joe_ireland
Member
Hello to anyone reading this.
I had a journal on this site four years ago, unfortunately I gave up posting after a number of months. Over the following years I have been off porn for a number of periods of three or four months, and then, just when I begin to imagine that I have broke the habit I would inevitably slip up. This is usually followed by periods of a number of weeks in which I engage in pornography on and off, and generally feel quite terrible about myself. My addiction is alot deeper than I had once thought: I realise that I can never afford to believe I have overcome it; it will be something that I must be on guard against all through my life.
I have come to the realisation over the past few days of two things: firstly, that I have not really taken responsibility for my addiction, instead I tend to view looking at porn as inevitable once I slip up. I have alot more power to stop than I think. I was not prepared to make the necessary sacrifice. I need to take responsibility for my choices, however difficult that will be.
Secondly, I have not really rejected porn culture in my heart: part of me felt that that I could simply control myself while still occasionally fantasizing about women in my thoughts. While I have accepted in theory that porn and the entire sexual objectification is harmful, I did not accept this fully in my heart. Part of me wanted to give up porn but not give up lust (as opposed to sexual attraction in its proper place).
I realise also that accountability is something that I really need. I intend to post here everyday and also to read and post on others journals, and lend support in any way that I can. I appreciate reading so many good men striving to overcome this addiction. My God bless your efforts.
Thats not a whole lot for my first post, but I intend to post more over the coming weeks.
Good luck to you all.
I had a journal on this site four years ago, unfortunately I gave up posting after a number of months. Over the following years I have been off porn for a number of periods of three or four months, and then, just when I begin to imagine that I have broke the habit I would inevitably slip up. This is usually followed by periods of a number of weeks in which I engage in pornography on and off, and generally feel quite terrible about myself. My addiction is alot deeper than I had once thought: I realise that I can never afford to believe I have overcome it; it will be something that I must be on guard against all through my life.
I have come to the realisation over the past few days of two things: firstly, that I have not really taken responsibility for my addiction, instead I tend to view looking at porn as inevitable once I slip up. I have alot more power to stop than I think. I was not prepared to make the necessary sacrifice. I need to take responsibility for my choices, however difficult that will be.
Secondly, I have not really rejected porn culture in my heart: part of me felt that that I could simply control myself while still occasionally fantasizing about women in my thoughts. While I have accepted in theory that porn and the entire sexual objectification is harmful, I did not accept this fully in my heart. Part of me wanted to give up porn but not give up lust (as opposed to sexual attraction in its proper place).
I realise also that accountability is something that I really need. I intend to post here everyday and also to read and post on others journals, and lend support in any way that I can. I appreciate reading so many good men striving to overcome this addiction. My God bless your efforts.
Thats not a whole lot for my first post, but I intend to post more over the coming weeks.
Good luck to you all.