From AA to a reboot

[Revenant]

Hello there,

A wise man once told me that the moment you try to control something is when you need to admit that you have lost control. This applies to me and this situation. I am a recovering alcoholic as well so I believe I have the compulsive mindset, in general. So here I am to bite the bullet, steel my nerves, and take the proper action to get through this.

This is my journal and firsthand account of my journey.

And this is day 1.

Any tips, tricks, actions, or advice are greatly appreciated. I am not happy to be doing this... Really, this whole thing damages my calm. But here I am.

 

[Siviaggiare]

Hello Raman!

The wise man was totally right. When you lost control it's the right time for TAKING control !

Human mindset can actually change A LOT during time, so if you stay strong your compulsive mindset will slowly go awaY, don't ever believe that you are just made a way or another! PEOPLE CHANGES ALL THE TIME !

Think about the things you REALLY like, you enjoy 100% and not addictions and dedicate your energies to that! You have to try and be positive about doing this, otherwise it will be easier to fall down. You choose what you do with your life!

A thing that is really helping me it keeping a list of other things to do. Whenever I feel urges or I am home alone I immediatly check that and decide a thing to do, it can literally include everything. (E.G. take a random bike ride, go and buy a soda or whatever, play videogame, read a book, study and you can make the list go on forever)

I am sure you can make it, STAY STRONG! I will check your journal periodically and check how are you doing. Try and always be positive as much as you can, things will eventually work out!

PEACE

 

[Revenant]

I appreciate that, man. This, quite frankly, sucks enough as is. Good to hear some encouragment from someone with some damn success.

 

[Revenant]

Day 2. Still feeling strong. Maybe just being accountable to all of you is enough for now. Whatever it takes, right?

 

[miomio]

Hi RAman!

You have my support. I'm glad to see there's someone I can relate to.

What made you realize that you need to stop consuming alcohol completely?

Currently, I'm completely re-thinking my drinking habits, but I'm far from done with it.

 

[Revenant]

I read the big book. It was like an autobiography. I was what is called a "functional" alcoholic. I never lost a job because of drinking. I quit a bunch of jobs SO I could drink. If I wasn't drinking, I was thinking about it. If there were activities that didn't involve drinking, I wasn't interested.

Restless, irritable, and discontent, they call it. Well that was me. Never comfortable, never fitting in. Nothing EVER felt okay unless I was hammered. And when I started, I never knew when I would stop or what I might do.

Much like THIS addiction, when it sets in deep enough, there were other effects. I isolated, lost friends, became obsessed with only myself and my situation, my ego was huge but my inferiority complex was worse, and every time I gave in I would experience temporary relief and then pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. And everything was always NOT MY fault. It was always something else.

So when I started to feel some of the same effects but without the booze, I knew something was up. Porn can mess you up in other ways but any addiction warps your perception and relationships. And it always, ALWAYS, gets worse. It NEVER gets better on its own.

Once I got off of the booze, though, the change was swift and even startling. I can hold a job, my family and I are close again, I have my friends back, I maintain perfect grades, and I can talk to people without sweating. The world doesn't scare me anymore and people even want to talk and hang out with me. People still tell me how surprised they are. This was a gift freely given to me by the people in the rooms of AA. I did not earn this. I did some work, sure. But it was a gift, dude. Nothing short of a miracle.

 

[PositiveMentalState]

You're absolutely right about porn warping our perception and relationships. Well said. It creates this set of false fantasy expectations that no woman can ever live up or compare to. It's easy to forget that the women in porn are actresses playing a role and being paid a lot of money to do things that most everyday women we encounter should never be expected to do. It desensitizes us after awhile. In my case, I pretty much stopped respecting women and began to view them solely as sex objects who were there to fulfill my sexual desires. Super negative stuff... On a lighter note, glad you decided to join the Reboot Nation. Look forward to reading more about your experience and providing some moral support when I can. Thanks for sharing brother. Take care

 

[miomio]

Thanks for sharing your experience!

 

[Mikel]

Hello Raman,

Fellow recovering alcoholic and AA member here. Nice to know there's fellow members in this forum!

If you ever wanna talk, I'd be happy too. 

 

[Ap26]

hey mate - another AA member here! Struggling with this addiction in the same way but its not really like I can share honestly about it at a meeting. Have been considering going to a fellowship where I can as well as AA. Not sure but you are right being accountable on here is a really good call.

I hat being able to see the addiction coming out sideways like this - and guaranteed porn is not keeping me in fit spiritual condition and thus is taking away from my recovery.

Anyway mate Im starting again today. Good luck and if a higher power can relive alcoholism then it can relive this as. I just struggle with the willingness to bring a higher power into this area!

 

[Mikel]

Ap26. Are there any SA meetings in your area? Like you, I wouldn't and don't feel comfortable talking about my pornography use in an AA meeting.

Totally agree with the addiction coming out sideways. I realised I had a problem with porn a few years ago (about one year in my recovery from alcohol) and I'm still struggling now. It's taken me many years to get to the point where I HAVE to do something about it now as my life depends on it. I'm actually coming to the mindset that abstaining from porn is harder than abstaining from alcohol in the early days of recovery.

Well, as before SA meetings may help you if they're nearby. However, I do find this forum superb