The reason for me is very simple, I am lonely and as I work from home I see nobody.
Ever time I relapse is because I feel lonely and depressed.
And as we live with the virs, there is no way that I can see other people.
Do you have any ideas?
I feel for you, friend. I really do. Your situation sounds challenging, and I know it must feel like there's no end in sight and thus no end to your suffering.
I too have felt the loneliness you speak of, the longing for connection and intimacy with others - not just during the pandemic but at different times throughout my life. I'm not convinced that everyone here has experienced that kind of loneliness and really understands its effects. I agree with Marco that taking advantage of technology can help help bridge the gap while you're hunkering down at home, but there are limitations to what it can do for you. Social media, message boards, and in fact this very forum are a good way to stay somewhat connected to others but none of these will offer you true intimacy and a physical connection with another human being.
I don't know what your situation is, so I'm just going to ask an obvious question. Are you completely alone at home or are you at home with family (significant other, children, extended family, etc.)? I ask this question because it's sometimes easy to forget that the people we share our lives with are there for us all the time. We get caught up in acting out and self-isolating, and we forget that they are there for us to love and nurture and for us to be loved and nurtured by them. I should also mention that I live at home with my wife and daughter, but even so, there have been many times over the years - and certainly within the past year - when I've felt lonely despite sharing a house with them, usually because I got caught up in my own drama and failed to acknowledge what a true blessing it is to have them in my life. If you have someone close to you who you are taking for granted, now is the time to invest heavily in that relationship. Profess your love for them. Show them you care. Be there for them.
If you are single and living alone, then I can only imagine how difficult that must be for you right now. Who would you feel comfortable opening up to about your feelings, other than the RN brotherhood? Is therapy an option for you? Nowadays you can connect with therapists online, and the options for doing so are literally endless. In some countries, you can even take advantage of limited mental health services through your paid employee benefits. Is that option available to you? If therapy is not an option, you might want to look into one of the many support groups that, for the time being anyway, have shifted to online meetings. There are a variety of support groups out there, including many that are geared towards people like you who are struggling with compulsive sexual behavior.
What about finding an accountability partner? Many folks here have found accountability partners through RN, but there are lots of options for finding one elsewhere, both of the paid and free variety. The advantage of having an accountability partner is that you have someone you can check in with and talk to on a regular basis. How you connect with that person is up to you (phone, Zoom, etc.), but the point is, you will be able to have a more intimate connection with that person because you will be able to interact with them in real time.
The last thing I would say about loneliness and lack of connection is that, if you are compulsively using porn, it's likely very hard to unravel what you're feeling right now. Depending on the severity of the problem, you may be mentally and physically exhausted, not thinking clearly, or reacting to and stirring up powerful emotions - all things that can cause you to feel ashamed, isolated, and cut off from other people. The only way out of this trap is to trust in the reboot process and give your brain and body the time it needs to heal. If you can do that, you may not feel great at first, but I promise you you will start to feel better.
Take care!
