Creatures of Habit - AidenSteel's Journal

[[email protected]]

September 06, 2020

-----------------------------
My Mistakes
-----------------------------

?We are, all of us, creatures of habit,

and when the seeming necessity for schooling ourselves in new ways ceases to exist,

we fall naturally and easily into the manner and customs

which long usage has implanted ineradicably within us.?


- said myself, (but probably some wise guy Edgar Rice Burroughs said it before me)

This has been a sort of permanent situation I've been for the past few years. The cycle of trigger, thought and action has occupied the minds of most of us present on this very platform.

I'm AidenSteel and the first turning point in my life came when I realised that I was suffering from PIED. That was 6 months ago. But then, the C-19 happened and you know what all that staying at home does to an aimless guy.
Mistake 1- Having no goal.

The PMO cycle reached on a daily basis and then I found a target to focus upon which is when I hit a second turning point.
I realised that I didn't have enough focus and started on NoFap journey but failed miserably a lot of times.
Mistake 2- Having no accountability forum/partner.


The next thing I realised before coming on this forum was that I was depressed when I practised NoFap but this depression went off as soon as I had ejaculated. This thought took a grip on my mind that I now need to work this seriously.
Mistake 3- I thought of the depression as something unrelated but it was a withdrawal symptom of the addiction

Now, I'm on this platform and plan to post about my journey daily on this journal. I've also installed strong trigger prevention measures in my Laptop and Phone. (ColdTurkey, BlockerX, Brainbuddy)

I also now realise that this depressed state, and the unwillingness to work or study are withdrawal symptoms and I won't be bugged by it.
I've started listening to good music (Philip Glass, Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan), and started praying too because that helps (I've been a long time atheist, but sometimes it's just the focus of prayer that helps and it has nothing to with practicing religion).

I am aiming to get into a top B-school in the country and I know I can do it!

Love being part of this commuity.

Aiden

 

[[email protected]]

#Day2 : September 07, 2020

-------------------

The Rise of the Urges

-------------------

The day started off with high spirits as it usually does when we're starting off with Nofap everytime but I could feel the low mood and indulged in a lot of good music to keep myself not falling into the depression trap which usually leads to PMO cycle.

One dragon avoided successfully.

As the night fell, I could see the big urge dragons flying towards me from far off. A few even hit me and ended up opening one of the restricted sites but somehow another app lock intervened after a few minutes which gave a window to jump out of the dragon's trap.

I started listening to some music to calm myself down and it seemed that it was working. A few minutes past, those images started coming to me again and I removed that blocker and went on to the same site. I knew I was going down the wrong road.

I even started off some videos but I don't know, something was different this time. I seemed to be indifferent about any of them and I closed all the tabs and uninstalled the freakin browser.

Now I was back on my bed, relieved on how this crisis was averted. I don't know what happened. But whatever it was, it saved me. Somewhere, the post I did yesterday came back to me.
The whole day, I was observing various symptoms in myself and really found the reflection on this forum beneficial. Singing prayers and songs when I had urges helped too.

This morning, after I don't even remember how long, I had morning wood. It felt great.

Does it really come back this soon or it was something else? I don't know but I just loved the experience and won't give up now anytime soon.

Will be back tomorrow.

Reboot is great.

Aiden 

I've also started reading and will be sharing one great piece I read daily.

Here's the one from today:

https://www.collaborativefund.com/blog/lazy-work-good-work/ 

 

[Fappy]

Hello AidenSteel. Thats a nice name, sounds like a super hero or a special agent. Mr Steel...
I suppose though you are a super hero fighting against the evils of porn addiction. BUt instead of super human strength and sick lasers that can shoot from your eyes, you just avoid fapping youself to porn! same diff.
anyway, keep up the entertaining journals.
you are 100% right, Mr Steel (im gonna call u that from now), the reboot is great!

 

[[email protected]]

Hello AidenSteel. Thats a nice name, sounds like a super hero or a special agent. Mr Steel...
I suppose though you are a super hero fighting against the evils of porn addiction. BUt instead of super human strength and sick lasers that can shoot from your eyes, you just avoid fapping youself to porn! same diff.
anyway, keep up the entertaining journals.
you are 100% right, Mr Steel (im gonna call u that from now), the reboot is great!

Thank you for your kind words bro.

