Painful seeing old posts on this forum. Still haven't beaten this. I read the EasyPeasy guide, felt great, relapsed and havent gotten back to that undeaftable mentality. Saw a physcosexual councelor a few years ago, didn't really help me to be fair, spent the first 4-5 sessions convincing her that porn addiction was a thing and could cause ED. Don't know where to go. I don't want to kill myself but i do feel trapped in a sort of pergutory, getting older (almost 24) and still haven't been able to have a relationship because of the ED side effect.
5 years later i still haven't managed to quit
- Thread starter Stevew
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doneatlast
Well-Known Member
It was a solid six or seven years before first seeing the Gary Wilson video and realizing that porn addiction was a very real thing, wanting to quit, and actually quitting. Before that it was always something I wanted to change anyway. I've been clean almost three years now. It taking a long time doesn't mean that it won't happen.
Getting back up each time after relapses was really important for me. Binging and giving myself a break after a relapse, in retrospect, was like vigorously shaking the etch-a-sketch of my progress. Once I started keeping those relapses as short as possible, all my little efforts here and there eventually snow balled and I had a lot more strength. That isn't to say that is the problem you're having, but it was one of the problems that I was having that comes to mind reading your post.
Getting back up each time after relapses was really important for me. Binging and giving myself a break after a relapse, in retrospect, was like vigorously shaking the etch-a-sketch of my progress. Once I started keeping those relapses as short as possible, all my little efforts here and there eventually snow balled and I had a lot more strength. That isn't to say that is the problem you're having, but it was one of the problems that I was having that comes to mind reading your post.
I've actively known about it for 5 years now. Think i posted on here in 2015. To be fair i have always upon relapsing, even if it wasn't to full on porn... had a binge for 1-4 weeks or something. Its that feeling shit again and knowing you've removed your progress. The easypeasy book did help in regards to actually making me feel better when on a streak. I didn't get terrible pangs whn i went a week free just recently. But i slipped up and got tampted into off an image i unintentioaly came across. I'm guessing triggers reduce in strength as you abstain further. i was only a week or so in.
what really agravates me is knowing ive got severe PIED and even if i do stop porn use it wont be a good 6-8+ months before my dick most likely properly works. That is a long time to go with enduring the sexual frustration one gets. That said you do just feel better most of the time, especially when you haven't recently peaked. The second you start peaking/entertaining it, the benefits dip for me.
thanks for the reply! im glad to hear you are free, very nice of you to stay around and help out.
what really agravates me is knowing ive got severe PIED and even if i do stop porn use it wont be a good 6-8+ months before my dick most likely properly works. That is a long time to go with enduring the sexual frustration one gets. That said you do just feel better most of the time, especially when you haven't recently peaked. The second you start peaking/entertaining it, the benefits dip for me.
thanks for the reply! im glad to hear you are free, very nice of you to stay around and help out.
hooked on monkey fonics
Member
Like DoneAtLas saidt, this can take a long time. I discovered Gary Wilson back in 2011 or 2012, and I've been at this 8,9 years with only marginal progress. In fact, for many years I did enough damage to not only undo my progress but make me worse off than when I started. For a lot of people this will be the most difficult thing they ever deal with in their entire life. It might take you 10 years of failure before you finally quit it for good.
I
Icandoit
Guest
It's easy to hype yourself up after discovering something only to fade away after some days. It's happened to me after I saw Gary Wilson's video and then reading the book. I was so pumped up about the reboot that I was 1000% sure I was going to do it on my first try. And it's been almost 7 years. That confidence disappeared after a few relapses and I understood I didn't really know how to do it. I had to reconsider everything. I realized that I didn't have a plan, I only wanted to spend days abstaining from porn. I didn't think porn addiction could be that difficult but I think it's one of the most difficult addictions to beat because of it's nature to attack our sexuality. It made me feel like I was obsessed about sex but I think it was craving for porn. It's not sex what I crave, it's edging to porn.
You can't beat this if you give up. If I had given up years ago, I wouldn't have been here trying again. Killing yourself because of porn addiction is definitely something everyone should avoid because, like this, the addiction wins. Do we want to be beaten by porn?
You can't beat this if you give up. If I had given up years ago, I wouldn't have been here trying again. Killing yourself because of porn addiction is definitely something everyone should avoid because, like this, the addiction wins. Do we want to be beaten by porn?
