn days made me anxious and bothered, maybe even obsessive, but now it is a pleasant experience. It isn't because I'm trying to get her number now or anything, it is just a nice thing to see a beautiful person, like seeing a beautiful anything when I'm out and about. I acknowledge the beauty, am thankful for being able to see it, and go about my day.
It is a little bit off topic, but check this out. I've posted this countless times, but it so often bears repeating. I found it incredibly helpful in trying to make sense of that aspect of recovery. Sexual tastes change when we quit porn, that much is inevitable. It helps to have some sort of road map.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PvQrFBOyDs0
When we develop and addiction to porn and take away the porn, the porn brain keeps looking for ways to get its fix. For example, lots of guys end up spending hours looking at social media or some PG thing related to a fetish or whatever because their brain is so desperate for it. It definitely helps to pay attention and be ready for the weird ways that your brain is going to try to get something resembling porn.
One common thing among porn addicts is to see an attractive woman in public, say to himself "that woman has a really hot [blank]", and then go home and find porn with women with a really hot [blank]. So, seeing an attractive woman in public becomes the first domino falling in a porn activity, and the porn addict gets to go home and masturbate to whatever they saw. In other words, a trigger. Take the porn away from the scenario but leave in the attractive women and naturally those women are going to going to stir some very strange reactions in the recovering porn addict. Eventually once the brain is starved of the ability to go home and masturbate to what he's seeing in the mini skirt at Starbucks, the association goes away. Yeah, the women will still be beautiful, but different women will have different levels of beauty to you, and your sense of their beauty will be more holistic. What I mean by that is that a beautiful woman will simply be beautiful... not a combination of a really nice [blank] and set of [blank], like some set of porn like attributes put together like a Mr. Potato Head. Body parts isolated from the whole person are less interesting than the whole person to someone who is recovered to porn, even if the individual body parts themselves aren't interesting enough to stimulate the porn addicted version of the same person. In my experience, seeing a beautiful woman during my porn days made me anxious and bothered, maybe even obsessive, but now it is a pleasant experience. It isn't because I'm trying to get her number now or anything, it is just a nice thing to see a beautiful person, like seeing a beautiful anything when I'm out and about. I acknowledge the beauty, am thankful for being able to see it, and go about my day.
It is a little bit off topic, but check this out. I've posted this countless times, but it so often bears repeating. I found it incredibly helpful in trying to make sense of that aspect of recovery. Sexual tastes change when we quit porn, that much is inevitable. It helps to have some sort of road map.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PvQrFBOyDs0
Thanks a lot! I definetely 100% relate to this... "So, seeing an attractive woman in public becomes the first domino falling in a porn activity, and the porn addict gets to go home and masturbate to whatever they saw."... seeing girls in real life even in a certain siutation say on a beach... guess what im booting up when i go home. We almost need to not let our eyes wander/concentrate of such things when in public as we do online. It feels great having some acitvity down there when seeing girls irl (when you've gone through a bad case of porn induced ED)... but often that constant looking for sexual body parts etc leads to the slipper slope.
Watched that video. It was interesting. I suppose the point is that we are wired from media (especially porn) to chase hotness... the curvy body... the revealing outfit etc. But in reality what will suit us better is not focusing on that? Is that what you got from it or am i missing something @DonAtLast
doneatlast
Well-Known Member
Yeah, you can get of it what you want to get from it. "hotness" is what sells advertising and entertainment, not beauty. Hotness is what you find in porn. Being a porn addict will ramp up our sensibilities for hotness way off the charts, while beauty never gets any attention. It reminded me a little bit of how my tastes changed as I quit porn. The women I find most beautiful probably wouldn't have interested me too much when I was hooked on porn.
yodaranch
Member
Very interesting discussion.
Im glad I found this thread, because thats a question im carrying around myself these days:
Is it normal to crave and actually feel dissatisfied when seeing a pretty girl on the street?
Is it just me, how in total awe, desire and dissatisaction when seeing a nice [blank]
I kinda sensed that Im probably overly sensitive to well, "bodyparts".
Its quite confusing to find orientation and motivation when you dont know whats a "healthy/normal" craving and whats just the messed up porn trained brain. So whats normal desire and whats obsession, so to speak?
That was an interesting read.
Im glad I found this thread, because thats a question im carrying around myself these days:
Is it normal to crave and actually feel dissatisfied when seeing a pretty girl on the street?
Is it just me, how in total awe, desire and dissatisaction when seeing a nice [blank]
I kinda sensed that Im probably overly sensitive to well, "bodyparts".
Its quite confusing to find orientation and motivation when you dont know whats a "healthy/normal" craving and whats just the messed up porn trained brain. So whats normal desire and whats obsession, so to speak?
That was an interesting read.
Fappy
Respected Member
This ^^^
Oh, and welcome!
I used to do things similar in my days deep down in the porn addiction sewer. I would creepliy glance at girls, doing this weird fucked up glaring out the corner of my eye at them, like right next to them. Theyd notice me and leave my presence, or if they were shop staff theyd just be polite but creeped out all the same.
imsorrynotsorry
Active Member
This is just what i'm struggling with right now and i'm follow the advice of others to cut this down more, because it's not helping.
Sometimes it's like staring at bodyparts intensively, and sometimes i look women in the eyes and all is ok. Its the first one that's giving me the concerns. Must stop that more.
We as addicts maybe not have a normal behaviour in this ans maybe we'll never will have. Therefore it would be better to cut it down entirely and find new approaches afterwards? Question remains, cut it down for how long?
Sometimes it's like staring at bodyparts intensively, and sometimes i look women in the eyes and all is ok. Its the first one that's giving me the concerns. Must stop that more.
We as addicts maybe not have a normal behaviour in this ans maybe we'll never will have. Therefore it would be better to cut it down entirely and find new approaches afterwards? Question remains, cut it down for how long?
doneatlast
Well-Known Member
yodaranch said:
Yeah, you articulated your bit quite well, I think. I've found that the porn related reactions are the ones that make me feel bad or anxious. Seeing something beautiful should make us feel good. Yeah, we might get a bit of FOMO or struggle with not staring or something else, but if it makes us feel awful because it triggers porn responses, that is not natural, nor is it a good way to live.
Fappy
Respected Member
cut it down for how long?imsorrynotsorry said:
Forever, hopefully. Thats something that i found naturally fixed itself the more my reboot progressed. on the odd occaision where i did find myself "fapifying" them (thats when i turn them into an object with which to fap to, "fapify" you see), i quickly was overwhelmed with a feeling f disgust at myself and those thoughts were eliminated.
imsorrynotsorry
Active Member
Just had the chance to watch the jurgen experiment video and it resonates so much.
The second reproduction strategy is what's making me stare at times. Nice to hear of those strategies and i now can separate between the two. Thanks a lot for that video.
I really want to avoid it now and want to find out what happens with me.
The second reproduction strategy is what's making me stare at times. Nice to hear of those strategies and i now can separate between the two. Thanks a lot for that video.
I really want to avoid it now and want to find out what happens with me.