P usage for an addict

[Bigox]

I just want to throw this out there and see what information I can find out.

We are all trying to recover in some form, but out of interest how many hours a day do did you watch P? Do you suffer from any Pied, DE and PE?

I?ve been trying to study more about other stories and I was shocked to read stories on FTND of people watching P for up to 9 hours a day!

I had the odd occasion I?d be chatting for a couple of hours on camsite but usually it was like 30 mins before bed or just looking at pictures or videos of women I was talking to on Snapchat or IG.

 

[anubu0]

I would say on average sessions were 30 minutes.

I am 17 years old. I would do this roughly 3-4 times a week, occasionally more than once per day. 

When I was younger, I would do this more regularly, probably daily, more frequently, and I would normally do it more than once per day.

My problem occurred when I escalated to all HD content and full premium videos. That was when things got really bad and I would watch p sometimes without even the intention of masturbating, just solely to watch.

Hope this provides some insight.

 

[cakecrocodileshrimp]

When I was younger, I would have sessions of maybe 45min to an hour, though would sometimes have 2-3 sessions a day. For the last few years I've got it down to a session every 3 days or so, often no more than 15-20 minutes. Though, when I was younger the internet was a lot slower than it is now, so I'd say that the actual amount of porn I was getting in each session is more than it was 15-20 years ago even if the sessions are shorter.

In any event, I'm almost a week clean now, so hopefully that is all in the past!

 

[Murgatroyd]

When guys describe masturbating 3 or more times a day, for 7-10 hours, then passing out asleep, then waking up and doing it all over again, well ....

I wonder WTF I am doing here.  My wife, who is on this journey with me (best accountability partner EVER), is surprised by it.  I'm not.  I'm 62 years old.  I've had a binge or two in 48 years of jerking off.  I was married from age 20-32, then again from age 32 to present.

I don't think I'm a porn addict, but she thinks I have a problem.  I am trying to jump through this hoop for her (and keeping detailed notes) to rule it out.  It's always possible the joke will be on me, and I will find out instead that I really do have a problem.

That said, there is a pretty well-known sex cyber-therapist, Rob Weiss, who states in "How Much Porn is Too Much Porn?":

https://www.psychcentral.com/blog/sex/2012/03/porn#2

"Research suggests that cyber-porn addicts spend at least 11 or 12 hours per week online (including tablets, smartphones, laptops, and traditional computers), but the amount of time spent can be double or even triple that amount."

However, he does not cite any actual studies with that statement.  My guess is he is citing his own personal research, probably based on a large and successful cyber-practice in this area of expertise.

That said, in a lecture to what appears to be a psychology class at BYU (guessing here) Gary Wilson warns against using number of hours spent as the metric to determine porn addiction:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLtSoWrEplM

It's long, but an interesting watch.

As for me personally, before we moved on to rebooting me, my wife and I logged our sexual activity and my PMO activity for 7 months (April to October 2020).  During that time, I used porn for an hour and a half every 1.7 days on average.  That works out to 6.2 hours per week for 7 months.  (Can you tell I'm a data weenie?)

When I use porn, it is not high-speed streaming.  I'm old-fashioned, and have amassed a pretty substantial collection of clips and photos.  Nothing extreme, because that is of zero interest to me.  Mostly girls next door whom I find stimulating doing stuff that would not be considered unusual.  None of this webcam or chat stuff.  I do absolutely zero-zip-nada-nothing on my phone. (Pretty typical answers for us Old Guys).

By contrast she gives me about 2.5 hours of her time per week facing me naked.  I have told her that if she gave me an additional 6.2 hours per week facing me naked, I would not really have a problem ignoring pornography.  If it sounds like I'm making a joke, I'm not.  It's interesting when you can remove conjecture or speculation because you have real numbers.

