WoundedSparrow
Active Member
After an emotional breakdown after work one day to to my complete and utter misery being stuck at my job and in the life I've made for myself, I decided to seek a therapist. I had one session with him earlier this week. Told him of my porn addiction and everything it's done to me. He didn't believe I was an addict since I wasn't obsessively looking at porn throughout the day, and none of the porn I do watch is far into fetish territory or illegal. He said my chronic porn use sounded completely normal. He didn't believe the side effects in my brain were of concern, or that they weren't related to porn. I sadly realized he couldn't help me.
Before our session concluded, he said something plainly that I found disturbing: "I'm happily married and I masturbate to porn." It was at that moment that I knew for a fact that he could never help me. He doesn't even understand his own unhealthy use of porn inside a marriage and he only believes in a specific definition of porn addiction, despite studying addiction for over half a decade. I thanked him for his time, but told him I didn't believe he could help me. He seemed saddened by this, even hurt by it, and encouraged me to reconsider or seek a different therapist. He bid me farewell and I left.
He did help me, however. I told him I was stuck in a rut in life and had little to no energy or desire to improve. He told me it sounded to him like depression. That made something click. My misery in my head and in life is an illusion created by chronic porn use over the course of 7 years. Porn has always been my primary concern, but it seems clear to me that it's the lynchpin that holds all of my current problems together. Destroy porn, and every other issue I face will fall into place. I feel newly motivated to better myself and my lot in life. My therapist couldn't understand me, but he helped my understand myself better. I'm not sure how long this new wave of motivation will last, but I'm going to ride it as long as I can. I feel as though I have a new lease on life to ring in the new year with.
Before our session concluded, he said something plainly that I found disturbing: "I'm happily married and I masturbate to porn." It was at that moment that I knew for a fact that he could never help me. He doesn't even understand his own unhealthy use of porn inside a marriage and he only believes in a specific definition of porn addiction, despite studying addiction for over half a decade. I thanked him for his time, but told him I didn't believe he could help me. He seemed saddened by this, even hurt by it, and encouraged me to reconsider or seek a different therapist. He bid me farewell and I left.
He did help me, however. I told him I was stuck in a rut in life and had little to no energy or desire to improve. He told me it sounded to him like depression. That made something click. My misery in my head and in life is an illusion created by chronic porn use over the course of 7 years. Porn has always been my primary concern, but it seems clear to me that it's the lynchpin that holds all of my current problems together. Destroy porn, and every other issue I face will fall into place. I feel newly motivated to better myself and my lot in life. My therapist couldn't understand me, but he helped my understand myself better. I'm not sure how long this new wave of motivation will last, but I'm going to ride it as long as I can. I feel as though I have a new lease on life to ring in the new year with.