Yeah how this addiction ties in with your sexuality really makes it harder. It's hard to distinguish porn cravings from just sexual ones, either way they often result in urges to watch porn. I've discussed before how for me, girls wearing revealing clothing in the real world trigger my urges a bit. it's really bad. i need to almost avoid anything but a glance at women i'm not engaged/speaking with.
And thanks for the words of encouragement, i intend to quit this for good this year/onto next year. i can't bare the idea of spending my 20s without having a partner/sex life. I think i need to try and stop this habit i haven't honestly tried kicking hard enough of bingeing after a relapse. When you get into that binge mentality, you know the next time you relapse on a streak that there is a binge of porn to 'enjoy'. almost heightens my urges, desire for it. needs to be an ongoing battle of quiting.
And thanks for the words of encouragement, i intend to quit this for good this year/onto next year. i can't bare the idea of spending my 20s without having a partner/sex life. I think i need to try and stop this habit i haven't honestly tried kicking hard enough of bingeing after a relapse. When you get into that binge mentality, you know the next time you relapse on a streak that there is a binge of porn to 'enjoy'. almost heightens my urges, desire for it. needs to be an ongoing battle of quiting.
zaraki888
Active Member
Stevew said:
Hello Stevew,
There is something I learned during my rebooting failure in the past 4,5 years. Never listen to women is my advice! Why? Men use logic. Women use emotions...
Every female therapist I had, failed in helping me. I got a lot of female therapist. Looks like women are really taking over everything...For instance, I wanted to heal my porn addiction and wanted to talk about why I can't stop it but she didn't want to talk about because she thought I should focus becoming better. She also turned me on so that was a double bad scenario.
Only since 2019 in July I finally have a male therapist and since then things finally started to change. He gives great insights in my behavior. But then Corona came and I slipped back into old habits. I wish I never listened to females and allow them to make decisions for me.
alalex775
Member
Stevew,
This has been a 20-21 year addiction/habit for me. I finally realized how negatively it was impacting my life about 3.5 years ago and I've been in recovery since then. I've had many relapses since then, however, I am on a positive trajectory. My streaks are becoming longer in duration and my relapses/binges are becoming less and less. Stay on this path, stay strong and be persistent. You will defeat this. I will defeat this.
My encouragement to you is to continue on this path and do everything in your power to stay sober. Try anything that may help. Revisit old methods that did not work and tweak them. Keep going. You will defeat this. I will defeat this. We will defeat this.
Lastly, be good to yourself. Don't be hard on yourself. Take relapses/failures lightly but seriously. What I mean by that is, don't be so hard on yourself when you relapse, however, learn from it, so you don't make the same mistake again. Things happen. Stay on this path. You will conquer this. You will find your path to your sobriety and your dream life.
This has been a 20-21 year addiction/habit for me. I finally realized how negatively it was impacting my life about 3.5 years ago and I've been in recovery since then. I've had many relapses since then, however, I am on a positive trajectory. My streaks are becoming longer in duration and my relapses/binges are becoming less and less. Stay on this path, stay strong and be persistent. You will defeat this. I will defeat this.
My encouragement to you is to continue on this path and do everything in your power to stay sober. Try anything that may help. Revisit old methods that did not work and tweak them. Keep going. You will defeat this. I will defeat this. We will defeat this.
Lastly, be good to yourself. Don't be hard on yourself. Take relapses/failures lightly but seriously. What I mean by that is, don't be so hard on yourself when you relapse, however, learn from it, so you don't make the same mistake again. Things happen. Stay on this path. You will conquer this. You will find your path to your sobriety and your dream life.
WoundedSparrow
Active Member
Stevew said:
Buddy, I'm you, but worse. I'm 25 and been an addict for close to 7 years now, and I too feel like I'm at the end of my rope. In fact, I've recently made a post along the lines of this. So I'll try to offer some advice.
Firstly, you aren't alone in this. Everyone here has/had a seriously crippling porn problem. We've all suffered because of it, and you and I both continue to suffer. But we don't suffer alone, and there have been countless people worse off than us and addicted longer who have quit. We can too. I don't have ED that I'm aware of, but I've got a plethora of other issues, mostly mental in nature. I've had 2 mental breakdowns and came an inch away from a third. And I too have knocked around the idea of suicide. Like I said, I'm you, but worse.
