quitforeverthenwin2
Well-Known Member
Hey guys, really haven't been on here as much for awhile. I have made progress in some ways, but the consistency and sticking with it is what I want. I had a few months where I was mostly good other then a bit of P fantasy and did some dating and had some successful intimacy ( though with room for improvement.
It's been a long time since I looked at P while mo'ing ( though I would "cheat" quite a bit, looking at P and mo'ing after), but gratefully I believe I am done with P, fully at this point. I basically said to myself, no more of that, 2020 will be the last year I look at P and I am really not finding it all that hard.
HOWEVER, for me MO - does not have a place in my life. Simply because I did it for years compulsively in a very harmful to my life way. Each time I have MO'd even while trying to be "present" or to "healthy" ( not thinking of p induced fetishes and other nonsense) very quickly ( days) my habits would go way out of wack, I'd be fantasizing about nonsense and I absolutely see the negative effect in my life. I get irritable, less energy, DO NOT GET ERECTIONS WITH WOMEN, mood drop. All kinds of bad stuff.
One issue is, as I have made progress in these addiction issues, it becomes easier to rationalize that it is okay. When I MO to P fantasy
, sometimes I don't start to have big issues for a few days. I can even sometimes get ( crappy) morning wood, the next day. My erections when MO'ing are not terrible, like they were when I did a lot of porn, in short it is progress and it is easy to rationalize as being okay, but it's NOT.
For the simple reason - 1) Being able to get a 70% erection may seem okay compared to trying to mo with a semi flacid penis - but in the real world , of me wanting intimacy with women it is SHIT - it's very likely to go soft inside a woman within a minute, would make penetration difficult, doesn't exactly lead to confidence in my sexuality.
2) The mood problems are real - the P fantasies I think of BOTHER ME. It throws my brain off - it makes me impulsive, like I behave oddly with women *secretly hoping and obsessing, that a woman will be into these bizarre p induced fetishes. I have had times of being rewired, it's a lot more rewarding to actually enjoy a connection with a woman.
2B) It also becomes more difficult to focus, be motivated and all that good stuff.
3) Cruising for a bruising - addiction can't really be half gone. Fantasizing about P, mo'ing etc is simply playing with fire.
Anyways, been awhile since I journaled here and I believe, my perhaps best time in beating this stuff have been when I was journaling, so here is my journal with the explicit goal of eliminating MO and P fantasy.
I am 28 going on 29 - I noticed I have nearly aged out of the 20s section lol. So man it's about time to get this together!
Last night I MO'd to intense p fetish fantasy, woke up feeling like absolute shit. I believe I MO'd to fetish fantasy like 3 of the last 4 days, most of the multiple times. Drank a bit of caffeine ( which I'd aimed to cut out) but I do feel a bit more focused).
I generally didn't like setting day goals, BUT I could use a change as during 2021 though I've cut out of P - my mo habits to fantasy has been quite off - so sure let's set a goal.
GOAL 1 : 3 DAYS NO P no P fet fantasy.
( Support goal - do not fantasize about sex at all while in bed for these three days )
Today is Day 1
It's been a long time since I looked at P while mo'ing ( though I would "cheat" quite a bit, looking at P and mo'ing after), but gratefully I believe I am done with P, fully at this point. I basically said to myself, no more of that, 2020 will be the last year I look at P and I am really not finding it all that hard.
HOWEVER, for me MO - does not have a place in my life. Simply because I did it for years compulsively in a very harmful to my life way. Each time I have MO'd even while trying to be "present" or to "healthy" ( not thinking of p induced fetishes and other nonsense) very quickly ( days) my habits would go way out of wack, I'd be fantasizing about nonsense and I absolutely see the negative effect in my life. I get irritable, less energy, DO NOT GET ERECTIONS WITH WOMEN, mood drop. All kinds of bad stuff.
One issue is, as I have made progress in these addiction issues, it becomes easier to rationalize that it is okay. When I MO to P fantasy
, sometimes I don't start to have big issues for a few days. I can even sometimes get ( crappy) morning wood, the next day. My erections when MO'ing are not terrible, like they were when I did a lot of porn, in short it is progress and it is easy to rationalize as being okay, but it's NOT.
For the simple reason - 1) Being able to get a 70% erection may seem okay compared to trying to mo with a semi flacid penis - but in the real world , of me wanting intimacy with women it is SHIT - it's very likely to go soft inside a woman within a minute, would make penetration difficult, doesn't exactly lead to confidence in my sexuality.
2) The mood problems are real - the P fantasies I think of BOTHER ME. It throws my brain off - it makes me impulsive, like I behave oddly with women *secretly hoping and obsessing, that a woman will be into these bizarre p induced fetishes. I have had times of being rewired, it's a lot more rewarding to actually enjoy a connection with a woman.
2B) It also becomes more difficult to focus, be motivated and all that good stuff.
3) Cruising for a bruising - addiction can't really be half gone. Fantasizing about P, mo'ing etc is simply playing with fire.
Anyways, been awhile since I journaled here and I believe, my perhaps best time in beating this stuff have been when I was journaling, so here is my journal with the explicit goal of eliminating MO and P fantasy.
I am 28 going on 29 - I noticed I have nearly aged out of the 20s section lol. So man it's about time to get this together!
Last night I MO'd to intense p fetish fantasy, woke up feeling like absolute shit. I believe I MO'd to fetish fantasy like 3 of the last 4 days, most of the multiple times. Drank a bit of caffeine ( which I'd aimed to cut out) but I do feel a bit more focused).
I generally didn't like setting day goals, BUT I could use a change as during 2021 though I've cut out of P - my mo habits to fantasy has been quite off - so sure let's set a goal.
GOAL 1 : 3 DAYS NO P no P fet fantasy.
( Support goal - do not fantasize about sex at all while in bed for these three days )
Today is Day 1