So, I am 62 and have been dealing with ED for several years and had no idea at all that my porn use was a major contributing factor. I have some physical reasons to have ED and had been using tadalafil for several years with mostly good success. However, live for my wife and I became extremely stressful over the past few months and I lost the ability to get up for sex even with the meds. I found the tube sites 5 or 6 years ago and would use them when the wife was menstruating (she's 47 and not yet in menopause) I would also occasionally go there for PMO when life got in the way of actual sex. Little did I know the harm I was doing to myself.
Like many, what I watched had become more and more extreme and distant from what I would usually be turned on by. I focused on compilation videos that focused on the male orgasm and actually starting thinking that I was bisexual (I'm not)because I was so focused on that aspect of the videos, so I moved to gay and bi porn, which is when things really started to go downhill. I got to the point that I couldn't even get hard with that and around that time I found YBOP and a light went off in my head. OMG! this was me to a T!
For the past several years I noticed that my penis had little of the sensitivity it used to have and I could barely even get aroused with my wife performing oral and I definitely could not O that way. My member had also gotten ridiculously small and when flaccid it looked like a that of a child. My wife is now pre-menopausal and gets a bit dry, so I would always get some lube when it was time for penetration and I got to the point where I would quickly put it on hoping not to lose my erection before I was inside her. If I did, it was over.
That would leave me feeling inadequate and her feeling like she couldn't turn me on any more. I had tried everything I could think of (shockwave treatment, meds, prostate stimulation, supplements) and nothing was helping.
So, after I read everything I could about PIED, I went to her and told her everything and to her credit, she has been incredibly supportive. It is hard for her to understand, because to her, porn was ok and she could use it now and then and be fine, but I now know for me it is like being an alcoholic, I can never go back to porn again. Tomorrow will be 3 weeks with no PMO and I am already sick and tired of this flatline that started before I even stopped PMO and before I knew what was happening to me.
At this point I rarely have morning wood, but I do get some 50-60% stiffness erections during the night some nights. My wife snores and so we sleep in separate bedrooms, but every night we go to bed in the same bed together and cuddle and most nights she falls asleep in my arms and then I'll take her to her bedroom. This has been happening earlier in the evening lately because of some medical problems she is dealing with and her libido is way down as a result also. So, in the past, that would be my time to PMO and it is the time when the urges come on, but so far, I am staying strong and avoiding temptation. I was seeing a hypnotherapist for some other issues and when I realized what was going on with me, I told her everything and she taught me some very powerful tools to stop that voice in the back of my head that tries to get me to relapse. It also helps with with the much harder task of keeping the memories of what I have watched in the past from coming back to mind.
When my wife and I first got together 12 years ago, we would have sex VERY often and I am desperate to have the ability to be that man for her again. I know this has been rambling, so I'm going to stop here and just say thank you to the mods for having this forum and hopefully in a month or three I can report some real progress.
Like many, what I watched had become more and more extreme and distant from what I would usually be turned on by. I focused on compilation videos that focused on the male orgasm and actually starting thinking that I was bisexual (I'm not)because I was so focused on that aspect of the videos, so I moved to gay and bi porn, which is when things really started to go downhill. I got to the point that I couldn't even get hard with that and around that time I found YBOP and a light went off in my head. OMG! this was me to a T!
For the past several years I noticed that my penis had little of the sensitivity it used to have and I could barely even get aroused with my wife performing oral and I definitely could not O that way. My member had also gotten ridiculously small and when flaccid it looked like a that of a child. My wife is now pre-menopausal and gets a bit dry, so I would always get some lube when it was time for penetration and I got to the point where I would quickly put it on hoping not to lose my erection before I was inside her. If I did, it was over.
That would leave me feeling inadequate and her feeling like she couldn't turn me on any more. I had tried everything I could think of (shockwave treatment, meds, prostate stimulation, supplements) and nothing was helping.
So, after I read everything I could about PIED, I went to her and told her everything and to her credit, she has been incredibly supportive. It is hard for her to understand, because to her, porn was ok and she could use it now and then and be fine, but I now know for me it is like being an alcoholic, I can never go back to porn again. Tomorrow will be 3 weeks with no PMO and I am already sick and tired of this flatline that started before I even stopped PMO and before I knew what was happening to me.
At this point I rarely have morning wood, but I do get some 50-60% stiffness erections during the night some nights. My wife snores and so we sleep in separate bedrooms, but every night we go to bed in the same bed together and cuddle and most nights she falls asleep in my arms and then I'll take her to her bedroom. This has been happening earlier in the evening lately because of some medical problems she is dealing with and her libido is way down as a result also. So, in the past, that would be my time to PMO and it is the time when the urges come on, but so far, I am staying strong and avoiding temptation. I was seeing a hypnotherapist for some other issues and when I realized what was going on with me, I told her everything and she taught me some very powerful tools to stop that voice in the back of my head that tries to get me to relapse. It also helps with with the much harder task of keeping the memories of what I have watched in the past from coming back to mind.
When my wife and I first got together 12 years ago, we would have sex VERY often and I am desperate to have the ability to be that man for her again. I know this has been rambling, so I'm going to stop here and just say thank you to the mods for having this forum and hopefully in a month or three I can report some real progress.