Reboot Journal - with a plan this time

[Ap26]

So this is not my first Journal however I have started it again as I think after listening to some of your advice and reading some other posts, that I need more of a plan.

I have listed the pros and cons and tried to get my reasons straight fro why I want to stop. I have also got a friend who I will check in with to say whether or not I have relapsed.

Why: For - Does feel good at the time, is hard to not obsess about it, flatline without it

        Against - Feels shit afterwards, PIED, Wastes time that could be spent actually relaxing, reduces appreciation of reality, often ends up costing money, could get caught, concentration is poor, makes sex less enjoyable, damages relationship with girlfriend, risks sobriety (from other substances), reduces drive in gym, bad skin, feel deflated and shit about myself.

Typing this out it seems so obvious - but in my experience addiction does not involve logic - dealing with inbuilt mechanisms in the brain which have been rerouted via exaggerated external stimulus.

Will be checking in at least every two days with accountability partner and will try and check in here as much as possible.

Any tips or suggestions much appreciated. Wishing you all well on your journeys 

 

[Vincent]

I probably am in the same boat as you. trying my best and still lapsing and relapsing.

your accountability plan sounds promising.
My approach now is to absolutely block everything out without loophole by using my one laptop only for work (no internet usage possible) and the other with strict limits (k9/open DNS/pornblocker/censureblock).

as far as I am concerned there is no more possibility to easily look at porn for me. The only thing I could do is to download it. Basically, it is now my job to keep me from doing that, which I hope to succeed.

 

[Ap26]

Yeh its ridiculous I keep fucking this up!! Feel pretty deflated. Just installed that k9 thing though and put a password I'm not going to remember unless i look it up. Ill see how it goes. Thanks mate

 

[Vincent]

hey man,

you went on one crazy frenzy there!!!! If you need some avice I would be happy to help just don't stop your reboot. It's not like you won't have any progress if you just hop on and off the wagon. The real problem is the psycological damage to yourself. Because you will eventually think that you are bound to fail. Don't tap in this trap! Pull yourself together, straighten it up and start again. YOu CAN do it!

 

[Rockit]

One thing I did that helped, was to make a pros/cons list for each outcome, and post it on my wall.

In your case:

PROS for NOT PMOing
PROS for PMOing
CONS for NOT PMOing
CONS for PMOing

In all likelihood, you'll notice certain reasons outweigh the others.  Maybe it'll help a bit?  It does for me.  (Although after a few days, I forgot it was there and had really strong urges.  Needed to sit down and re-read them.  I may make a habit of doing that every few days.)