I've been involved with several women in my life, all after I became an addict. Almost all of my relationships have suffered significantly due to porn. And I've put off God knows how many prospective partners because of my porn-addled mind. I've come to realize that a relationship is impossible. Until I'm sober, I'll continue to push women away. I've said and done hurtful things because of what porn has done to my mind. In my present state, I'm unworthy of a good woman and a good woman doesn't deserve to suffer from me as I am. Therefore, I've given up on finding a relationship until I'm sober. I'm the kind of person who always naturally tries to win over girls, but porn has corrupted me to the point that I'm more miserable trying to find a woman than not, and I always end up the same either way: Alone. So I've sucked it up and decided to focus on myself and my recovery and to not try to date anyone until I'm at least 90 days sober. The ladies deserve me sober and nothing less. I recommend you avoid women too until you better yourself.
Another thing: Exercise is your friend. Not an acquaintance or someone you see every other weekend, but a best friend that you spend as much time as possible with. For me, it's extremely hard to motivate myself to work out, especially with the lethargic mindset that porn creates. But if you ignore every instinct and excuse that tells you to just blow it off, you'll find your outlook completely different. Your mind will be clear and you'll feel energetic and optimistic. Life will seem colorful again. Your craving will be reduced and the ones you get will be much more manageable. For me, exercise is an imperative. For you, maybe less so, idk anything about you. But I know it'll help, no matter who you are.
doneatlast
Well-Known Member
Stevew said:
Yeah, that was me to a T! The catch is that a little slip up doesn't set you back nearly as much as you think it does.... if you don't binge. It can also be tempting to try a "taper" method where you give yourself one a week or something, but we all already know how tempting binges are and the infamous chaser effect.
Icandoit said:
I had forgotten something until now. After seeing Gary's video, I quit and, like you, was sure that it was for good. I went over 30 days, I forget how long. That remained my longest streak for years after that. The relapse was purely physical, too. I was having serious groin pain from abstaining abruptly (turns out the body gets used to ejaculating every day and over produces until it learns to do otherwise), and I had one of those racing heart super quick relapses, and never was able to recover and get much past a week for a long time after that; even the week long streaks were few and far between. I wouldn't find real progress until 2016, and didn't have a streak to rival that one until early 2017. Funny that I never remembered that until now.
@majestic. That is what i havent developed or tried working on... reducing my binges, actively trying to stop even through relapses. i think thats partly why i still havent quit, even if i go long periods of time i always binge and makeup for the things i have 'missed' watching. By bingeing i think im just making it harder to quit also because i lose motivation to quit for a good while after. I don't see the potential in taking that slip up and going again. Its just a, ah ive slipped, might as well go back to the start... it just makes it harder. There is something i think to be gained in fighting off those initial relapses after a streak in that you body aches for another PMO, if like me you reach that point of bingeing where you no longer fancy pmoing physically... just out of bordem... youve already lost the resistance building for fighting the addiction. You are literally back to square 0 in not only symptoms (ED for sure) but also ones ability to fight it off for your next potential streak.
Thanks for the other comments too. Excercise for me always has helped, definetely not something to rely on. I recall first reading how much excercise can help then ended up relapsing and mentally just shut down from the idea of excercise being of any help because of that, creates fear of not being able to ever quit, which increases anxiety/withdraw smyptoms as easypeasy book points out. which i do quite like, allbeit i haven't managed to quit yet using its proposed silver bullet method.
Thanks for the other comments too. Excercise for me always has helped, definetely not something to rely on. I recall first reading how much excercise can help then ended up relapsing and mentally just shut down from the idea of excercise being of any help because of that, creates fear of not being able to ever quit, which increases anxiety/withdraw smyptoms as easypeasy book points out. which i do quite like, allbeit i haven't managed to quit yet using its proposed silver bullet method.
I
Icandoit
Guest
Stevew said:
I like to look at this in terms of damage. Doing less damage to your brain is better. Binging is how you get your brain punch drunk. It's always better to stop as early as possible. If you entered the "autopilot" and started edging to porn and then you manage to "wake up", I know it's very difficult but it's better to stop now than to go on and do more damage. With this addiction there comes this mentality: "I relapsed already, what does it matter anymore? But I will start tomorrow and really do it!" And then you binge all day. It matters because the brain suffers from hours of edging and/or hours of PMO binges, it's just harder to see it because the brain doesn't really hurt like another organ. It's like, if you cut your finger, will you cut it 5 more times? The answer is: "No, cause it hurts even more and I do even more damage." Exactly. But can we say this about the brain during porn binges? It's a good idea to keep this in mind. As porn addicts, we are never in a chemical balance.
zaraki888
Active Member
Hello Stevew,
How are you doing? Me and my accountable partner are using a way called the black mailing method.
