25yo male w/ social anxiety, eye contact, shyness issues

[Thedrummer]

Geez man this really helps. A lot. I also feel like the funny, charming and well rounded me is hidden under all this weird crap I have going on. I know I can relate to bunch of people on here. We all can. But we all reboot differently and go through the process a lot different. Life is different for each of us, different environment, different history. There's been times were I lasted a good amount (maybe like 3 weeks straight) literally no PMO and I started to barely feel good things and what the hell would make me mess that up idk. It's like pressing the reset button as soon as I start to feel something good. I can say I've done a lot better than before but I guess patience is the key..my mind is so jacked up. I almost forget I've been doing this for years but now I want to feel normal so fast. Who doesn't. Thanks man.

 

[Thedrummer]

Hey guys so I reached out for help. I had a 10 min phone call with elevatedrecovery (porn reboot) jk emezi. I spoke to one of his assistants and we proceeded to a longer facetime to speak more about what system could work for me. I believe it works 100%, but its $9500. I can't even do the monthly payments for that in my situation. I do believe its worth the investment in myself but I just can't afford it. Is there similar systems or programs that can give me good results with a more affordable price? If not ...

What can I do daily that can help me recover with my symptoms. Journal? Idk you guys tell me what I should do.

I struggle major with social anxiety, fantasies, I have built my tolerance up to disturbing porn and weird shit. I struggle to have sex without thinking of a fantasy. I do workout and try my best to keep off porn and masturbation. I feel like I'm getting a lot better in terms of will power and staying away from it but I really want to connect with people, genuinely, I want to not feel dumb anymore and I have a lot of brain fog. Anxiety and nervous for mostly everything that has to do with eye contact and talking to people. Even family.

 

[zander13]

Sorry that's so expensive.

I wish there was more out there in terms of our addiction, but I can't think of anything. My outside help came in the form of therapy, because my addiction wasn't just about the mere act itself. I used porn as a way to avoid myself. I used it to escape. So figuring out what I wanted to escape from made all of the difference. I had to learn to love myself enough to want to truly quit.

Just my experience though. I won't pretend that what's worked for me will work for you.

But yeah, therapy was great for me, and some work with insurance providers.

Seem like you're an insightful person. Keep acting on your insight, and time will take care of things. But don't stop putting in your best effort--do everything you can. This is very serious, and things can get worse. This thing doesn't stay stationary--it get's worse or it get's better (at least in my experience).

Good luck.

 

[Thedrummer]

Thank u so much man. I'm looking forward to my therapy session soon and taking that step. I guess the only thing that really keeps me from relpasing is reminding myself of the consequences or how shitty I'm going to feel. Also going to try journaling and see if that helps. Take care man thank u for responding

 

[zander13]

 

[Thedrummer]

Well. This sucks and was unexpected. After 5 years, gf breaks up with me. I'm stuck here unable to connect with girls to move on. N I want to mess with girls on a deep connection and not just for sex. I need to reboot. I need to be prepared for life things.

 

[Thedrummer]

Now that I think about the last 5 years. Or 6 years. Those years were the worst for me in terms of my addiction and symptoms. Somehow I met this girl, and she was mine for 5 years. Toxic but very close. And still shy and nervous around her because of my addiction. I never got chance to live a life with her while clean from my addiction and it kills me to be separated because I have to wait till recover to realize how it would be with her sober. And part of me feels like it would be good.

 

[Thedrummer]

Does anyone with social problems feel like during reboot, they feel too scared to confront a girl and flirt? Like obviously you have to want to talk to a girl and flirt to get to know her. But because my brain is so messed up I dont even care to talk. I just think sex. But i want to connect. We have no choice but to connect with a girl first and build atleast a friendship in order to move on to the next level. Anyone notice a change in this in a few months staying away from porn and masturbation ?

I'm also going through a 5 year long break up and it's harder for me knowing I cant connect with people right now. Especially a girl. I want to so bad to distract myself from crying. I feel like shit because I love this girl, my 1st gf ever. We did so much. Literally I can't do shit or go anywhere without thinking of her cause we did it all u name it. Places to eat, visit, everything! And since I met her, my addiction got worse and I never put the work in to fix myself till the last 2 years and I relapsed and see how my life would be if I was sober with her. How different things would be.

 

[Thedrummer]

So I've been looking for this specific issue I've noticed about myself since 2015 but I dont see much of it online. Aside from social anxiety, no feelings of wanting to meet girls or make friends or be around family, feeling dead inside. I have this annoying problem with feeling extremely shy and embarrassed when someone tries to joke around with me or have a moment of humor with me. Especially while having eye contact. I cant laugh or smile without feeling and looking awkward. I instantly notice the other person feeling and looking awkward because of how I look when i laugh or smile. It feels fake as fuck and i know it looks terrible.

Yes I've pmo'd for a long ass time, I'm 25. Been at this since 12 maybe, but never noticed change like this up until 2015. Since 2015 to like 2020, I started watching really weird, bad shit that made me feel even worse. I was always scared and nervous to get caught watching the porn I was looking at. And now I feel like I'm in a deeper hole I need to get out of. I've tried quitting pmo since 2018 I believe and relapsed alot.

For the 1st time in my life, I've managed to stay away from porn & masturbating for about 4 or 5 weeks, a month or so. It's the longest I've ever lasted. I've had 3 wet dreams, I've been journaling everyday, working out every day. I know I have a long way to go. I just really hope killing this addictiom gives me the power to fix my life again. I'm so desperate to feel NORMAL. I just want to feel happy around people and want to feel good socializing. To feel happy around my family. I know I want to be successful and make more money as well but its impossible when I cant even feel normal around PEOPLE. If anyone else has that weird issue, message me.