Will surely keep posting. Thanks

 

[[email protected]]

#Day3 : September 08, 2020

-----------------------------------

Normalising

-----------------------------------

The day felt great today. There was a sense of wakefulness in me that I had long missed. A kind of brain-fog seem to linger when we are under the Porn-Induced Dopamine high.

Though the urges were a lot less than they had been yesterday, there was still that muscle memory of going back to those websites.

But some divine power intervined again and I just closed all the tabs and went on to listening some calm music and finally sleeping.

I also observed that if I am awake very late in the night there's a high chance that I'll have urges. A mixture of tiredness and knowing that everyone is asleep act as a catalyst it seems.

I used to have a lock in my room which really was a great inducer to me going on and browsing the forbidden sites. I got fed up one day; got a screw driver and removed the freakin lock and threw it away. Now, even if I want, I can't lock my room (which kinda instills a fear that someone will walk into the room if I'm watching porn). It's a great help. Give it a try!

Now, as suggested by many rebooters in their journals, I'm going to try fix my sleep cycle by sleeping and waking up at the same time each day.

We are the masters of our fate and captains of our soul!

Will be back tomorrow.

Reboot is great.

Aiden Steel

Here's the link to today's read:

How to be Indistractable

https://psyche.co/guides/to-become-indistractable-recognise-that-it-starts-within-you

 

[Fappy]

Good work Mr Steel!
Its good that you have used some initiative and taken the lock off. You identified that as a potential trigger point and got rid of it before it can do damage. Thats what its all about.
Now, anyone can walk in on you while youre thrashing yourself to porn - that is horrifying! Thats something you can never get over, nor can the person who catches you!
Keep it up

 

[[email protected]]

#Day5 : September 10, 2020

------------------------------------

The Falling

------------------------------------

Could not post yesterday as I relapsed and lost all hopes and motivation to do anything.

But then something struck me.

It was the longest streak I had since ages and I thought, well, man never achieves greatness if he gets bogged down by a setback.

Although it's not a first setback, but might be a last.

Then the stories of great inventors and successful people started flooding my mind which gave me a sort of motivation to get back and make a bigger streak this time.


"A journey of thousand miles starts with a single step"


"You do not reach the top of Mt. Everest by looking at it and saying it's very far, you reach there by starting off, one step at a time"


So today, I say to myself, in a loud ass voice, "Day by day, in every way, I'm getting better and better. Keep going, one day at a time!"

I can do it.

Reboot is great.

Aiden Steel

Here's the link to today's read:

The 40% Rule

https://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/why-exceptionally-successful-people-embrace-40-percent-rule.html

 

[[email protected]]

#Day1 : September 22, 2020

-------------------------------------------

#Restart

-------------------------------------------

The last I wrote here was more than 10 days ago.

I relapsed.

And I relapsed bad, so much so that I didn't want to come back here again.

But then after I failed again and again, I realised that this place, this community was helping me become accountable to myself.

I was coming back here everyday and reflecting which was helping me a lot but when I stopped doing that, the reflecting, I was back to where I was before this journey. No one was there with whom I could share, but this place is great.

This is one of the few places online and offline which is so non-toxic and one can come here to express themselves and just get the heat out. Really, you don't need to fap when this heat is siphoned in this forum in form of words.

There's a kind of inexplicable peace that comes to mind when the thoughts in the mind get out on screen. I don't know if anyone else has felt that, but it is good to be here. It is good to start again.

Will be back again tomorrow.

Aiden Steel

 

[[email protected]]

#Day 2 : September 23, 2020

------------------------------------

#Breathe In

-------------------------------------

There's a feeling of some tension and urge building up in the body sometimes. What I'm doing to control it is to take a few deep breaths and drink some water which usually mellows the urges down. I am preparing for this exam for a B-school which should help me as a distraction.

Started reading "The Trail" by Kafka and it's turning out to be quite an interesting read.

My first intro to Kafka was via Metamorphosis. It was a really crazy book and what a concept it discussed! We sometimes turn into unwanted insects in our lives as I interpreted it but I think we have a lot of control of it too. We can turn our lives around.

This forum is a live example of people trying to literally pull out the damaged wires from their brains and rewire it with new and better habits.

May everyone here succeed!

Aiden Steel

 

[Fappy]

Hello Mr Steel,
Yes its important to do things that will remove our minds form the situations that cause the urges. Even if one cant  physcially leave, at least we can train our minds to leave that place.