Basically it means we are paying each other money as a consequence of PMO. I do not see this as a punishment but as a warning not to do something or else it has a consequence. Like not brushing teeth will have tooth decay as a consequence, but it doesn't feel like a punishment.
You see with porn, we get pleasure and think it makes us happy for the moment. The brain doesn't know the long term damage it causes at that very moment it seems like. The rational part, the pre-frontal cortex has damaged and we make dumb decision in that very moment. But with the black mailing method, after every relapse we both have to pay immediately to each other. The brain will remember the short term consequence.
I wanted to figure out how to beat the chaser effect. It takes me approximately 4 to 6 weeks to get my momentum back. So I figure out I have to find a way.
What if there is a man pointing a gun to your head every day? I know this sound crazy but if this men tells you to not PMO for 30 days or else he is going to shoot you, would you still do it? Probably not. This proves that anyone of us is able to get rid of this addiction but we need some extra help I believe. So I thought to myself let's try out the black mailing method.
Currently both of us have reached good results. My accountable partner said it is a miracle he achieved many days. We both are still not healed yet but I feel like the chaser effect loses it's power more and we both are getting more days clean.
Together with the ''no arousel methode'' from bigbookofpenis and me working on the things I want in life, and knowing that ''your time is limited'' as a quote from Steve Jobs, telling that our time on this planet is short. Time is our most valuable assets. It isn't money. Once passed, that moment in time will never come back again. Knowing all of this together with the fact I learned that I use porn to get rid of stress (impaired decision making), which I now do my best to prevent having stress, I am able to beat the chaser effect for the moment I am writing this.
Another mistake I made is leaving this channel. I figured out I need help and knowing I am not alone, helped me a lot.
I just wanted to tell you this.
Take care
How are you doing? Me and my accountable partner are using a way called the black mailing method.
Basically it means we are paying each other money as a consequence of PMO. I do not see this as a punishment but as a warning not to do something or else it has a consequence. Like not brushing teeth will have tooth decay as a consequence, but it doesn't feel like a punishment.
You see with porn, we get pleasure and think it makes us happy for the moment. The brain doesn't know the long term damage it causes at that very moment it seems like. The rational part, the pre-frontal cortex has damaged and we make dumb decision in that very moment. But with the black mailing method, after every relapse we both have to pay immediately to each other. The brain will remember the short term consequence.
I wanted to figure out how to beat the chaser effect. It takes me approximately 4 to 6 weeks to get my momentum back. So I figure out I have to find a way.
What if there is a man pointing a gun to your head every day? I know this sound crazy but if this men tells you to not PMO for 30 days or else he is going to shoot you, would you still do it? Probably not. This proves that anyone of us is able to get rid of this addiction but we need some extra help I believe. So I thought to myself let's try out the black mailing method.
Currently both of us have reached good results. My accountable partner said it is a miracle he achieved many days. We both are still not healed yet but I feel like the chaser effect loses it's power more and we both are getting more days clean.
Together with the ''no arousel methode'' from bigbookofpenis and me working on the things I want in life, and knowing that ''your time is limited'' as a quote from Steve Jobs, telling that our time on this planet is short. Time is our most valuable assets. It isn't money. Once passed, that moment in time will never come back again. Knowing all of this together with the fact I learned that I use porn to get rid of stress (impaired decision making), which I now do my best to prevent having stress, I am able to beat the chaser effect for the moment I am writing this.
Another mistake I made is leaving this channel. I figured out I need help and knowing I am not alone, helped me a lot.
I just wanted to tell you this.
Take care
Stevew said:
Im 25 and fortunately I dont have pied. I too read easypeasy and relapsed today after 12 days hard mode. Imo easypeasy is good, is the way to go, it explains very well the trick of this addiction. I know it beacuse I used Allen Carr's method to stop smoking and it worked, even if I failed at first i keept trying and I re-read the book and finally I succeed. It will work also for porn. I'm not giving up. Reducing the amount of porn is still a victory, relapse is losing one battle but not the war, every time we come back stronger and eventually we will succeed.