Renewal

[f1fan]

I recently turned 30 so want to start a new thread.

Day 1

I just finished watching "YBOP" for the first time and it had a huge impact on me. The rat being pumped with dopamine and shutting off all other desires of sex, food etc hit me the hardest. It's a simple example but the concept of being overloaded in a detrimental way applies to my life in more areas than just PMO. Cigarettes and alcohol have been a part of my weekend routine and has been detrimental in more ways than one. Most hungover mornings lead me to porn as an attempt to soothe and recover for the day or to get into the Monday mindset and get to work.

After not PMOing Saturday morning I tried working out in my room but was distracted 15 minutes in. I ended up caving to cravings to open my laptop, use for about an hour, then finishing my workout very flat. It was a win to workout but the wasted time and lack of self will fucked with me bad. I possibly could have avoided the whole thing by going for a walk.

Yesterday I ended up binging and had multiple tabs open. I had anxiety about my computer running out of battery before ending since I could only focus on the media. My charger was steps away from me. It seems crazy that I didn't want to break my concentration for this crap.

So with the weekend behind me I'm dedicating more to abstaining than I ever have. I have not yet made a true attempt at resetting. The max I've made it in the past year is around a week. So this is my renewal. I've been off of weed for almost a year because it changes me short term. But after almost 20 years of porn use I can't comprehend how it has negatively affected me.

So the only way to learn is to reset and relearn. 

 

[f1fan]

Day 2:

Last night I read before going to bed for the first time in I dont know how long. Normally I have been falling asleep watching tv which can lead me to staying up way too late and feeling like garbage in the AM. It felt more peaceful to fall asleep after reading so I want to make this a priority going forward.

Despite sleepig better Im feeling very smooth brain today. Not able to focus as much as I need to on work. Ended up calling it a day early and going for a walk while the sun was out. I was able to get a workout in after getting home. Passed the time by watching a car race from 2019 and listening to music.

Overall feeling pretty blah but I know staying focused on my goals of avoiding POM and any triggers is key. And that begins with not allowing myself to say "FUCK IT" in other parts of my life (work, exercise, calling family). 

 

[f1fan]

This is for the Windows users but I'm sure similar functions exist for Safari/IOS folks.

I've disabled incognito browsing in Google Chrome but with the latest Windows Update I found that Microsoft Edge has not allowed users to uninstall the browser. I had done this in the past prior to the update. But I have been using Edge (Irony is not lost on me) since the update and I disabled incognito in Chrome (that stuck despite the update). I did this to avoid facing my history and deleting it after using. Not a complete fail safe but facing what I've opened helps (shames me ) if I do use. I found steps to disable private browsing mode for Edge which is below. I have zero programming knowledge and did it on my first attempt so I wish you the same success.

1. Press Windows Logo key + R, to open Run dialog box.
2. Type regedit and click on OK/YES.
3. Navigate to pathway HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE>SOFTWARE>Policies>Microsoft
4. Now, right click on Microsoft key, select New, and select Key.
5. Rename the newly created key as Edge.
6. Click on Edge key, on the right hand pane, right click on empty space, select New and select DWORD (32-bit) Value.
7. Rename the newly created DWORD as InPrivateModeAvailability
8. Double click on the InPrivateModeAvailability DWORD and change the value to 1. (Keep the Base as Hexadecimal)
9. Restart the computer and check.

Why Edge when you can flatline. Hope this helps someone who was running into a similar issue.

 

[pursuitofinnocence]

Wow, I did not know incognito mode in chrome can be disabled, will be doing that for sure, thanks for the tip man.
I use an adult content filter but some of my go to sites are not filtered and it's annoying, disabling incognito mode altogether should solve this problem for me.