Long Time First Time

[f1fan]

Hi All,

My name is Ty and I am a 29 year old living in Massachusetts. I learned about Reboot Nation today while listening to Gabe Deem on the podcast Consider Before Consuming.

My struggle began when I was 10 so it is baffling that porn has been a dark part of my life for 2/3 of my life. I have had successful relationships in the past but porn was always been my secret during all of them. My last relationship ended 4 years ago and these past 9 months of spending time indoors alone away from my closest friends has highlighted my desire for a relationship and a life companion. But porn is a major part of myself that I know can not be a part of a healthy life or any successful future relationships.

One trigger for me since March has been Instagram. I find that I will spend multiple hours scrolling and often lead to the web where I search for more explicit material. Working from home while my roommates are out of the house has hurt my control of urges as well. I am very social and friendly with them so the ability to hang out with them has been a key resource in beating back "The Urge". Additionally, working out and spending time outside has been key to success but too often I find myself fantasizing about what I will search for when I get home.

I am currently 1 month off Instagram! but the urges still come on and I have failed in staying away from porn most days this past month. I feel extremely grateful for finding this site on December 1 as my goal is to be porn free going into the new year (so far so good!).

Is anyone else prepping a December streak? Also, have others had victory in using abstinence from another media as a stepping block to success towards quitting porn? I look forward to interacting and learning about everyone's work towards a healthier and more meaningful life.

Kindly,
Ty

 

[Dave_Dice]

Hey Ty, welcome

How's it going? I didn't have any triggers from social media (never used instagram) but I spent way too much time on facebook. Deleted it a few months ago and I don't miss it one bit.

Good luck!

 

[f1fan]

Day 2
I had a bad slip up. I was reading a news article (of all things...) with a picture and it set me off into a spiral. Really freakin embarrassing to have failed on day 2. Gonna keep plugging through the month though and try to get a streak going. No more computer use with an open door in my room. Also going to put magazines in my bathroom so I am deterred from scrolling on my phone / dont even bring the phone in there. 

Day 3
Today was better. Was able to focus more on work and be productive which has been very hard while working from home. Spent some of the day reflecting on the day before and am still feeling disgusted with myself. The content was pretty vanilla stuff, compared to some things, so no red flags there. the power this shit has is wild. The speed at which I find myself looking at new content still amazes and I know that rush contributes to my problems.

Day 4
So far so good but will need to update as its just 2PM. Two roommates are working from home with me today so Im very happy not to be alone all day. Loneliness and having free time have always been key to using in the past. Having people around helps keep me social and accountable. I also added this site to my browser start-up pages so I am reminded of what healthy internet use is and continue to seek out and learn from you all.

This has been my most productive work day of the week so I want to ride that success wave. Nervous for the weekend since the weather is gonna be gnarly but gonna focus on finishing strong today. Also, need to get a work out and stretching in since Im long over due for that this week. Ill check back later but for now Happy Friday     

 

 

[f1fan]

Hey Dave_Dice,

Ya Facebook was a time suck in the past for sure. Good on you for deleting it and recognizing it as an unproductive use of time.

Good luck to you as well!

 

[f1fan]

Ive had 3 PMOs in December so far, the last one last night, so today is back to Day 1

Day1
I had deleted incognito mode on my browser like 4 months ago so that if I did seek things out I had to consciously delete them from my history. makes me feel like a 12 year old when I would use my family computer and delete the history so "no one knew what I was doing". upset that my parents never addressed it while growing up. We talked about p ONCE when I get caught but it never came up after for other times I got caught. Still have shame about this even though its my poor self talk.

Feeling frustrated, angry, cold, and guilty. Also useless as this thing is consuming me. Its been a coping mechanism for so long when I feel like this so p is just a default now when im feeling like shit. But appreciate that I am posting here and for all of you posting as well.

 

[notacornflake]

Hey Ty, i definitely can relate to you about P being a big part of your life for so long . I also beleive that keeping a secret also makes the problem worse. Also social media can be unhealthy in a somewhat similar fashion that P is, so congrats on trying to stay off of it.
Keep fighting the good fight brother, it will all pay off in the end. I find watching that 1 hour long video on YBOP as a refresher every once in a while helps me remember why i am quitting and gives me strength to keep going. I always imagine that picture of the rat pressing the self stimulation button until he dies lol.

 

[f1fan]

I've been having a rough go at this. Up to 7 times this month. DE has been an issue in that it extends the time I spend and more likely to seek a variety in order to finish. I started an anti-depressant in July which has been the major cause to this. PE is mildly affected but I have unfortunately pushed through those moments. Unable to stop once I start. Sick of this shit.

Also been smoking cigarettes daily which has been contributing to me saying fuck it and giving into these temptations. Being alone all day has been enabling this behavior. Alcohol has not been an issue during the week but I've been into drinking on the weekends and staying up late/sleeping in and losing my free days. Waking up hungover has also played into me saying fuck it and opening tabs.

 

[worldlit4213]

Hey brother, today is always the right day to start again! It's good that you're recognizing the causes that set you up to fall. I highly recommend trying this free online program called "Strive 21", which guides you through your first 21 days of porn-free life. It can help build momentum and confidence in the early stages and build good habits to prepare you for the rest of your journey.

If you're struggling with sleeping and health (and resorting to therapeutic measures like alcohol, cigarettes, anti-depressants), try starting a regular morning weight-lifting schedule. It'll get you to wake up at a set time every morning, and ensure that you're tired enough to sleep early. And going to church and connecting with Christ can help you get through whatever spiritual/psychological struggle you have that causes us (including myself) to be vulnerable to PMO addiction or drinking or whatever.

Looking forward to see your recovery! We're here to support you!