Should there be any question, my wife is a huge turn-on to me.  In my opinion, the fact that I use porn affects her self-esteem.  In my opinion, I work very very hard to make sure she knows how much I cherish her, and appreciate her, and how much she totally turns me on, but rather than acknowledge her self-esteem issues and make effort to address those, she is taking the position that I am the one with the problem.  I am open to compromise but this unilateral stuff is a bit unrealistic.

I get decent erections (Yes, I use small doses of Sildenafil [12.5 to 25mg] but did I mention I'm 62?), but my wife thinks I take too long to get to an orgasm and she would like to believe it is because of pornography.  I disagree with her, but a good way to find out is to experiment and learn the answer.

Which is what we are doing.

Welcome to being married for 30 years.

Cheers!

 

[Aussie_85]

Hey,

For me roughly 5 - 7 hours per day, edging the entire time for the last 5 years. Back in my SHU days ( the term I use to describe living in a bedroom at my parents house isolating for weeks at a time) usage was anywhere from 5 hours, break, another few hours - to 16 hours daily, I'm serious. I would literally have porn benders. My entire life revolved around porn, with a bit of COD thrown in for good measure. it's the only thing I cared about and the only thing that gave me ANY form of pleasure in life period. I'd smoke weed and fap from sundown to sun up, sleep wake repeat. For me orgasm was when I'd had my fix, if I finish to early then I'm thrown back into the miserable reality of my life which I was trying to escape.

The last 5 years my life would revolve around work, come home - PMO - sleep - repeat. Because i worked  fulltime nights for years, this worked out "great". I'd get home at 7:00 am, my girlfriend would leave for work at 8:30 am, so I'd fap and punch bongs in front of my Alienware PC well into the afternoon. I even grew my own weed so i could have a massive stash to get high and fap - I researched the fuck out of every aspect on how to grow so i could have the best finished product possible, and I did a pretty good job as a first time grower - but literally, when i thought about growing my own i thought "this will be great, for using porn high". Weed brings porn to a whole new level for me. Then i was actually prescribed THC oil for insomnia from nightshift, a rarity in Australia because it's only just become medically legal, and Dude it was next level shit, never been that stoned in my life - which then of course made me want to fap even more and for longer.

I don't have and never have had PIED, DE or PE however the last 12 months my erections are getting weaker, I've never not been able to have sex with my girlfriend.

I had sexual partners from 13 - 22 so i think that's why i don't have ED.

Back in 2012'ish I thought I was a complete freak, as most guys on forums etc were reporting 30 mins, 1 hour per day. It would be super interesting to have a poll for the nation, to get a rough estimate of usage times.

My upbringing was relatively normal, I had friends as a kid and teenager, multiple girlfriends - I'm smart, decent looking, wasn't abused in any way, wasn't bullied, no serious mental health issues - besides anxiety and depression in my mid twenties ( from porn addiction btw). I did get kicked out a few times as a teen for being...well a teen, I just really really liked porn and the feeling it gave me. From the 12 year old boy using VHS tapes for a quick 10 min session all the way up to the 26 year old getting blazed out of my mind edging for half days at a time, only stopping for piss and drink breaks. It went from an innocent "habit" to a full blown addiction, very slowly. At first, all throughout my teenage years it didn't affect me at all lifestyle wise - then slowly, slowly i started to isolate and decline offers to go out with friends, even go on dates...to stay home and masturbate over a screen.

This shit can REALLY fuck with your life hardcore - it aint no joke.

 

[Murgatroyd]

My God Aussie, my heart goes out to you!

I appreciate VERY MUCH your point of view on this.  Thank you for this one, and for all your other posts.

I am thinking that if I did not have so many obligations to other people, I could fall into the same slot you have described.  But I have not - to that degree.  Not sure what that means, except that I need to pay close attention.  There but for the grace of God go I, etc.  wow.

Clearly Reboot Nation people are all over the map on this.  Agreed, that in this day and age, someone could construct a really good online survey and crowd-source a cloud of data from the 'Nation.

I saw where Gary Wilson recently reported on a paper that was the result of a researcher trolling our 'Nation for info - I'm not talking about that.  I'm talking about like if 10% of us self-reported but using really solid, vetted questions.  The researchers would have a field day.

That would be an eye-popper.  "Simple Matter of Programming" - right?  The secret is they have got to be the right questions.

- - - - - - - - - -

My brother grew weed the whole time we were teenagers together.  It just became legal where I live, and my wife got her note from her doctor, so we are now allowed to grow our own, legally.  I have not started yet but I imagine that is only a matter of time    It's a lot to think about.

 

[Aussie_85]

Thanks mate,

I know your an old bastard ( no offence ) and your stuck in your "porn isn't that bad for me" mindset, and you may be correct...my question to you is - is it worth the risk?

As for cannabis, it's relatively easy to grow as you would already know, it's after all a weed. It's harder to grow it well, it's changed a lot since you were growing it -  research it.

I grew 2 separate batches outdoor during the summer of 2018/2019 - Autoflowers (look them up) Northern lights and blueberry - i cured my bud for a whole month before smoking it, i literally followed every instruction to the T and the results were impressive.

I plan on getting back into the hobby once I'm over porn addiction, it's to triggering for me at the moment.

Where abouts are you from if you don't mind me asking?

cheers.

 

[Bigox]

Thank you for the honesty, I hope we can get some more feedback to gather an much information as possible. We are all in the journey together. I?m currently 80 days without P and I don?t feel any urge to go back to it at the moment.
I wish everyone a speedy recovery and we achieve all our goals we set out!

 

[Murgatroyd]

@Aussie85

Risk?  I probably made it sound worse than it is.  It's not like my wife said one day "OMG you use PORN!" - she's known about my habit for DECADES.  I am confident we will work it out. 

I am a hardass about doing the research and keeping track of the data because she's just a little too quick to use porn as her excuse for what's wrong without examining herself.  Once she's examined herself, and she's really paying attention, and we have data, then I will be in a mood to do whatever I have to do to make life better.

I just hate rolling over and doing everything she says all the time without question.  That is no way to live.

Here in the USA I live in one of those states that's red on the map where we didn't vote for the current Administration.  My wife is from here.  I grew up in one of those teensy places on the left side of the map where you can just make out some little slivers of blue.  She came out there for work in the late 1980s and we met and a few years later I find myself moving to the middle of the USA.

I'm sure we'll work out the cannabis challenges.  I have a green thumb and a huge devotion to Her Royal Highness there mentioned above.  She is the Queen, after all.

And I love her.

 

[Aussie_85]

@Aussie85

Risk?  I probably made it sound worse than it is.  It's not like my wife said one day "OMG you use PORN!" - she's known about my habit for DECADES.  I am confident we will work it out. 

I am a hardass about doing the research and keeping track of the data because she's just a little too quick to use porn as her excuse for what's wrong without examining herself.  Once she's examined herself, and she's really paying attention, and we have data, then I will be in a mood to do whatever I have to do to make life better.

I just hate rolling over and doing everything she says all the time without question.  That is no way to live.

Here in the USA I live in one of those states that's red on the map where we didn't vote for the current Administration.  My wife is from here.  I grew up in one of those teensy places on the left side of the map where you can just make out some little slivers of blue.  She came out there for work in the late 1980s and we met and a few years later I find myself moving to the middle of the USA.

I'm sure we'll work out the cannabis challenges.  I have a green thumb and a huge devotion to Her Royal Highness there mentioned above.  She is the Queen, after all.

And I love her.

I meant the risk of developing a full blown addiction.

I've read a lot of your posts and coming from a completely neutral non judgmental opinion, it seems like your on a mission to prove to yourself, your wife and everyone on the forum that porn isn't an issue for you. That your wife is somehow in the wrong because she doesn't want sex as much as you, it's quite normal for libido's to reduce in your 60's. Maybe she doesn't want her husband, the man she loves and has chosen to be with - masturbating over other women. Maybe that's what's contributing to her self esteem issues.

Honestly, and please don't take offence to this - your coming across as quite arrogant in your endeavour to prove porn isn't a big deal for you, completely disregarding suggestions of just stepping back and thinking about if pixels on a screen is worth hurting your wife, or the quality of your marriage. Instead your citing data of how often you use porn suggesting that your wife somehow owes you more sex for you to sacrifice your "non issue" use of porn.

This forum is full of people who's lives have been completely torn apart and ruined by porn, and your here on your high horse telling everyone it's fine for you. That's great, I honestly hope porn isn't an issue for you - maybe go join a pro porn forum and talk about how great porn is and how your wife is selfish for not wanting her husband to view it anymore.

Again please don't take this post as a personal attack, i just want to offer my opinion.

 

[anubu0]

I agree with Aussie. I can't stress this enough, its not a personal attack. It's just that when there are groups of thousands of us who are suffering from p addiction and its effects, your overall attitude towards p seems kind of belittling to what we've had to experience. You've been supportive to all of us and empathetic Murgatroyd but it just seems that this battle towards proving yourself is contradicting what so many of us are saying. Quit p man, even if you don't think it's having effects on you now and be grateful you did it. That's how we all used to think and now most of us are in really icky and dark times in our lives.

 

[Murgatroyd]

A BIG Thank You to @Bigox for hosting this debate!

Guys, don't worry, I am not taking it personally.  I know I sound arrogant.  Frankly I'm pretty sure getting a swift kick in the butt is good for me from time to time, and I appreciate it.  I appreciate what you're saying and I appreciate that you're sticking with it and not giving up on me.

Really.  I have a lot to learn.  That's why I'm here.  That's why I take notes.  That's why I track data.  I need somebody to tell me what I'm missing.

Meanwhile I'm on Day 51 of my own Reboot, so you know I'm taking it seriously.  If all you say is true, I'll be a new man when I get to the end of it.  But when is the end?

You have to admit there are a lot of unanswered questions, and this whole situation might be easier if there were more answers.  All 18,000+ of us are more like pioneers blazing trails.

No.  Offence.  Taken.

 

[anubu0]

Well for starters, I think there is no end. Giving up p is like giving up smoking. You've learned about its harmful effects and are abandoning it before you get addicted. As to these superhuman benefits that many preach, its hard to tell when you'll experience them. Considering you're not addicted to p, I can say that you won't see that many benefits from abstaining from p, but you will avoid the rabbit hole that is p addiction.

P addiction is the primary, meaning that it causes other harmful effects such as social anxiety, increased stress, lack of confidence, etc. You probably don't have any of these symptoms but abstaining from p usage will make it so you never develop them, at least because of p usage.

 

[Aussie_85]

Anubu is right, there is no set end or "I'm now fully recovered" date, everyone is different.

Murgatroyd:

There's not many unanswered questions anymore in regards to pornography addiction. It causes the same fundamental brain changes as physical substance abuse. This has been proven in studies and brain scans. If the question your referring to is "can someone watch porn and not get addicted" - we briefly discussed this in another thread, my belief is yes, or course. Just like some people can recreationally use cocaine and not become an addict. is it really worth the risk.

Anubu:

As for the super powers people describe after completing a successful reboot - I think they're just back at baseline brain functioning. Being able to enjoy things again, including intimacy, the reduction of all the negative symptoms and improvements of others are all just the way our brains are supposed to function but because we've been stuck in this addiction for most of our adult lives (or long periods of time), we aren't use to feeling normal. Of all the reading and videos I've watched over the years on porn addiction dopamine is by far the biggest culprit - it's literally the fuel of our brains, without it being regulated it's like putting unmixed petrol in a 2 stroke....it aint gonna run to well and eventually the motor will seize.

 

[Murgatroyd]

Sorry @Bigox for hijacking your thread.

@Aussie and @anubu - I would like to drag this conversation over to one of the other threads: "Am I In Denial?" under the Porn Addiction forum.

- - @Murgs
(I saw that Aussie, now I know I have a proper nickname)  ;D